Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) | by Linux fortune |
I. Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over. II. Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease. III. Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction. -- Esquire, "O'Donnell's Laws of Cartoon Motion", June 1980 | |
Life is a process, not a principle, a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved. - Gerard Straub, television producer and author (stolen from Frank Herbert??) | |
The evidence of the emotions, save in cases where it has strong objective support, is really no evidence at all, for every recognizable emotion has its opposite, and if one points one way then another points the other way. Thus the familiar argument that there is an instinctive desire for immortality, and that this desire proves it to be a fact, becomes puerile when it is recalled that there is also a powerful and widespread fear of annihilation, and that this fear, on the same principle proves that there is nothing beyond the grave. Such childish "proofs" are typically theological, and they remain theological even when they are adduced by men who like to flatter themselves by believing that they are scientific gents.... - H. L. Mencken | |
"In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current." -- Thomas Jefferson | |
"The fundamental principle of science, the definition almost, is this: the sole test of the validity of any idea is experiment." -- Richard P. Feynman | |
'On this point we want to be perfectly clear: socialism has nothing to do with equalizing. Socialism cannot ensure conditions of life and consumption in accordance with the principle "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs." This will be under communism. Socialism has a different criterion for distributing social benefits: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his work."' -- Mikhail Gorbachev, _Perestroika_ | |
It's getting uncommonly easy to kill people in large numbers, and the first thing a principle does -- if it really is a principle -- is to kill somebody. -- Dorothy L. Sayers, "Gaudy Night" | |
When you say that you agree to a thing in principle, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice. -- Otto Von Bismarck | |
Beifeld's Principle: The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidical progression when he is already in the company of (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a better-looking and richer male friend. -- R. Beifeld | |
Brontosaurus Principle: Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them in relation to their environment and to their own physiology: when this occurs, they are an endangered species. -- Thomas K. Connellan | |
Hildebrant's Principle: If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there. | |
Hitchcock's Staple Principle: The stapler runs out of staples only while you are trying to staple something. | |
Hurewitz's Memory Principle: The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to... to... uh..... | |
IBM Pollyanna Principle: Machines should work. People should think. | |
Magary's Principle: When there is a public outcry to cut deadwood and fat from any government bureaucracy, it is the deadwood and the fat that do the cutting, and the public's services are cut. | |
Occam's eraser: The philosophical principle that even the simplest solution is bound to have something wrong with it. | |
One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis | |
Pecor's Health-Food Principle: Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in it. | |
Peter's Law of Substitution: Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves. Peter's Principle of Success: Get up one time more than you're knocked down. | |
Rhode's Law: When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening, circumstance, or result can in no way be directly, indirectly, empirically, or circuitously proven, derived, implied, inferred, induced, deducted, estimated, or scientifically guessed, it will always for the purpose of convenience, expediency, political advantage, material gain, or personal comfort, or any combination of the above, or none of the above, be unilaterally and unequivocally assumed, proclaimed, and adhered to as absolute truth to be undeniably, universally, immutably, and infinitely so, until such time as it becomes advantageous to assume otherwise, maybe. | |
Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. | |
The Abrams' Principle: The shortest distance between two points is off the wall. | |
The Heineken Uncertainty Principle: You can never be sure how many beers you had last night. | |
Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics: Superiority is recessive. | |
Weinberg's Principle: An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy. | |
[Norm is angry.] Woody: What can I get you, Mr. Peterson? Norm: Clifford Clavin's head. -- Cheers, The Triangle Sam: Hey, what's happening, Norm? Norm: Well, it's a dog-eat-dog world, Sammy, and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear. -- Cheers, The Peterson Principle Sam: How's life in the fast lane, Normie? Norm: Beats me, I can't find the on-ramp. -- Cheers, Diane Chambers Day | |
Dear Miss Manners: My home economics teacher says that one must never place one's elbows on the table. However, I have read that one elbow, in between courses, is all right. Which is correct? Gentle Reader: For the purpose of answering examinations in your home economics class, your teacher is correct. Catching on to this principle of education may be of even greater importance to you now than learning correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners believes that is. | |
Carob works on the principle that, when mixed with the right combination of fats and sugar, it can duplicate chocolate in color and texture. Of course, the same can be said of dirt. | |
There is more simplicity in the man who eats caviar on impulse than in the man who eats Grape-Nuts on principle. -- G.K. Chesterton | |
Answers to Last Fortune's Questions: (1) None. (Moses didn't have an ark). (2) Your mother, by the pigeonhole principle. (3) I don't know. (4) Who cares? (5) 6 (or maybe 4, or else 3). Mr. Alfred J. Duncan of Podunk, Montana, submitted an interesting solution to Problem 5. (6) There is an interesting solution to this problem on page 1029 of my book, which you can pick up for $23.95 at finer bookstores and bathroom supply outlets (or 99 cents at the table in front of Papyrus Books). | |
Brief History Of Linux (#8) Let's all holler for Hollerith In 1890 the US Congress wanted to extend the census to collect exhaustive demographic information on each citizen that could be resold to marketing companies to help pay for the newly installed gold-plated toilets on Capitol Hill. Experts estimated that the 1890 Census wouldn't be completed until 1900. It was hoped that an electronic tabulating machine using punchcards designed by Herman Hollerith would speed up the process. It didn't quite work out that way. An infestation of termites ate their way through the wooden base of Hollerith's machines, and then a wave of insects devoured several stacks of punchcards. Also, some Hollerith models had the propensity to crash at the drop of a hat... literally. In one instance, the operator dropped his hat and when he reached down to pick it up, he bumped the machine, causing it to flip over and crash. These flaws meant that the census was delayed for several years. However, the system was, in the words of one newspaper reporter, "good enough for government work", a guiding principle that lives on to this very day and explains the government's insistence on using Windows-based PCs. | |
In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current. -- Thomas Jefferson | |
You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency. -- W. Somerset Maugham, "The Circle" | |
In caring for others and serving heaven, There is nothing like using restraint. Restraint begins with giving up one's own ideas. This depends on Virtue gathered in the past. If there is a good store of Virtue, then nothing is impossible. If nothing is impossible, then there are no limits. If a man knows no limits, then he is fit to be a ruler. The mother principle of ruling holds good for a long time. This is called having deep roots and a firm foundation, The Tao of long life and eternal vision. | |
In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence. -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter, "The Peter Principle" | |
When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money. -- Kim Hubbard |