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Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) by Linux fortune

Excerpts From The First Annual Nerd Bowl (#5)

A commercial that aired during the live ASCII broadcast of the game:

  Having trouble staying awake for weeks at a time working on that latest
  hack? Worried that some young punk will take over your cushy job because
  you sleep too much? Don't worry, EyeOpener« brand cola is here to save
  the day. You'll never feel sleepy again when you drink EyeOpener«.

  Surgeon General's Warning: This product should only be used under a
  doctor's immediate supervision, as it contains more caffeine than 512
  cases of Coca-Cola.

  Caution: When sleep does occur after about three weeks, optometrists
  recommend having someone on hand to close your eyelids.

  Coming soon: ExtremelyWired(tm) cola with 50% more sugar! May or may not
  meet FDA approval... we're still trying.
Supervisor: Do you think you understand the basic ideas of Quantum Mechanics?
Supervisee: Ah! Well, what do we mean by "to understand" in the context of
            Quantum Mechanics?
Supervisor: You mean "No", don't you?
Supervisee: Yes.
                -- Overheard at a supervision.
FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN:        #1
skilled oral communicator:
        Mumbles inaudibly when attempting to speak.  Talks to self.
        Argues with self.  Loses these arguments.

skilled written communicator:
        Scribbles well.  Memos are invariable illegible, except for
        the portions that attribute recent failures to someone else.

growth potential:
        With proper guidance, periodic counselling, and remedial training,
        the reviewee may, given enough time and close supervision, meet
        the minimum requirements expected of him by the company.

key company figure:
        Serves as the perfect counter example.
Theory of Selective Supervision:
        The one time in the day that you lean back and relax is
        the one time the boss walks through the office.
Q:        What's the difference between Bell Labs and the Boy Scouts of America?
A:        The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
Over the shoulder supervision is more a need of the manager than the
programming task.
In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without
the supervision of a licensed engineer.
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
©TU Chemnitz, 2006-2019
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