Dictionary De - En
De - Es
De - Pt| Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) | by Linux fortune |
| No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it. -- Frank Lloyd Wright | |
| TV is chewing gum for the eyes. -- Frank Lloyd Wright | |
| People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them. -- Steven Wright | |
| My brother sent me a postcard the other day with this big sattelite photo of the entire earth on it. On the back it said: "Wish you were here". -- Steven Wright | |
| You can't have everything... where would you put it? -- Steven Wright | |
| I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died. -- Steven Wright | |
| You know that feeling when you're leaning back on a stool and it starts to tip over? Well, that's how I feel all the time. -- Steven Wright | |
| I came home the other night and tried to open the door with my car keys...and the building started up. So I took it out for a drive. A cop pulled me over for speeding. He asked me where I live... "Right here". -- Steven Wright | |
| "Our journey toward the stars has progressed swiftly. In 1926 Robert H. Goddard launched the first liquid-propelled rocket, achieving an altitude of 41 feet. In 1962 John Glenn orbited the earth. In 1969, only 66 years after Orville Wright flew two feet off the ground for 12 seconds, Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and I rocketed to the moon in Apollo 11." -- Michael Collins Former astronaut and past Director of the National Air and Space Museum | |
| This restaurant was advertising breakfast any time. So I ordered french toast in the renaissance. - Steven Wright, comedian | |
| Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. -- Frank Lloyd Wright | |
| Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. -- Albert Einstein They laughed at Einstein. They laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. -- Carl Sagan | |
| The Wright Bothers weren't the first to fly. They were just the first not to crash. | |
| A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and... Ooohh, that's much better. -- Steven Wright | |
| A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths. -- Steven Wright | |
| All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store... with a pricing gun... She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store." -- Steven Wright | |
| "Boy, life takes a long time to live." -- Steven Wright | |
| Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? -- Steven Wright | |
| For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. -- Steven Wright | |
| He asked me if I knew what time it was -- I said yes, but not right now. -- Steven Wright | |
| I am getting into abstract painting. Real abstract -- no brush, no canvas, I just think about it. I just went to an art museum where all of the art was done by children. All the paintings were hung on refrigerators. -- Steven Wright | |
| I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. -- Steven Wright | |
| "I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still ..." -- Steven Wright | |
| I finally went to the eye doctor. I got contacts. I only need them to read, so I got flip-ups. -- Steven Wright | |
| "I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me... I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?' He said, 'Phoenix.' So I pushed Phoenix. A few seconds later the doors opened, two tumbleweeds blew in... we were in downtown Phoenix. I looked at him and said 'You know, you're the kind of guy I want to hang around with.' We got into his car and drove out to his shack in the desert. Then the phone rang. He said 'You get it.' I picked it up and said 'Hello?'... the other side said 'Is this Steven Wright?'... I said 'Yes...' The guy said 'Hi, I'm Mr. Jones, the student loan director from your bank... It seems you have missed your last 17 payments, and the university you attended said that they received none of the $17,000 we loaned you... we would just like to know what happened to the money?' I said, 'Mr. Jones, I'll give it to you straight. I gave all of the money to my friend Slick, and with it he built a nuclear weapon... and I would appreciate it if you never called me again." -- Steven Wright | |
| I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go." -- Steven Wright | |
| I got this powdered water -- now I don't know what to add. -- Steven Wright | |
| I got tired of listening to the recording on the phone at the movie theater. So I bought the album. I got kicked out of a theater the other day for bringing my own food in. I argued that the concession stand prices were outrageous. Besides, I hadn't had a barbecue in a long time. I went to the theater and the sign said adults $5 children $2.50. I told them I wanted 2 boys and a girl. I once took a cab to a drive-in movie. The movie cost me $95. -- Steven Wright | |
| I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means it's going to be up all night. -- Steven Wright | |
| I have a box of telephone rings under my bed. Whenever I get lonely, I open it up a little bit, and I get a phone call. One day I dropped the box all over the floor. The phone wouldn't stop ringing. I had to get it disconnected. So I got a new phone. I didn't have much money, so I had to get an irregular. It doesn't have a five. I ran into a friend of mine on the street the other day. He said why don't you give me a call. I told him I can't call everybody I want to anymore, my phone doesn't have a five. He asked how long had it been that way. I said I didn't know -- my calendar doesn't have any sevens. -- Steven Wright | |
| I have a dog; I named him Stay. So when I'd go to call him, I'd say, "Here, Stay, here..." but he got wise to that. Now when I call him he ignores me and just keeps on typing. -- Steven Wright | |
| I have a friend whose a billionaire. He invented Cliff's notes. When I asked him how he got such a great idea he said, "Well first I... I just... to make a long story short..." -- Steven Wright | |
| I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it. -- Steven Wright | |
| I have a map of the United States. It's actual size. I spent last summer folding it. People ask me where I live, and I say, "E6". -- Steven Wright | |
| I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!" -- Steven Wright | |
| I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it. -- Steven Wright | |
| I just got out of the hospital after a speed reading accident. I hit a bookmark. -- Steven Wright | |
| I met my latest girl friend in a department store. She was looking at clothes, and I was putting Slinkys on the escalators. -- Steven Wright | |
| I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. -- Steven Wright | |
| I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. -- Steven Wright | |
| I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time. -- Steven Wright | |
| I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second. -- Steven Wright | |
| I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright | |
| I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out. The weatherman said "I don't understand it. I was supposed to be 80 degrees today," and I said "Oops." In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs. I just bought a microwave fireplace... You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes. -- Steven Wright | |
| I used to live in a house by the freeway. When I went anywhere, I had to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway. I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving. I was pulled over for speeding today. The officer said, "Don't you know the speed limit is 55 miles an hour?" And I said, "Yes, but I wasn't going to be out that long." I put a new engine in my car, but didn't take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles an hour. -- Steven Wright | |
| I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. -- Steven Wright | |
| I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Rennaissance. -- Steven Wright | |
| "I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn. By accident I put the car key in the door lock. The house started up. So I figured what the hell, and drove it around the block a few times. I thought I should go park it in the middle of the freeway and yell at everyone to get off my driveway." -- Steven Wright | |
| I was in a bar and I walked up to a beautiful woman and said, "Do you live around here often?" She said, "You're wearing two different-color socks." I said, "Yes, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness." She said, "How do you feel?" And I said, "You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time..." -- Steven Wright, "Gentlemen's Quarterly" | |
| I was in Vegas last week. I was at the roulette table, having a lengthy argument about what I considered an Odd number. -- Steven Wright | |
| "I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything specific". -- Steven Wright | |
| "I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any questions , I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen? He said he couldn't answer that, I told him sorry, but I couldn't work for him then. -- Steven Wright | |
| "I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums." -- Steven Wright | |
| I woke up this morning and discovered that everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. I told my roommate, "Isn't this amazing? Everything in the apartment has been stolen and replaced with an exact replica." He said, "Do I know you?" -- Steven Wright | |
| I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" -- Steven Wright | |
| Is it weird in here, or is it just me? -- Steven Wright | |
| It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. -- Steven Wright | |
| Last night the power went out. Good thing my camera had a flash.... The neighbors thought it was lightning in my house, so they called the cops. -- Steven Wright | |
| Last year we drove across the country... We switched on the driving... every half mile. We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip. I don't remember what it was. -- Steven Wright | |
| My brother sent me a postcard the other day with this big satellite photo of the entire earth on it. On the back it said: "Wish you were here". -- Steven Wright | |
| My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant. -- Steven Wright | |
| "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time." -- Steven Wright | |
| The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me. -- Steven Wright | |
| What's another word for "thesaurus"? -- Steven Wright | |
| When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?" -- Steven Wright | |
| When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend asked if I had slept well. I said, "No, I made a few mistakes." -- Steven Wright | |
| Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? -- Steven Wright | |
| Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head... if you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick... -- Steven Wright | |
| You can't have everything. Where would you put it? -- Steven Wright | |
| If your OS needs a virus detector... RUN!!! ...Out and buy Linux! -- Tim Wright | |
