|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)||by Linux fortune|
|New Crime Identified: "Tech Rage"|
HARRISBURG, IL -- The police department in this Illinois town has coined a
new term for a growing trend in crime: "tech rage". Tech rage shares many
similarities with another modern crime, "road rage", but instead of
affecting drivers, tech rage is experienced by disgruntled computer users.
The first documented case of tech rage involves a Microsoft salesman, Bob
Glutzfield, who convinced the local TV station to "upgrade" its computer
systems from Macintosh to Wintel. While the migration seemed successful at
first, the Blue Screen became more prevalent during the following months.
Then, in January, the entire computer system crashed in the middle of the
weather forecast during the 10 o'clock evening news. Viewers could plainly
see the Blue Screen of Death showing in the monitors behind James Roland,
the chief meteorologist. The instability of Windows 98 stretched Roland's
patience until he snapped last week and succumbed to tech rage.
Roland tracked down the Microsoft salesman and followed him one evening to
his apartment. The weatherman yelled at the bewildered Microserf, "You
[expletive]! Because of you, I'm the [expletive] laughing stock of Southern
Illinois!" and then proceeded to beat him up. Roland is currently out on
bond pending trial next month.
|3M, under the Scotch brand name, manufactures a fine adhesive for art|
and display work. This product is called "Craft Mount". 3M suggests
that to obtain the best results, one should make the bond "while the
adhesive is wet, aggressively tacky." I did not know what "aggressively
tacky" meant until I read today's fortune.
[And who said we didn't offer equal time, huh? Ed.]
|The carbonyl is polarized,|
The delta end is plus.
The nucleophile will thus attack,
The carbon nucleus.
Addition makes an alcohol,
Of types there are but three.
It makes a bond, to correspond,
From C to shining C.
-- Prof. Frank Westheimer, to "America the Beautiful"
|The major difference between bonds and bond traders is that the bonds will|
|We have the flu. I don't know if this particular strain has an official|
name, but if it does, it must be something like "Martian Death Flu". You
may have had it yourself. The main symptom is that you wish you had another
setting on your electric blanket, up past "HIGH", that said "ELECTROCUTION".
Another symptom is that you cease brushing your teeth, because (a)
your teeth hurt, and (b) you lack the strength. Midway through the brushing
process, you'd have to lie down in front of the sink to rest for a couple
of hours, and rivulets of toothpaste foam would dribble sideways out of your
mouth, eventually hardening into crusty little toothpaste stalagmites that
would bond your head permanently to the bathroom floor, which is how the
police would find you.
You know the kind of flu I'm talking about.
-- Dave Barry, "Molecular Homicide"
|Well, anyway, I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized|
that like most books, it had too many words. The plot was the same one that
all James Bond books have: An evil person tries to blow up the world, but
James Bond kills him and his henchmen and makes love to several attractive
women. There, that's it: 24 words. But the guy who wrote the book took
*thousands* of words to say it.
Or consider "The Brothers Karamazov", by the famous Russian alcoholic
Fyodor Dostoyevsky. It's about these two brothers who kill their father.
Or maybe only one of them kills the father. It's impossible to tell because
what they mostly do is talk for nearly a thousand pages. If all Russians talk
as much as the Karamazovs did, I don't see how they found time to become a
major world power.
I'm told that Dostoyevsky wrote "The Brothers Karamazov" to raise
the question of whether there is a God. So why didn't he just come right
out and say: "Is there a God? It sure beats the heck out of me."
Other famous works could easily have been summarized in a few words:
* "Moby Dick" -- Don't mess around with large whales because they symbolize
nature and will kill you.
* "A Tale of Two Cities" -- French people are crazy.
-- Dave Barry
|Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them|
seemed to come from Texas.
-- Ian Fleming, "Casino Royale"
| "I suppose you expect me to talk."|
"No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die."
|Year Name James Bond Book|
---- -------------------------------- -------------- ----
50's James Bond TV Series Barry Nelson
1962 Dr. No Sean Connery 1958
1963 From Russia With Love Sean Connery 1957
1964 Goldfinger Sean Connery 1959
1965 Thunderball Sean Connery 1961
1967* Casino Royale David Niven 1954
1967 You Only Live Twice Sean Connery 1964
1969 On Her Majesty's Secret Service George Lazenby 1963
1971 Diamonds Are Forever Sean Connery 1956
1973 Live And Let Die Roger Moore 1955
1974 The Man With The Golden Gun Roger Moore 1965
1977 The Spy Who Loved Me Roger Moore 1962 (novelette)
1979 Moonraker Roger Moore 1955
1981 For Your Eyes Only Roger Moore 1960 (novelette)
1983 Octopussy Roger Moore 1965
1983* Never Say Never Again Sean Connery
1985 A View To A Kill Roger Moore 1960 (novelette)
1987 The Living Daylights Timothy Dalton 1965 (novelette)
* -- Not a Broccoli production.
|"Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them|
seemed to come from Texas."
- Ian Fleming, "Casino Royale"
| It is either through the influence of narcotic potions, of which all|
primitive peoples and races speak in hymns, or through the powerful approach
of spring, penetrating with joy all of nature, that those Dionysian stirrings
arise, which in their intensification lead the individual to forget himself
completely. . . .Not only does the bond between man and man come to be forged
once again by the magic of the Dionysian rite, but alienated, hostile, or
subjugated nature again celebrates her reconciliation with her prodigal son,
- Fred Nietzsche, The Birth of Tragedy