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Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) by Linux fortune

Excerpts From The First Annual Nerd Bowl (#4)

BRYANT DUMBELL: Welcome back. After Round 1, the Mad Hatters are ahead 15
to 12. Round 2, the Caffeine Craziness event, is now underway.

JOHN SPLADDEN: This is my favorite part of the Nerdbowl. Each player tries
to consume as many gallons of caffeinated beverages within one minute, and
then points are awarded based on the redness of their eyes.

DUMBELL: I like this event too... I must admit, it's much better than the
"Crash It" event that was played in the Zeroth Annual Nerdbowl last year.
Players were each seated in front of a PC running Windows 98... points
were awarded based on how fast the player could cause a Blue Screen.

SPLADDEN: Ah, yes, I remember that. Everybody complained that the event
was too easy. "Where the hell is the challenge?" yelled Chris DiBona while
doing a victory dance after the VA Linux Rich Penguins beat the SuSE Cats
In The Hats last year 121-96.
/*
* Hi, this is Linus Torvalds speaking, your Benevolent Dictator. I'm typing
* this today to talk about EyeOpener(tm) brand caffeinated beverages, for
* those really, really, _really_ long nights of kernel hacking.
*
* EyeOpener(tm): When ordinary colas don't keep you awake for 72 hours
* straight.
*/

   -- Comment embedded in Linux kernel 2.6.15 after Linus Torvalds
      decided to get-rich-quick by placing "comment-verts" in the code
Are you sick of wasting valuable seconds while ingesting caffeine or
eating a cold pizza? Is your programming project running behind because
you keep falling asleep? EyeOpener(tm) brand caffeinated beverages has the
solution. Our new ActiveIV product will provide a 24 hour supply of
caffeine via intravenous tube while you work -- so you can hack without
any interruptions at all (except going to the bathroom -- but our
Port-a-Urinal(tm) can help solve that problem as well).

EyeOpener(tm) beverages contain at least 5,000% of the daily recommended
dose of caffeine, a quantity that will surely keep you wide awake, alert,
and in Deep Hack Mode for weeks at a time. With EyeOpener and ActiveIV,
you won't waste your valuable time at a vendine machine.

EyeOpener(tm): You'll Never Waste Another Millisecond Ever Again.
The Linux House 1.01

Mr. Billy O'Nair knows how to build a house. The 24 year old retired
dotcom billionaire has constructed the "Linux House 1.01", a bachelor pad
built in the shape of Tux Penguin. This geek haven features a 256 foot
long computer room, along with other smaller, lesser important rooms
(kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, etc.).

Explained O'Nair, "Why do architects waste a bunch of space on formal
living rooms, family rooms, dining rooms, closets, foyers, and hallways
that are rarely used? In my 'Linux House', the majority of square footage
is devoted to the two rooms that I myself use the most: a computer room
and a procrastination room."

...The Linux House features a LAN (Liquor Acquisition Network) that
delivers alcohol or caffeinated beverages to any room in the house by way
of pipes that run through the ceiling. 'PANIC' buttons scattered
throughout the house activate the RAM System (Random Access Munchies), in
which candy bars and other snacks are immediately delivered by FPM (Fast
Pretzel Mode) and EDO (Extended Delicacy Output) pneumatic tubes.
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
©TU Chemnitz, 2006-2024
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