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De - Pt| Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) | by Linux fortune |
| Work was impossible. The geeks had broken my spirit. They had done too many things wrong. It was never like this for Mencken. He lived like a Prussian gambler -- sweating worse than Bryan on some nights and drunker than Judas on others. It was all a dehumanized nightmare...and these raddled cretins have the gall to complain about my deadlines. -- Hunter Thompson, "Bad Nerves in Fat City", _Generation of Swine_ | |
| We laugh at the Indian philosopher, who to account for the support of the earth, contrived the hypothesis of a huge elephant, and to support the elephant, a huge tortoise. If we will candidly confess the truth, we know as little of the operation of the nerves, as he did of the manner in which the earth is supported: and our hypothesis about animal spirits, or about the tension and vibrations of the nerves, are as like to be true, as his about the support of the earth. His elephant was a hypothesis, and our hypotheses are elephants. Every theory in philosophy, which is built on pure conjecture, is an elephant; and every theory that is supported partly by fact, and partly by conjecture, is like Nebuchadnezzar's image, whose feet were partly of iron, and partly of clay. -- Thomas Reid, "An Inquiry into the Human Mind", 1764 | |
| There's amnesia in a hangknot, And comfort in the ax, But the simple way of poison will make your nerves relax. There's surcease in a gunshot, And sleep that comes from racks, But a handy draft of poison avoids the harshest tax. You find rest on the hot squat, Or gas can give you pax, But the closest corner chemist has peace in packaged stacks. There's refuge in the church lot When you tire of facing facts, And the smoothest route is poison prescribed by kindly quacks. Chorus: With an *ugh!* and a groan, and a kick of the heels, Death comes quiet, or it comes with squeals -- But the pleasantest place to find your end Is a cup of cheer from the hand of a friend. -- Jubal Harshaw, "One For The Road" | |
| Bill Gates Receives Slap On Wrist; Carpal Tunnel Flares Up The phrase "slap on the wrist" usually signifies an extremely minor punishment received for a crime. In Bill Gates' case, the punishment set forth in the tentative settlement with the Department Of Justice hasn't been quite so minor. After receiving a slap on the wrist from the DOJ, Bill Gates' is now suffering from a bad case of carpal tunnel syndrome. "Mr. Gates was slapped on the left wrist earlier today by a DOJ lawyer," said the chief surgeon of the mini-hospital enclosed within the Gates Mansion. "Now he can't move that hand without extreme pain. It's obvious that years of sitting in front of a computer plotting world domination has caused his hands and nerves to become fragile and vulnerable to even the slightest touch." The Department of Justice proclaimed that the incident has vindicated their actions. Explained the lawyer who delivered the punishment, "We've been accused of selling out to Microsoft. We've been criticized for giving up even though we've already won the game. But that's all wrong. It's quite clear that the slap-on-the-wrist punishment has been anything but a slap on the wrist. We won this case and Microsoft lost. So there!" | |
| It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being. -- Benjamin Disraeli | |
