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Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) by Linux fortune

Sam:  What's new, Norm?
Norm: Most of my wife.
                -- Cheers, The Spy Who Came in for a Cold One

Coach: Beer, Norm?
Norm:  Naah, I'd probably just drink it.
                -- Cheers, Now Pitching, Sam Malone

Coach: What's doing, Norm?
Norm:  Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst.  I happen
       to be the guinea pig.
                -- Cheers, Let Me Count the Ways
You always have the option of pitching baseballs at empty spray paint cans
in a cul-de-sac in a Cleveland suburb.
        There was a mad scientist (a mad... social... scientist) who kidnapped
three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked
each of them in seperate cells with plenty of canned food and water but no
can opener.
        A month later, returning, the mad scientist went to the engineer's
cell and found it long empty.  The engineer had constructed a can opener from
pocket trash, used aluminum shavings and dried sugar to make an explosive,
and escaped.
        The physicist had worked out the angle necessary to knock the lids
off the tin cans by throwing them against the wall.  She was developing a good
pitching arm and a new quantum theory.
        The mathematician had stacked the unopened cans into a surprising
solution to the kissing problem; his dessicated corpse was propped calmly
against a wall, and this was inscribed on the floor:
        Theorem: If I can't open these cans, I'll die.
        Proof: assume the opposite...
[Babe] Ruth made a big mistake when he gave up pitching.
                -- Tris Speaker, 1921
Ruth made a great mistake when he gave up pitching.  Working once a week,
he might have lasted a long time and become a great star.
                -- Tris Speaker, commenting on Babe Ruth's plan to change
                   from being a pitcher to an outfielder.
                   Cerf/Navasky, "The Experts Speak"
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
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