|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)||by Linux fortune|
|If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?|
| "Are you police officers?"|
"No, ma'am. We're musicians."
-- The Blues Brothers
|Potahto' Pictures Productions Presents:|
THE TATERNATOR: Cyborg spud returns from the future to present-day
McDonald's restaurant to kill the potatoess (girl 'tater) who will give birth
to the world's largest french fry (The Dark Powers of Burger King are clearly
behind this). Most quotable line: "Ah'll be baked..."
A FISTFUL OF FRIES: Western in which our hero, The Spud with No Name,
rides into a town that's deprived of carbohydrates thanks to the evil takeover
of the low-cal Scallopinni Brothers. Plenty of smokeouts, fry-em-ups, and
general butter-melting by all.
FOR A FEW FRIES MORE: Takes up where AFOF left off! Cameo by Walter
Cronkite, as every man's common 'tater!
|Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after|
his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar.
"Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the
microphone, about to sing, are Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin, and the
bassist is the late Barry Oakley of the Allman Brothers. So Stevie
Ray's thinking, "Oh, wow! I've died and gone to rock and roll heaven."
Just then, Karen Carpenter walks in, sits down at the drums, and says:
"'Close to You'. Hit it, boys!"
-- Told by Penn Jillette, of magic/comedy duo Penn and Teller
| So Richard and I decided to try to catch [the small shark].|
With a great deal of strategy and effort and shouting, we managed to
maneuver the shark, over the course of about a half-hour, to a sort of
corner of the lagoon, so that it had no way to escape other than to
flop up onto the land and evolve. Richard and I were inching toward
it, sort of crouched over, when all of a sudden it turned around and --
I can still remember the sensation I felt at that moment, primarily in
the armpit area -- headed right straight toward us.
Many people would have panicked at this point. But Richard and
I were not "many people." We were experienced waders, and we kept our
heads. We did exactly what the textbook says you should do when you're
unarmed and a shark that is nearly two feet long turns on you in water
up to your lower calves: We sprinted I would say 600 yards in the
opposite direction, using a sprinting style such that the bottoms of
our feet never once went below the surface of the water. We ran all
the way to the far shore, and if we had been in a Warner Brothers
cartoon we would have run right INTO the beach, and you would have seen
these two mounds of sand racing across the island until they bonked
into trees and coconuts fell onto their heads.
-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
|They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!|
-- The Blues Brothers
|Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.|
-- Albert Einstein
They laughed at Einstein. They laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they
also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
-- Carl Sagan
|"For the love of phlegm...a stupid wall of death rays. How tacky can ya get?"|
- Post Brothers comics
|"It's no sweat, Henry. Russ made it back to Bugtown before he died. So he'll|
regenerate in a couple of days. It's just awful sloppy of him to get killed in
the first place. Humph!"
-- Ron Post, Post Brothers Comics
|Oh, the Slithery Dee, he crawled out of the sea.|
He may catch all the others, but he won't catch me.
No, he won't catch me, stupid ol' Slithery Dee.
He may catch all the others, but AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!
-- The Smothers Brothers
| Two brothers, Mort and Bill, like to sail. While Bill has a great|
deal of experience, he certainly isn't the rigger Mort is.
|I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers -- they're going|
to make a game out of it.
-- Woody Allen
|"Absolutely nothing should be concluded from these figures except that|
no conclusion can be drawn from them."
(By Joseph L. Brothers, Linux/PowerPC Project)
|All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers ... Each one owes|
infinitely more to the human race than to the particular country in
which he was born.
-- Francois Fenelon
|"Humpf!" Humpfed a voice! "For almost two days you've run wild and insisted on|
chatting with persons who've never existed. Such carryings-on in our peaceable
jungle! We've had quite enough of you bellowing bungle! And I'm here to
state," snapped the big kangaroo, "That your silly nonsensical game is all
through!" And the young kangaroo in her pouch said, "Me, too!"
"With the help of the Wickersham Brothers and dozens of Wickersham
Uncles and Wickersham Cousins and Wickersham In-Laws, whose help I've engaged,
You're going to be roped! And you're going to be caged! And, as for your dust
speck... Hah! That we shall boil in a hot steaming kettle of Beezle-Nut oil!"
-- Dr. Seuss "Horton Hears a Who"
|That all men should be brothers is the dream of people who have no brothers.|
-- Charles Chincholles, "Pensees de tout le monde"
|Well, anyway, I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized|
that like most books, it had too many words. The plot was the same one that
all James Bond books have: An evil person tries to blow up the world, but
James Bond kills him and his henchmen and makes love to several attractive
women. There, that's it: 24 words. But the guy who wrote the book took
*thousands* of words to say it.
Or consider "The Brothers Karamazov", by the famous Russian alcoholic
Fyodor Dostoyevsky. It's about these two brothers who kill their father.
Or maybe only one of them kills the father. It's impossible to tell because
what they mostly do is talk for nearly a thousand pages. If all Russians talk
as much as the Karamazovs did, I don't see how they found time to become a
major world power.
I'm told that Dostoyevsky wrote "The Brothers Karamazov" to raise
the question of whether there is a God. So why didn't he just come right
out and say: "Is there a God? It sure beats the heck out of me."
Other famous works could easily have been summarized in a few words:
* "Moby Dick" -- Don't mess around with large whales because they symbolize
nature and will kill you.
* "A Tale of Two Cities" -- French people are crazy.
-- Dave Barry
|Absolutely nothing should be concluded from these figures except that|
no conclusion can be drawn from them.
-- Joseph L. Brothers, Linux/PowerPC Project)