Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) | by Linux fortune |
THE "FUN WITH USENET" MANIFESTO Very little happens on Usenet without some sort of response from some other reader. Fun With Usenet postings are no exception. Since there are some who might question the rationale of some of the excerpts included therein, I have written up a list of guidelines that sum up the philosophy behind these postings. One. I never cut out words in the middle of a quote without a VERY good reason, and I never cut them out without including ellipses. For instance, "I am not a goob" might become "I am ... a goob", but that's too mundane to bother with. "I'm flame proof" might (and has) become "I'm ...a... p...oof" but that's REALLY stretching it. Two. If I cut words off the beginning or end of a quote, I don't put ellipses, but neither do I capitalize something that wasn't capitalized before the cut. "I don't think that the Church of Ubizmo is a wonderful place" would turn into "the Church of Ubizmo is a wonderful place". Imagine the posting as a tape-recording of the poster's thoughts. If I can set up the quote via fast-forwarding and stopping the tape, and without splicing, I don't put ellipses in. And by the way, I love using this mechanism for turning things around. If you think something stinks, say so - don't say you don't think it's wonderful. ... -- D. J. McCarthy (dmccart@cadape.UUCP) | |
What they say: What they mean: A major technological breakthrough... Back to the drawing board. Developed after years of research Discovered by pure accident. Project behind original schedule due We're working on something else. to unforseen difficulties Designs are within allowable limits We made it, stretching a point or two. Customer satisfaction is believed So far behind schedule that they'll be assured grateful for anything at all. Close project coordination We're gonna spread the blame, campers! Test results were extremely gratifying It works, and boy, were we surprised! The design will be finalized... We haven't started yet, but we've got to say something. The entire concept has been rejected The guy who designed it quit. We're moving forward with a fresh We hired three new guys, and they're approach kicking it around. A number of different approaches... We don't know where we're going, but we're moving. Preliminary operational tests are Blew up when we turned it on. inconclusive Modifications are underway We're starting over. | |
What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, during which it just remains 7 a.m. This way we could all wake up via a civilized gradual process of stretching and belching and scratching, and it would still be only 7 a.m. when we were ready to actually emerge from bed. -- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!" | |
XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV: The only thing more costly than stretching the schedule of an established project is accelerating it, which is itself the most costly action known to man. XXV: A revised schedule is to business what a new season is to an athlete or a new canvas to an artist. -- Norman Augustine |