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De - Pt| Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) | by Linux fortune |
| Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's -- after Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars. | |
| And you can't get any Watney's Red Barrel, because the bars close every time you're thirsty... | |
| Symptom: Everything has gone dark. Fault: The Bar is closing. Action Required: Panic. Symptom: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet. You cannot see the bathroom light. Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter. Action Required: Check your watch to see if bars are open yet. If not, treat yourself to a lie-in. -- Bar Troubleshooting | |
| Down to the Banana Republics, Down to the tropical sun. Go the expatriated Americans, Hoping to find some fun. Some of them go for the sailing, Caught by the lure of the sea. Trying to find what is ailing, Living in the land of the free. Some of them are running from lovers, Leaving no forward address. Some of them are running tons of ganja, Some are running from the IRS. Late at night you will find them, In the cheap hotels and bars. Hustling the senoritas, While they dance beneath the stars. -- Jimmy Buffet, "Banana Republics" | |
| Two men looked out from the prison bars, One saw mud-- The other saw stars. Now let me get this right: two prisoners are looking out the window. While one of them was looking at all the mud -- the other one got hit in the head. | |
| Well, my daddy left home when I was three, And he didn't leave much for Ma and me, Just and old guitar an'a empty bottle of booze. Now I don't blame him 'cause he ran and hid, But the meanest thing that he ever did, Was before he left he went and named me Sue. ... But I made me a vow to the moon and the stars, I'd search the honkey tonks and the bars, And kill the man that give me that awful name. It was Gatlinburg in mid-July, I'd just hit town and my throat was dry, Thought I'd stop and have myself a brew, At an old saloon on a street of mud, Sitting at a table, dealing stud, Sat that dirty (bleep) that named me Sue. ... Now, I knew that snake was my own sweet Dad, From a wornout picture that my Mother had, And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye... -- Johnny Cash, "A Boy Named Sue" | |
| The Linux House 1.01 Mr. Billy O'Nair knows how to build a house. The 24 year old retired dotcom billionaire has constructed the "Linux House 1.01", a bachelor pad built in the shape of Tux Penguin. This geek haven features a 256 foot long computer room, along with other smaller, lesser important rooms (kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, etc.). Explained O'Nair, "Why do architects waste a bunch of space on formal living rooms, family rooms, dining rooms, closets, foyers, and hallways that are rarely used? In my 'Linux House', the majority of square footage is devoted to the two rooms that I myself use the most: a computer room and a procrastination room." ...The Linux House features a LAN (Liquor Acquisition Network) that delivers alcohol or caffeinated beverages to any room in the house by way of pipes that run through the ceiling. 'PANIC' buttons scattered throughout the house activate the RAM System (Random Access Munchies), in which candy bars and other snacks are immediately delivered by FPM (Fast Pretzel Mode) and EDO (Extended Delicacy Output) pneumatic tubes. | |
