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Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) by Linux fortune

My computer, my documents, my briefcase, my ASS!

   -- Ben Cook
Free your software, and your ass will follow  

   -- Laurent Szyster
Shoot me again.
Just proving that the quickest way to solve the problem is to post a
whine to the newsgroups: within moments the solution presents itself to
me, and meanwhile my ass is hanging out on the Net... *sigh*...
        -- Dave Phillips, dlphilp@bright.net, about problem solving via news
I shot a query into the net.
I haven't got an answer yet,                A posted message called me rotten
But seven people gave me hell                For ignoring mail I'd never gotten;
And said I ought to learn to spell;        An angry message asked me, Please
                                        Don't send such drivel overseas;
A lawyer sent me private mail
And swore he'd slap my ass in jail --        One netter thought it was a hoax:
I'd mentioned Un*x in my gem                "Hereafter, post to net dot jokes!";
And failed to add the T and M;                Another called my grammar vile
                                        And criticized my writing style.
Each day I scan each Subject line
In hopes the topic will be mine;
I shot a query into the net.
I haven't got an answer yet...
                -- Ed Nather
"...It was a lot faster than I thought it was going to be, much faster
than NT.  If further speed increases are done to the server for the final
release, Oracle is going to be able to wipe their ass with SQL SERVER and
hand it back to M$ while the Oracle admins ... migrate their databases
over to Linux!"
* lilo hereby declares OPN a virtual pain in the ass :)
I am dyslexic of Borg.  Prepare to have your ass laminated.
<devkev> yeah i saw the lightning gun and where you were going, thinking
         you were gonna kick some ass :)
<devkev> didnt realise it would be your own :)
"Otherwise, please speak to a doctor about removing your head from your
ass, I believe it would be beneficial to all involved."
        -- Zephaniah E. Hull, flaming someone on a mailing list
<LackOfKan> What are 'bots'?
<``Erik> rsg is a bot, not a human, not a human usable client, just a bot.
<``Erik> about the same as a quake bot, except irc bots are (usually)
         built to help, not shoot your ass full of holes
<shader> whats wrong with rjing?
<Rhamphoryncus> it's lame :P
<Rhamphoryncus> it should NOT be possible
<Rhamphoryncus> shoving a grenade up your ass and using it as rocket
                propelant shouldn't be a viable technique :P
"It's not just a computer -- it's your ass."
                -- Cal Keegan
QOTD:
        "When she hauled ass, it took three trips."
        "You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you
any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you
fit to hear his view of things?"
        "Quite the contrary.  You must defend your integrity, assuming
you have integrity to defend.  But you must defend it nobly, not by
imitating his own low behavior.  If you are gentle where he is rough,
if you are polite where he is uncouth, then he will recognize you as
potentially worthy.  If he does not, then he is not a master, after all,
and you may feel free to kick his ass."
                -- Tom Robbins, "Jitterbug Perfume"
A pain in the ass of major dimensions.
                -- C.A. Desoer, on the solution of non-linear circuits
There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by
ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.  Observe the ass, for instance: his
character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler
animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to.  Instead of feeling
complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt.
                -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell's ass."
- Senator Barry Goldwater, when asked what he thought of Jerry Falwell's
suggestion that all good Christians should be against Sandra Day O'Connor's
nomination to the Supreme Court
"We came.  We saw.  We kicked its ass."
-- Bill Murray, _Ghostbusters_
"It's not just a computer -- it's your ass."
-- Cal Keegan
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
©TU Chemnitz, 2006-2019
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