|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)
||by Linux fortune
|World Domination, One CPU Cycle At A Time |
Forget about searching for alien signals or prime numbers. The real
distributed computing application is "Domination@World", a program to advocate
Linux and Apache to every website in the world that uses Windows and IIS.
The goal of the project is to probe every IP number to determine what kind of
platform each Net-connected machine is running. "That's a tall order... we
need lots of computers running our Domination@World clients to help probe
every nook and cranny of the Net," explained Mr. Zell Litt, the project head.
After the probing is complete, the second phase calls for the data to be
cross-referenced with the InterNIC whois database. "This way we'll have the
names, addresses, and phone numbers for every Windows-using system
administrator on the planet," Zell gloated. "That's when the fun begins."
The "fun" part involves LART (Linux Advocacy & Re-education Training), a plan
for extreme advocacy. As part of LART, each Linux User Group will receive a
list of the Windows-using weenies in their region. The LUG will then be able
to employ various advocacy techniques, ranging from a soft-sell approach
(sending the target a free Linux CD in the mail) all the way to "LARTcon 5"
(cracking into their system and forcibly installing Linux).
|You Might be a Microsoft Employee If...|
1. Every night you dream of torturing Linus Torvalds
2. Every morning you say, "I pledge allegiance to the logo of the United
Corporation of Microsoft. And to the stock options for which it stands, one
company, under Bill, with headaches and buggy software for all."
3. Your favorite pick-up line is, "Hey baby...do you want to see a little
4. Everytime you see a website with "Best viewed with Netscape" on it you
feel like filing a lawsuit against its webmaster
5. You feel that all Anti-Microsoft websites should be censored because they
are on the Internet, something Bill "invented."
6. You've set a goal to invent at least one new buzzword or acronym per day
7. You've ever been nervous because you haven't registered your Microsoft
8. You've trained your parrot to say "Unix sucks!" and "All hail Bill Gates!"
9. You own a limited edition Monopoly game in which Boardwalk is Microsoft and
Jail is replaced by Justice Department Investigation
10. You've spent countless hours tracking down the source of the "Microsoft
Acquires Vatican Church" rumor
|All the existing 2.0.x kernels are to buggy for 2.1.x to be the|
-- Alan Cox
|I'm So Miserable Without You It's Almost Like Having You Here|
-- Song title by Stephen Bishop.
She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft
-- Song title by Jerry Reed.
When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies' Room Will I Be Too Old to Care?
-- Song title by Lewis Grizzard.
I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
-- Unattributed song title.
Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through the Goal Posts of Life
-- Unattributed song title.
|When oxygen Tech played Hydrogen U.|
The Game had just begun, when Hydrogen scored two fast points
And Oxygen still had none
Then Oxygen scored a single goal
And thus it did remain, At Hydrogen 2 and Oxygen 1
Called because of rain.
|The justifications for drug testing are part of the presently fashionable|
debate concerning restoring America's "competitiveness." Drugs, it has been
revealed, are responsible for rampant absenteeism, reduced output, and poor
quality work. But is drug testing in fact rationally related to the
resurrection of competitiveness? Will charging the atmosphere of the
workplace with the fear of excretory betrayal honestly spur productivity?
Much noise has been made about rehabilitating the worker using drugs, but
to date the vast majority of programs end with the simple firing or the not
hiring of the abuser. This practice may exacerbate, not alleviate, the
nation's productivity problem. If economic rehabilitation is the ultimate
goal of drug testing, then criteria abandoning the rehabilitation of the
drug-using worker is the purest of hypocrisy and the worst of rationalization.
-- The concluding paragraph of "Constitutional Law: The
Fourth Amendment and Drug Testing in the Workplace,"
Tim Moore, Harvard Journal of Law & Public Policy, vol.
10, No. 3 (Summer 1987), pp. 762-768.
|All programmers are optimists. Perhaps this modern sorcery especially attracts|
those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers. Perhaps the hundreds
of nitty frustrations drive away all but those who habitually focus on the end
goal. Perhaps it is merely that computers are young, programmers are younger,
and the young are always optimists. But however the selection process works,
the result is indisputable: "This time it will surely run," or "I just found
the last bug."
-- Frederick Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month"
|[From the operation manual for the CI-300 Dot Matrix Line Printer, made|
The excellent output machine of MODEL CI-300 as extraordinary DOT MATRIX
LINE PRINTER, built in two MICRO-PROCESSORs as well as EAROM, is featured by
permitting wonderful co-existence such as; "high quality against low cost,"
"diversified functions with compact design," "flexibility in accessibleness
and durability of approx. 2000,000,00 Dot/Head," "being sophisticated in
mechanism but possibly agile operating under noises being extremely
And as a matter of course, the final goal is just simply to help achieve
"super shuttle diplomacy" between cool data, perhaps earned by HOST
COMPUTER, and warm heart of human being.
|The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at|
least until we've finished building it.
|FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN: #9|
has management potential:
Because of his intimate relationship with inanimate objects, the
reviewee has been appointed to the critical position of department
A true inspiration to others. ("There, but for the grace of God,
adapts to stress:
Passes wind, water, or out depending upon the severity of the
Continually sets low goals for himself, and usually fails
to meet them.
| "Life and death are seldom logical."|
"But attaining a desired goal always is."
-- McCoy and Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2821.7
|Madness has no purpose. Or reason. But it may have a goal.|
-- Spock, "The Alternative Factor", stardate 3088.7
|Actually, my goal is to have a sandwich named after me.|
|The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature|
is to build better mice.
|When you are about to do an objective and scientific piece of investigation|
of a topic, it is well to gave the answer firmly in hand, so that you can
proceed forthrightly, without being deflected or swayed, directly to the goal.
-- Amrom Katz
|I guess I've been so wrapped up in playing the game that I never took|
time enough to figure out where the goal line was -- what it meant to
win -- or even how you won.
-- Cash McCall
|I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on|
earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has
succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a
goal in front and not behind.
-- George Bernard Shaw
|The challenge of space exploration and particularly of landing men on the moon|
represents the greatest challenge which has ever faced the human race. Even
if there were no clear scientific or other arguments for proceeding with this
task, the whole history of our civilization would still impel men toward the
goal. In fact, the assembly of the scientific and military with these human
arguments creates such an overwhelming case that in can be ignored only by
those who are blind to the teachings of history, or who wish to suspend the
development of civilization at its moment of greatest opportunity and drama.
- Sir Bernard Lovell, 1962, in "The History of Manned Space Flight"
|...the Soviets have the capability to try big projects. If there is a goal,|
such as when Gorbachev states that they are going to have nuclear-powered
aircraft carriers, the case is closed -- that is it. They will concentrate
on the problem, do a bad job, and later pay the price. They really don't
care what the price is.
-- Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 1976
"Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 100
|Another goal is to establish a relationship "in which it is OK for everybody|
to do their best. There are an awful lot of people in management who really
don't want subordinates to do their best, because it gets to be very
threatening. But we have found that both internally and with outside
designers if we are willing to have this kind of relationship and if we're
willing to be vulnerable to what will come out of it, we get really good
-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's
Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988
|Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal.|
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
©TU Chemnitz, 2006-2013