Mexican : Dictionary / Wörterbuch (BEOLINGUS, TU Chemnitz)

Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)	by Linux fortune

I WISH I HAD A KRYPTONITE CROSS, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
History has much to say on following the proper procedures. From a history of the Mexican revolution: "Hidalgo was later defeated at Guadalajara. The rebel army was captured on its way through the mountains. All were courtmartialed and shot, except Hidalgo, because he was a priest. He was handed over to the bishop of Durango who excommunicated him and returned him to the army where he was then executed."
I DON'T THINK I'M ALONE when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs. -- Audobon Society Magazine
I THINK MAN INVENTED THE CAR by instinct. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
I THINK THERE SHOULD BE SOMETHING in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect." -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
I THINK THEY SHOULD CONTINUE the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for paneling. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
IN MY OPINION anyone interested in improving himself should not rule out becoming pure energy. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
IT MAKES ME MAD when I go to all the trouble of having Marta cook up about a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at Marineland says, "You can't throw that chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish." Sure they eat fish if that's all you give them! Man, wise up. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
MARTA SAYS THE INTERESTING thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta, grow up. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
MARTA WAS WATCHING THE FOOTBALL GAME with me when she said, "You know most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group." "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
THE OLD POOL SHOOTER had won many a game in his life. But now it was time to hang up the cue. When he did, all the other cues came crashing go the floor. "Sorry," he said with a smile. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
I'D LIKE TO BE BURIED INDIAN-STYLE, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
SOMETIMES THE BEAUTY OF THE WORLD is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle and I don't care who hears me because I am beautiful. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
TOO BAD YOU CAN'T BUY a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years. Struggle to become a parrot or something. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
Christoph, please remember that irony is not available between the Canadian and Mexican border.... you are confusing them again 8) - Alan Cox on linux-kernel
I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy brows." Then they would get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the car -- I forget what kind it was -- and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some bees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy whom we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff or not and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
An attorney was defending his client against a charge of first-degree murder. "Your Honor, my client is accused of stuffing his lover's mutilated body into a suitcase and heading for the Mexican border. Just north of Tijuana a cop spotted her hand sticking out of the suitcase. Now, I would like to stress that my client is ___not a murderer. A sloppy packer, maybe..."
I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.