railbird
         n 1: a fan of racing who watches races from the outer rail of
               the track

English Dictionary: royal fern	by the DICT Development Group
From WordNet (r) 3.0 (2006) [wn]:
Ralph Richardson n British stage and screen actor noted for playing classic roles (1902-1983) Synonym(s): Richardson, Ralph Richardson, Sir Ralph David Richardson
From WordNet (r) 3.0 (2006) [wn]:
real presence n (Christianity) the Christian doctrine that the body of Christ is actually present in the Eucharist
From WordNet (r) 3.0 (2006) [wn]:
real property n property consisting of houses and land [syn: {real property}, real estate, realty, immovable]
From WordNet (r) 3.0 (2006) [wn]:
relief printing n printing from a plate with raised characters [syn: {relief printing}, letterpress]
From WordNet (r) 3.0 (2006) [wn]:
reliever n someone who takes the place of another (as when things get dangerous or difficult); "the star had a stand-in for dangerous scenes"; "we need extra employees for summer fill-ins" Synonym(s): stand-in, substitute, relief, reliever, backup, backup man, fill-in a person who reduces the intensity (e.g., of fears) and calms and pacifies; "a reliever of anxiety"; "an allayer of fears" Synonym(s): reliever, allayer, comforter a pitcher who does not start the game Synonym(s): reliever, relief pitcher, fireman
From WordNet (r) 3.0 (2006) [wn]:
roll over v make a rolling motion or turn; "The dog rolled over" negociate to repay a loan at a later date for an additional fee; "roll over a loan" re-invest (a previous investment) into a similar fund or security; "She rolled over her IRA"
From WordNet (r) 3.0 (2006) [wn]:
rollover n the act of changing the institution that invests your pension plan without incurring a tax penalty
From WordNet (r) 3.0 (2006) [wn]:
royal brace n a brace to secure the royal mast
From WordNet (r) 3.0 (2006) [wn]:
royal fern n large deeply rooted fern of worldwide distribution with upright bipinnate compound tufted fronds Synonym(s): royal fern, royal osmund, king fern, ditch fern, French bracken, Osmunda regalis
From WordNet (r) 3.0 (2006) [wn]:
royal purple n a shade of purple tinged with red [syn: reddish purple, royal purple]
From Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) [web1913]:
Railroad \Rail"road`\, Railway \Rail"way`\, n.       1. A road or way consisting of one or more parallel series of             iron or steel rails, patterned and adjusted to be tracks             for the wheels of vehicles, and suitably supported on a             bed or substructure.          Note: The modern railroad is a development and adaptation of                the older tramway.          2. The road, track, etc., with al the lands, buildings,             rolling stock, franchises, etc., pertaining to them and             constituting one property; as, certain railroad has been             put into the hands of a receiver.          Note: Railway is the commoner word in England; railroad the                commoner word in the United States.          Note: In the following and similar phrases railroad and                railway are used interchangeably:          {Atmospheric railway}, {Elevated railway}, etc. See under             {Atmospheric}, {Elevated}, etc.          {Cable railway}. See {Cable road}, under {Cable}.          {Perry railway}, a submerged track on which an elevated             platform runs, fro carrying a train of cars across a water             course.          {Gravity railway}, a railway, in a hilly country, on which             the cars run by gravity down gentle slopes for long             distances after having been hauled up steep inclines to an             elevated point by stationary engines.          {Railway brake}, a brake used in stopping railway cars or             locomotives.          {Railway car}, a large, heavy vehicle with flanged wheels             fitted for running on a railway. [U.S.]          {Railway carriage}, a railway passenger car. [Eng.]          {Railway scale}, a platform scale bearing a track which forms             part of the line of a railway, for weighing loaded cars.                      {Railway slide}. See {Transfer table}, under {Transfer}.          {Railway spine} (Med.), an abnormal condition due to severe             concussion of the spinal cord, such as occurs in railroad             accidents. It is characterized by ataxia and other             disturbances of muscular function, sensory disorders, pain             in the back, impairment of general health, and cerebral             disturbance, -- the symptoms often not developing till             some months after the injury.          {Underground railroad} [or] {railway}.             (a) A railroad or railway running through a tunnel, as                   beneath the streets of a city.             (b) Formerly, a system of co[94]peration among certain                   active antislavery people in the United States, by                   which fugitive slaves were secretly helped to reach                   Canada.          Note: [In the latter sense railroad, and not railway, was                used.] [bd]Their house was a principal entrep[93]t of                the underground railroad.[b8] --W. D. Howells.
From Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) [web1913]:
Whose perfection far excelled Hers in all real dignity.                                                                               --Milton.          5. Relating to things, not to persons. [Obs.]                         Many are perfect in men's humors that are not                      greatly capable of the real part of business.                                                                               --Bacon.          4. (Alg.) Having an assignable arithmetical or numerical             value or meaning; not imaginary.          5. (Law) Pertaining to things fixed, permanent, or immovable,             as to lands and tenements; as, real property, in             distinction from personal or movable property.          {Chattels real} (Law), such chattels as are annexed to, or             savor of, the realty, as terms for years of land. See             {Chattel}.          {Real action} (Law), an action for the recovery of real             property.          {Real assets} (Law), lands or real estate in the hands of the             heir, chargeable with the debts of the ancestor.          {Real composition} (Eccl. Law), an agreement made between the             owner of lands and the parson or vicar, with consent of             the ordinary, that such lands shall be discharged from             payment of tithes, in consequence of other land or             recompense given to the parson in lieu and satisfaction             thereof. --Blackstone.          {Real estate} [or] {property}, lands, tenements, and             hereditaments; freehold interests in landed property;             property in houses and land. --Kent. --Burrill.          {Real presence} (R. C. Ch.), the actual presence of the body             and blood of Christ in the eucharist, or the conversion of             the substance of the bread and wine into the real body and             blood of Christ; transubstantiation. In other churches             there is a belief in a form of real presence, not however             in the sense of transubstantiation.          {Real servitude}, called also {Predial servitude} (Civil             Law), a burden imposed upon one estate in favor of another             estate of another proprietor. --Erskine. --Bouvier.          Syn: Actual; true; genuine; authentic.          Usage: {Real}, {Actual}. Real represents a thing to be a                   substantive existence; as, a real, not imaginary,                   occurrence. Actual refers to it as acted or performed;                   and, hence, when we wish to prove a thing real, we                   often say, [bd]It actually exists,[b8] [bd]It has                   actually been done.[b8] Thus its really is shown by                   its actually. Actual, from this reference to being                   acted, has recently received a new signification,                   namely, present; as, the actual posture of affairs;                   since what is now in action, or going on, has, of                   course, a present existence. An actual fact; a real                   sentiment.                               For he that but conceives a crime in thought,                            Contracts the danger of an actual fault.                                                                               --Dryden.                               Our simple ideas are all real; all agree to the                            reality of things.                        --Locke.
From Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) [web1913]:
Reliever \Re*liev"er\ (-?r), n.       One who, or that which, relieves.
From Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) [web1913]:
Royal \Roy"al\, a. [OE. roial, riall, real, OF. roial. reial, F.       royal, fr. L. regalis, fr. rex, regis, king. See {Rich}, and       cf. {regal}, {real} a coin, {Rial}.]       1. Kingly; pertaining to the crown or the sovereign; suitable             for a king or queen; regal; as, royal power or             prerogative; royal domains; the royal family; royal state.          2. Noble; generous; magnificent; princely.                         How doth that royal merchant, good Antonio? --Shak.          3. Under the patronage of royality; holding a charter granted             by the sovereign; as, the Royal Academy of Arts; the Royal             Society.          {Battle royal}. See under {Battle}.          {Royal bay} (Bot.), the classic laurel ({Laurus nobilis}.)          {Royal eagle}. (Zo[94]l.) See {Golden eagle}, under {Golden}.                      {Royal fern} (Bot.), the handsome fern {Osmunda regalis}. See             {Osmund}.          {Royal mast} (Naut.), the mast next above the topgallant mast             and usually the highest on a square-rigged vessel. The             royal yard and royal sail are attached to the royal mast.                      {Royal metal}, an old name for gold.          {Royal palm} (Bot.), a magnificent West Indian palm tree             ({Oreodoxa regia}), lately discovered also in Florida.          {Royal pheasant}. See {Curassow}.          {Royal purple}, an intense violet color, verging toward blue.                      {Royal tern} (Zo[94]l.), a large, crested American tern             ({Sterna maxima}).          {Royal tiger}. (Zo[94]l.) See {Tiger}.          {Royal touch}, the touching of a diseased person by the hand             of a king, with the view of restoring to health; --             formerly extensively practiced, particularly for the             scrofula, or king's evil.          Syn: Kingly; regal; monarchical; imperial; kinglike;                princely; august; majestic; superb; splendid;                illustrious; noble; magnanimous.
From Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) [web1913]:
Osmund \Os"mund\, n. (Bot.)       A fern of the genus {Osmunda}, or flowering fern. The most       remarkable species is the {osmund royal}, or {royal fern}       ({Osmunda regalis}), which grows in wet or boggy places, and       has large bipinnate fronds, often with a panicle of capsules       at the top. The rootstock contains much starch, and has been       used in stiffening linen.
From Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) [web1913]:
Royal \Roy"al\, a. [OE. roial, riall, real, OF. roial. reial, F.       royal, fr. L. regalis, fr. rex, regis, king. See {Rich}, and       cf. {regal}, {real} a coin, {Rial}.]       1. Kingly; pertaining to the crown or the sovereign; suitable             for a king or queen; regal; as, royal power or             prerogative; royal domains; the royal family; royal state.          2. Noble; generous; magnificent; princely.                         How doth that royal merchant, good Antonio? --Shak.          3. Under the patronage of royality; holding a charter granted             by the sovereign; as, the Royal Academy of Arts; the Royal             Society.          {Battle royal}. See under {Battle}.          {Royal bay} (Bot.), the classic laurel ({Laurus nobilis}.)          {Royal eagle}. (Zo[94]l.) See {Golden eagle}, under {Golden}.                      {Royal fern} (Bot.), the handsome fern {Osmunda regalis}. See             {Osmund}.          {Royal mast} (Naut.), the mast next above the topgallant mast             and usually the highest on a square-rigged vessel. The             royal yard and royal sail are attached to the royal mast.                      {Royal metal}, an old name for gold.          {Royal palm} (Bot.), a magnificent West Indian palm tree             ({Oreodoxa regia}), lately discovered also in Florida.          {Royal pheasant}. See {Curassow}.          {Royal purple}, an intense violet color, verging toward blue.                      {Royal tern} (Zo[94]l.), a large, crested American tern             ({Sterna maxima}).          {Royal tiger}. (Zo[94]l.) See {Tiger}.          {Royal touch}, the touching of a diseased person by the hand             of a king, with the view of restoring to health; --             formerly extensively practiced, particularly for the             scrofula, or king's evil.          Syn: Kingly; regal; monarchical; imperial; kinglike;                princely; august; majestic; superb; splendid;                illustrious; noble; magnanimous.
From Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) [web1913]:
Osmund \Os"mund\, n. (Bot.)       A fern of the genus {Osmunda}, or flowering fern. The most       remarkable species is the {osmund royal}, or {royal fern}       ({Osmunda regalis}), which grows in wet or boggy places, and       has large bipinnate fronds, often with a panicle of capsules       at the top. The rootstock contains much starch, and has been       used in stiffening linen.
From Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) [web1913]:
Royal \Roy"al\, a. [OE. roial, riall, real, OF. roial. reial, F.       royal, fr. L. regalis, fr. rex, regis, king. See {Rich}, and       cf. {regal}, {real} a coin, {Rial}.]       1. Kingly; pertaining to the crown or the sovereign; suitable             for a king or queen; regal; as, royal power or             prerogative; royal domains; the royal family; royal state.          2. Noble; generous; magnificent; princely.                         How doth that royal merchant, good Antonio? --Shak.          3. Under the patronage of royality; holding a charter granted             by the sovereign; as, the Royal Academy of Arts; the Royal             Society.          {Battle royal}. See under {Battle}.          {Royal bay} (Bot.), the classic laurel ({Laurus nobilis}.)          {Royal eagle}. (Zo[94]l.) See {Golden eagle}, under {Golden}.                      {Royal fern} (Bot.), the handsome fern {Osmunda regalis}. See             {Osmund}.          {Royal mast} (Naut.), the mast next above the topgallant mast             and usually the highest on a square-rigged vessel. The             royal yard and royal sail are attached to the royal mast.                      {Royal metal}, an old name for gold.          {Royal palm} (Bot.), a magnificent West Indian palm tree             ({Oreodoxa regia}), lately discovered also in Florida.          {Royal pheasant}. See {Curassow}.          {Royal purple}, an intense violet color, verging toward blue.                      {Royal tern} (Zo[94]l.), a large, crested American tern             ({Sterna maxima}).          {Royal tiger}. (Zo[94]l.) See {Tiger}.          {Royal touch}, the touching of a diseased person by the hand             of a king, with the view of restoring to health; --             formerly extensively practiced, particularly for the             scrofula, or king's evil.          Syn: Kingly; regal; monarchical; imperial; kinglike;                princely; august; majestic; superb; splendid;                illustrious; noble; magnanimous.
From Jargon File (4.2.0, 31 JAN 2000) [jargon]:
real operating system n.   The sort the speaker is used to.    People from the BSDophilic academic community are likely to issue    comments like "System V?   Why don't you use a _real_ operating    system?", people from the commercial/industrial Unix sector are    known to complain "BSD?   Why don't you use a _real_ operating    system?", and people from IBM object "Unix?   Why don't you use a    _real_ operating system?"   Only {MS-DOS} is universally considered    unreal.   See {holy wars}, {religious issues}, {proprietary}, {Get a    real computer!}
From Jargon File (4.2.0, 31 JAN 2000) [jargon]:
Real Programmer n.   [indirectly, from the book "Real Men Don't    Eat Quiche"] A particular sub-variety of hacker: one possessed of a    flippant attitude toward complexity that is arrogant even when    justified by experience.   The archetypal `Real Programmer' likes to    program on the {bare metal} and is very good at same, remembers the    binary opcodes for every machine he has ever programmed, thinks that    HLLs are sissy, and uses a debugger to edit his code because    full-screen editors are for wimps.   Real Programmers aren't    satisfied with code that hasn't been {bum}med into a state of    {tense}ness just short of rupture.   Real Programmers never use    comments or write documentation: "If it was hard to write", says the    Real Programmer, "it should be hard to understand."   Real Programmers       can make machines do things that were never in their spec sheets;    in fact, they are seldom really happy unless doing so.   A Real    Programmer's code can awe with its fiendish brilliance, even as its    crockishness appalls.   Real Programmers live on junk food and    coffee, hang line-printer art on their walls, and terrify the crap    out of other programmers -- because someday, somebody else might    have to try to understand their code in order to change it.   Their    successors generally consider it a {Good Thing} that there aren't    many Real Programmers around any more.   For a famous (and somewhat    more positive) portrait of a Real Programmer, see "{The Story of    Mel}" in Appendix A.   The term itself was popularized by a 1983    Datamation article "Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal" by Ed Post,    still circulating on Usenet and Internet in on-line form.      You    can browse "Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal" from the Datamation    home page `http://www.datamation.com'.
From The Free On-line Dictionary of Computing (15Feb98) [foldoc]:
real operating system          The sort the speaker is used to.       People from the {BSD}ophilic academic community are likely to       issue comments like "{System V}?   Why don't you use a *real*       operating system?", people from the commercial/industrial       {Unix} sector are known to complain "BSD?   Why don't you use a       *real* operating system?", and people from {IBM} object "Unix?       Why don't you use a *real* operating system?"          See {holy wars}, {religious issues}, {proprietary}, {Get a       real computer!}.          [{Jargon File}]          (1997-03-12)
From The Free On-line Dictionary of Computing (15Feb98) [foldoc]:
Real Programmer          (From the book "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche") A       variety of hacker possessed of a flippant attitude toward       complexity that is arrogant even when justified by experience.       The archetypal "Real Programmer" likes to program on the {bare       metal} and is very good at it, remembers the binary {op codes}       for every machine he has ever programmed, thinks that       {high-level languages} are sissy, and uses a {debugger} to       edit his code because full-screen editors are for wimps.   Real       Programmers aren't satisfied with code that hasn't been       {bum}med into a state of {tense}ness just short of rupture.          Real Programmers never use {comments} or write       {documentation}: "If it was hard to write", says the Real       Programmer, "it should be hard to understand."   Real       Programmers can make machines do things that were never in       their spec sheets; in fact, they are seldom really happy       unless doing so.   A Real Programmer's code can awe with its       fiendish brilliance, even as its crockishness appals.          Real Programmers live on junk food and coffee, hang       line-printer art on their walls, and terrify the crap out of       other programmers - because someday, somebody else might have       to try to understand their code in order to change it.   Their       successors generally consider it a {Good Thing} that there       aren't many Real Programmers around any more.          For a famous (and somewhat more positive) portrait of a Real       Programmer, see "{The Story of Mel}".   The term itself was       popularised by a 1983 Datamation article "{Real Programmers       Don't Use Pascal}" by Ed Post, still circulating on {Usenet}       and Internet in on-line form.          [{Jargon File}]          (1997-08-29)
From The Free On-line Dictionary of Computing (15Feb98) [foldoc]:
Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal          Back in the good old days - the "Golden Era" of       computers, it was easy to separate the men from the boys       (sometimes called "Real Men" and "Quiche Eaters" in the       literature).   During this period, the Real Men were the ones       that understood computer programming, and the Quiche Eaters       were the ones that didn't.   A real computer programmer said       things like "DO 10 I=1,10" and "ABEND" (they actually talked       in capital letters, you understand), and the rest of the world       said things like "computers are too complicated for me" and "I       can't relate to computers - they're so impersonal".   (A       previous work [1] points out that Real Men don't "relate" to       anything, and aren't afraid of being impersonal.)          But, as usual, times change.   We are faced today with a world       in which little old ladies can get computers in their       microwave ovens, 12-year-old kids can blow Real Men out of the       water playing Asteroids and Pac-Man, and anyone can buy and       even understand their very own Personal Computer.   The Real       Programmer is in danger of becoming extinct, of being replaced       by high-school students with {TRASH-80}s.          There is a clear need to point out the differences between the       typical high-school junior Pac-Man player and a Real       Programmer.   If this difference is made clear, it will give       these kids something to aspire to -- a role model, a Father       Figure.   It will also help explain to the employers of Real       Programmers why it would be a mistake to replace the Real       Programmers on their staff with 12-year-old Pac-Man players       (at a considerable salary savings).          LANGUAGES          The easiest way to tell a Real Programmer from the crowd is by       the programming language he (or she) uses.   Real Programmers       use {Fortran}.   Quiche Eaters use {Pascal}.   Nicklaus Wirth,       the designer of Pascal, gave a talk once at which he was asked       how to pronounce his name.   He replied, "You can either call       me by name, pronouncing it 'Veert', or call me by value,       'Worth'."   One can tell immediately from this comment that       Nicklaus Wirth is a Quiche Eater.   The only parameter passing       mechanism endorsed by Real Programmers is       call-by-value-return, as implemented in the {IBM 370}       {Fortran-G} and H compilers.   Real programmers don't need all       these abstract concepts to get their jobs done - they are       perfectly happy with a {keypunch}, a {Fortran IV} {compiler},       and a beer.          Real Programmers do List Processing in Fortran.          Real Programmers do String Manipulation in Fortran.          Real Programmers do Accounting (if they do it at all) in       Fortran.          Real Programmers do {Artificial Intelligence} programs in       Fortran.          If you can't do it in Fortran, do it in {assembly language}.       If you can't do it in assembly language, it isn't worth doing.          STRUCTURED PROGRAMMING          The academics in computer science have gotten into the       "structured programming" rut over the past several years.       They claim that programs are more easily understood if the       programmer uses some special language constructs and       techniques.   They don't all agree on exactly which constructs,       of course, and the examples they use to show their particular       point of view invariably fit on a single page of some obscure       journal or another - clearly not enough of an example to       convince anyone.   When I got out of school, I thought I was       the best programmer in the world.   I could write an unbeatable       tic-tac-toe program, use five different computer languages,       and create 1000-line programs that WORKED.   (Really!) Then I       got out into the Real World.   My first task in the Real World       was to read and understand a 200,000-line Fortran program,       then speed it up by a factor of two.   Any Real Programmer will       tell you that all the Structured Coding in the world won't       help you solve a problem like that - it takes actual talent.       Some quick observations on Real Programmers and Structured       Programming:          Real Programmers aren't afraid to use {GOTO}s.          Real Programmers can write five-page-long DO loops without       getting confused.          Real Programmers like Arithmetic IF statements - they make the       code more interesting.          Real Programmers write self-modifying code, especially if they       can save 20 {nanoseconds} in the middle of a tight loop.          Real Programmers don't need comments - the code is obvious.          Since Fortran doesn't have a structured IF, REPEAT ... UNTIL,       or CASE statement, Real Programmers don't have to worry about       not using them.   Besides, they can be simulated when necessary       using {assigned GOTOs}.          Data Structures have also gotten a lot of press lately.       Abstract Data Types, Structures, Pointers, Lists, and Strings       have become popular in certain circles.   Wirth (the       above-mentioned Quiche Eater) actually wrote an entire book       [2] contending that you could write a program based on data       structures, instead of the other way around.   As all Real       Programmers know, the only useful data structure is the Array.       Strings, lists, structures, sets - these are all special cases       of arrays and can be treated that way just as easily without       messing up your programing language with all sorts of       complications.   The worst thing about fancy data types is that       you have to declare them, and Real Programming Languages, as       we all know, have implicit typing based on the first letter of       the (six character) variable name.          OPERATING SYSTEMS          What kind of operating system is used by a Real Programmer?       CP/M?   God forbid - CP/M, after all, is basically a toy       operating system.   Even little old ladies and grade school       students can understand and use CP/M.          Unix is a lot more complicated of course - the typical Unix       hacker never can remember what the PRINT command is called       this week - but when it gets right down to it, Unix is a       glorified video game.   People don't do Serious Work on Unix       systems: they send jokes around the world on {UUCP}-net and       write adventure games and research papers.          No, your Real Programmer uses OS 370.   A good programmer can       find and understand the description of the IJK305I error he       just got in his JCL manual.   A great programmer can write JCL       without referring to the manual at all.   A truly outstanding       programmer can find bugs buried in a 6 megabyte {core dump}       without using a hex calculator.   (I have actually seen this       done.)          OS is a truly remarkable operating system.   It's possible to       destroy days of work with a single misplaced space, so       alertness in the programming staff is encouraged.   The best       way to approach the system is through a keypunch.   Some people       claim there is a Time Sharing system that runs on OS 370, but       after careful study I have come to the conclusion that they       were mistaken.          PROGRAMMING TOOLS          What kind of tools does a Real Programmer use?   In theory, a       Real Programmer could run his programs by keying them into the       front panel of the computer.   Back in the days when computers       had front panels, this was actually done occasionally.   Your       typical Real Programmer knew the entire bootstrap loader by       memory in hex, and toggled it in whenever it got destroyed by       his program.   (Back then, memory was memory - it didn't go       away when the power went off.   Today, memory either forgets       things when you don't want it to, or remembers things long       after they're better forgotten.)   Legend has it that {Seymore       Cray}, inventor of the Cray I supercomputer and most of       Control Data's computers, actually toggled the first operating       system for the CDC7600 in on the front panel from memory when       it was first powered on.   Seymore, needless to say, is a Real       Programmer.          One of my favorite Real Programmers was a systems programmer       for Texas Instruments.   One day he got a long distance call       from a user whose system had crashed in the middle of saving       some important work.   Jim was able to repair the damage over       the phone, getting the user to toggle in disk I/O instructions       at the front panel, repairing system tables in hex, reading       register contents back over the phone.   The moral of this       story: while a Real Programmer usually includes a keypunch and       lineprinter in his toolkit, he can get along with just a front       panel and a telephone in emergencies.          In some companies, text editing no longer consists of ten       engineers standing in line to use an 029 keypunch.   In fact,       the building I work in doesn't contain a single keypunch.   The       Real Programmer in this situation has to do his work with a       "text editor" program.   Most systems supply several text       editors to select from, and the Real Programmer must be       careful to pick one that reflects his personal style.   Many       people believe that the best text editors in the world were       written at Xerox Palo Alto Research Center for use on their       Alto and Dorado computers [3].   Unfortunately, no Real       Programmer would ever use a computer whose operating system is       called SmallTalk, and would certainly not talk to the computer       with a mouse.          Some of the concepts in these Xerox editors have been       incorporated into editors running on more reasonably named       operating systems - {Emacs} and {VI} being two.   The problem       with these editors is that Real Programmers consider "what you       see is what you get" to be just as bad a concept in Text       Editors as it is in women.   No the Real Programmer wants a       "you asked for it, you got it" text editor - complicated,       cryptic, powerful, unforgiving, dangerous.   TECO, to be       precise.          It has been observed that a TECO command sequence more closely       resembles transmission line noise than readable text [4].   One       of the more entertaining games to play with TECO is to type       your name in as a command line and try to guess what it does.       Just about any possible typing error while talking with TECO       will probably destroy your program, or even worse - introduce       subtle and mysterious bugs in a once working subroutine.          For this reason, Real Programmers are reluctant to actually       edit a program that is close to working.   They find it much       easier to just patch the binary {object code} directly, using       a wonderful program called SUPERZAP (or its equivalent on       non-IBM machines).   This works so well that many working       programs on IBM systems bear no relation to the original       Fortran code.   In many cases, the original source code is no       longer available.   When it comes time to fix a program like       this, no manager would even think of sending anything less       than a Real Programmer to do the job - no Quiche Eating       structured programmer would even know where to start.   This is       called "job security".          Some programming tools NOT used by Real Programmers:          Fortran preprocessors like {MORTRAN} and {RATFOR}.   The       Cuisinarts of programming - great for making Quiche.   See       comments above on structured programming.          Source language debuggers.   Real Programmers can read core       dumps.          Compilers with array bounds checking.   They stifle creativity,       destroy most of the interesting uses for EQUIVALENCE, and make       it impossible to modify the operating system code with       negative subscripts.   Worst of all, bounds checking is       inefficient.          Source code maintenance systems.   A Real Programmer keeps his       code locked up in a card file, because it implies that its       owner cannot leave his important programs unguarded [5].          THE REAL PROGRAMMER AT WORK          Where does the typical Real Programmer work?   What kind of       programs are worthy of the efforts of so talented an       individual?   You can be sure that no Real Programmer would be       caught dead writing accounts-receivable programs in {COBOL},       or sorting {mailing lists} for People magazine.   A Real       Programmer wants tasks of earth-shaking importance       (literally!).          Real Programmers work for Los Alamos National Laboratory,       writing atomic bomb simulations to run on Cray I       supercomputers.          Real Programmers work for the National Security Agency,       decoding Russian transmissions.          It was largely due to the efforts of thousands of Real       Programmers working for NASA that our boys got to the moon and       back before the Russkies.          Real Programmers are at work for Boeing designing the       operating systems for cruise missiles.          Some of the most awesome Real Programmers of all work at the       Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California.   Many of them know       the entire operating system of the Pioneer and Voyager       spacecraft by heart.   With a combination of large ground-based       Fortran programs and small spacecraft-based assembly language       programs, they are able to do incredible feats of navigation       and improvisation - hitting ten-kilometer wide windows at       Saturn after six years in space, repairing or bypassing       damaged sensor platforms, radios, and batteries.   Allegedly,       one Real Programmer managed to tuck a pattern-matching program       into a few hundred bytes of unused memory in a Voyager       spacecraft that searched for, located, and photographed a new       moon of Jupiter.          The current plan for the Galileo spacecraft is to use a       gravity assist trajectory past Mars on the way to Jupiter.       This trajectory passes within 80 +/-3 kilometers of the       surface of Mars.   Nobody is going to trust a Pascal program       (or a Pascal programmer) for navigation to these tolerances.          As you can tell, many of the world's Real Programmers work for       the U.S. Government - mainly the Defense Department.   This is       as it should be.   Recently, however, a black cloud has formed       on the Real Programmer horizon.   It seems that some highly       placed Quiche Eaters at the Defense Department decided that       all Defense programs should be written in some grand unified       language called "ADA" ((C), DoD).   For a while, it seemed that       ADA was destined to become a language that went against all       the precepts of Real Programming - a language with structure,       a language with data types, {strong typing}, and semicolons.       In short, a language designed to cripple the creativity of the       typical Real Programmer.   Fortunately, the language adopted by       DoD has enough interesting features to make it approachable --       it's incredibly complex, includes methods for messing with the       operating system and rearranging memory, and Edsgar Dijkstra       doesn't like it [6].   (Dijkstra, as I'm sure you know, was the       author of "GoTos Considered Harmful" - a landmark work in       programming methodology, applauded by Pascal programmers and       Quiche Eaters alike.)   Besides, the determined Real Programmer       can write Fortran programs in any language.          The Real Programmer might compromise his principles and work       on something slightly more trivial than the destruction of       life as we know it, providing there's enough money in it.       There are several Real Programmers building video games at       Atari, for example.   (But not playing them - a Real Programmer       knows how to beat the machine every time: no challenge in       that.)   Everyone working at LucasFilm is a Real Programmer.       (It would be crazy to turn down the money of fifty million       Star Trek fans.)   The proportion of Real Programmers in       Computer Graphics is somewhat lower than the norm, mostly       because nobody has found a use for computer graphics yet.   On       the other hand, all computer graphics is done in Fortran, so       there are a fair number of people doing graphics in order to       avoid having to write COBOL programs.          THE REAL PROGRAMMER AT PLAY          Generally, the Real Programmer plays the same way he works -       with computers.   He is constantly amazed that his employer       actually pays him to do what he would be doing for fun anyway       (although he is careful not to express this opinion out loud).       Occasionally, the Real Programmer does step out of the office       for a breath of fresh air and a beer or two.   Some tips on       recognizing Real Programmers away from the computer room:          At a party, the Real Programmers are the ones in the corner       talking about operating system security and how to get around       it.          At a football game, the Real Programmer is the one comparing       the plays against his simulations printed on 11 by 14 fanfold       paper.          At the beach, the Real Programmer is the one drawing       flowcharts in the sand.          At a funeral, the Real Programmer is the one saying "Poor       George, he almost had the sort routine working before the       coronary."          In a grocery store, the Real Programmer is the one who insists       on running the cans past the laser checkout scanner himself,       because he never could trust keypunch operators to get it       right the first time.          THE REAL PROGRAMMER'S NATURAL HABITAT          What sort of environment does the Real Programmer function       best in?   This is an important question for the managers of       Real Programmers.   Considering the amount of money it costs to       keep one on the staff, it's best to put him (or her) in an       environment where he can get his work done.          The typical Real Programmer lives in front of a computer       terminal.   Surrounding this terminal are:          Listings of all programs the Real Programmer has ever worked       on, piled in roughly chronological order on every flat surface       in the office.          Some half-dozen or so partly filled cups of cold coffee.       Occasionally, there will be cigarette butts floating in the       coffee.   In some cases, the cups will contain Orange Crush.          Unless he is very good, there will be copies of the OS JCL       manual and the Principles of Operation open to some       particularly interesting pages.          Taped to the wall is a line-printer Snoopy calendar for the       year 1969.          Strewn about the floor are several wrappers for peanut butter       filled cheese bars - the type that are made pre-stale at the       bakery so they can't get any worse while waiting in the       vending machine.          Hiding in the top left-hand drawer of the desk is a stash of       double-stuff Oreos for special occasions.          Underneath the Oreos is a flowcharting template, left there by       the previous occupant of the office.   (Real Programmers write       programs, not documentation.   Leave that to the maintenance       people.)          The Real Programmer is capable of working 30, 40, even 50       hours at a stretch, under intense pressure.   In fact, he       prefers it that way.   Bad response time doesn't bother the       Real Programmer - it gives him a chance to catch a little       sleep between compiles.   If there is not enough schedule       pressure on the Real Programmer, he tends to make things more       challenging by working on some small but interesting part of       the problem for the first nine weeks, then finishing the rest       in the last week, in two or three 50-hour marathons.   This not       only impresses the hell out of his manager, who was despairing       of ever getting the project done on time, but creates a       convenient excuse for not doing the documentation.   In       general:          No Real Programmer works 9 to 5 (unless it's the ones at       night).          Real Programmers don't wear neckties.          Real Programmers don't wear high-heeled shoes.          Real Programmers arrive at work in time for lunch [9].          A Real Programmer might or might not know his wife's name. He       does, however, know the entire {ASCII} (or EBCDIC) code table.          Real Programmers don't know how to cook.   Grocery stores       aren't open at three in the morning.   Real Programmers survive       on Twinkies and coffee.          THE FUTURE          What of the future?   It is a matter of some concern to Real       Programmers that the latest generation of computer programmers       are not being brought up with the same outlook on life as       their elders.   Many of them have never seen a computer with a       front panel.   Hardly anyone graduating from school these days       can do hex arithmetic without a calculator.   College graduates       these days are soft - protected from the realities of       programming by source level debuggers, text editors that count       parentheses, and "user friendly" operating systems.   Worst of       all, some of these alleged "computer scientists" manage to get       degrees without ever learning Fortran!   Are we destined to       become an industry of Unix hackers and Pascal programmers?          From my experience, I can only report that the future is       bright for Real Programmers everywhere.   Neither OS 370 nor       Fortran show any signs of dying out, despite all the efforts       of Pascal programmers the world over.   Even more subtle       tricks, like adding structured coding constructs to Fortran       have failed.   Oh sure, some computer vendors have come out       with Fortran 77 compilers, but every one of them has a way of       converting itself back into a Fortran 66 compiler at the drop       of an option card - to compile DO loops like God meant them to       be.          Even Unix might not be as bad on Real Programmers as it once       was.   The latest release of Unix has the potential of an       operating system worthy of any Real Programmer - two different       and subtly incompatible user interfaces, an arcane and       complicated teletype driver, virtual memory.   If you ignore       the fact that it's "structured", even 'C' programming can be       appreciated by the Real Programmer: after all, there's no type       checking, variable names are seven (ten?   eight?)   characters       long, and the added bonus of the Pointer data type is thrown       in - like having the best parts of Fortran and assembly       language in one place.   (Not to mention some of the more       creative uses for #define.)          No, the future isn't all that bad.   Why, in the past few       years, the popular press has even commented on the bright new       crop of computer nerds and hackers ([7] and [8]) leaving       places like Stanford and M.I.T. for the Real World.   From all       evidence, the spirit of Real Programming lives on in these       young men and women.   As long as there are ill-defined goals,       bizarre bugs, and unrealistic schedules, there will be Real       Programmers willing to jump in and Solve The Problem, saving       the documentation for later.   Long live Fortran!          ACKNOWLEGEMENT          I would like to thank Jan E., Dave S., Rich G., Rich E., for       their help in characterizing the Real Programmer, Heather       B. for the illustration, Kathy E. for putting up with it, and       atd!avsdS:mark for the initial inspiration.          REFERENCES          [1] Feirstein, B., "Real Men don't Eat Quiche", New York,       Pocket Books, 1982.          [2] Wirth, N., "Algorithms + Data Structures Programs",       Prentice Hall, 1976.          [3] Ilson, R., "Recent Research in Text Processing", IEEE       Trans. Prof. Commun., Vol.   PC-23, No. 4, Dec. 4, 1980.          [4] Finseth, C., "Theory and Practice of Text Editors - or - a       Cookbook for an EMACS", B.S. Thesis, MIT/LCS/TM-165,       Massachusetts Institute of Technology, May 1980.          [5] Weinberg, G., "The Psychology of Computer Programming",       New York, Van Nostrand Reinhold, 1971, p.   110.          [6] Dijkstra, E., "On the GREEN language submitted to the       DoD", Sigplan notices, Vol. 3 No.   10, Oct 1978.          [7] Rose, Frank, "Joy of Hacking", Science 82, Vol. 3 No.   9,       Nov 82, pp.   58-66.          [8] "The Hacker Papers", Psychology Today, August 1980.          [9] sdcarl!lin, "Real Programmers", UUCP-net, Thu Oct 21       16:55:16 1982.          Ed Post, "Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal", DATAMATION, July       1983, pp. 263-265 (Readers' Forum).          (1997-08-29)