|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)||by Linux fortune|
|"No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.'"|
-- Dr. Who
|Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. Now, if they'd only|
take a bath ...
| "Emergency!" Sgiggs screamed, ejecting himself from the tub like it was|
a burning car. "Dial 'one'! Get room service! Code red!" Stiggs was on
the phone immediately, ordering more rose blossoms, because, according to
him, the ones floating in the tub had suddenly lost their smell. "I demand
smell," he shrilled. "I expecting total uninterrupted smell from these
Unfortunately, the service captain didn't realize that the Stiggs situation
involved fifty roses. "What am I going to do with this?" Stiggs sneered at
the weaseling hotel goon when he appeared at our door holding a single flower
floating in a brandy glass. Stiggs's tirade was great. "Do you see this
bathtub? Do you notice any difference between the size of the tub and the
size of that spindly wad of petals in your hand? I need total bath coverage.
I need a completely solid layer of roses all around me like puffing factories
of smell, attacking me with their smell and power-ramming big stinking
concentrations of rose odor up my nostrils until I'm wasted with pleasure."
It wasn't long before we got so dissatisfied with this incompetence that we
-- The Utterly Monstrous, Mind-Roasting Summer of O.C. and Stiggs,
National Lampoon, October 1982
|"An entire fraternity of strapping Wall-Street-bound youth. Hell - this|
is going to be a blood bath!"
-- Post Bros. Comics
|Sing hey! for the bath at close of day|
That washes the weary mud away!
A loon is he that will not sing:
O! Water Hot is a noble thing!
O! Sweet is the sound of falling rain,
and the brook that leaps from hill to plain;
but better than rain or rippling streams
is Water Hot that smokes and steams.
O! Water cold we may pour at need
down a thirsty throat and be glad indeed;
but better is Beer, if drink we lack,
and Water Hot poured down the back.
O! Water is fair that leaps on high
in a fountain white beneath the sky;
but never did fountain sound so sweet
as splashing Hot Water with my feet!
-- J. R. R. Tolkien
|I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me,|
"If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"
-- Steven Wright
|According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least|
once a year.
|Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long|
walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They
then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy
health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old,
not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find
only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the
others who have tried it.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"