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Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) by Linux fortune

Windows 2000 is more secure than Linux...

Since the machine is offline half of the time because of crashes, it
cannot be accessed globally, therefore producing higher security.

   -- From a Slashdot.org post
"CmdrBurrito" Launches Slashdot.org Parody

An anonymous hacker with the handle "CmdrBurrito" has launched a parody of the
Slashdot "News for Nerds" site entitled Dotslash. Dotslash has the motto
"Snooze for Slackers. Stuff that Scatters." It has fake news articles and
ficticious reader comments. Some of the recent articles include "Bill Gates
Wins Powerball Jackpot," "Linux 2.1.666 Released," and "Supercomputer Created
from 8088 and Z80 Computers." Rumor has it that "CmdrBurrito" plans to create
parodies of other sites, including Linux Weekly News ("Linsux Weakly Snooze"),
Freshmeat ("Deadmeat"), and Linux.org ("Linsux.org").

When asked about Dotslash, Slashdot webmaster Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda said, "No
problem. I simply posted an article about it on Slashdot, and watched it die
from the 'Slashdot Effect.' Six hours later, and it's still offline. I suspect
Dotslash is running Windows NT. The mystery 'CmdrBurrito' character is probably
a bored Microsoft employee."
Jargon Coiner (#12)

An irregular feature that aims to give you advance warning of new jargon
that we've just made up.

* IPO (I've Patented the Obvious): Acquiring patents on trivial things and
  then hitting other companies over the head with them.

  Example: "Amazon just IPO'd one-click spam and is now ready to sue B&N."

* IPO (I'm Pissed Off): Exclamation given by a Linux user who was unable
  to participate in a highly lucrative Linux IPO due to lack of capital or
  E*Trade problems. Also uttered by Linux hackers who did not receive The
  Letter from Red Hat or VA Linux even though their friends did.
  
* YAKBA (Yet Another Killer Backhoe Attack): The acronym that describes
  network outtages caused by a careless backhoe operator.

  Examples: "Don't blame us, our website was offline after we suffered a
  YAKBA". "Don't worry about Y2K, what we need to think about is
  YAKBA-compliance."
Microsoft Website Crashes, World Does Not Come To An End

REDMOND, WA -- In a crushing blow to Bill Gates' ego, world civilization
did not collapse when the Microsoft website was offline for an extended
period last week.

During the anti-trust trial, Microsoft's lawyers repeatedly warned that if
the company was broken up or dealt any other penalty (no matter how
trivial), it would not only cost the tech industry billions of dollars,
but it could decimate the entire world economy and even bring about the
start of World War III. At the risk of sounding like a biased, slanted,
overzealous journalist, let me just say: Yeah, right!

The stunning realization that the world does not revolve around Redmond
(yet) has plunged many Microsoft executives into shock. "But microsoft.com
is the single most important website in the world! And Microsoft is the
single most important company in the Universe! This can't be happening!
Why isn't civilization teetering on the edge right now?" said one
depressed President Of Executive Vice.
<Knghtbrd> "The currency collectors are offline."  "I'm rerouting though
           the secondary couplings.  If we re-align the phase manifold we
           should be able to use the plasma inductor matrix to manually
           launch a new cheesy spinoff series."
* ShadwDrgn sighs
<Phase> you leave my manifolds alone
<Phase> !
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
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