|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)||by Linux fortune|
|Insurance Company To Offer Microsoft Audit Protection Plans |
LOUDON, TENNESSEE -- Companies, organizations, and government agencies all
across the world are facing a disaster of epic proportions: the impending
invasion of the Microsoft Intellectual Property Police. The counter this
menace, Loydds of Loudon, Tennessee, the prestigious insurance firm, has
started to offer "Audit Insurance" to protect against unexpected "random"
audits from everybody's favorite software monopoly.
"We've received numerous inquiries about this type of protection," company
co-founder Bob Loydds said. "Businessmen are no longer worried about
earthquakes, fires, or other natural disasters. The big fear of the 21st
Century comes from Redmond."
The insurance firm is currently in negotiations with Red Hat to form the
"Red Berets", an elite squad of Linux geeks trained to rapidly install
Linux and hide all traces of Windows on every computer within an
organization. During a Defcon 95 emergency, Loydds will airlift the
squadron and a crate of Linux CDs to any position in the country within
hours. The Red Berets will wipe away all vestiges of Microsoft software so
that when the auditors show up they won't have anything to audit.
|If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th' collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!!|
|`Lasu' Releases SAG 0.3 -- Freeware Book Takes Paves For New World Order|
by staff writers
The SAG is one of the major products developed via the Information
Superhighway, the brain child of Al Gore, US Vice President. The ISHW
is being developed with massive govenment funding, since studies show
that it already has more than four hundred users, three years before
the first prototypes are ready. Asked whether he was worried about the
foreign influence in an expensive American Dream, the vice president
said, ``Finland? Oh, we've already bought them, but we haven't told
anyone yet. They're great at building model airplanes as well. And _I
can spell potato.'' House representatives are not mollified, however,
wanting to see the terms of the deal first, fearing another Alaska.
Rumors about the SAG release have imbalanced the American stock
market for weeks. Several major publishing houses reached an all time
low in the New York Stock Exchange, while publicly competing for the
publishing agreement with Mr. Wirzenius. The negotiations did not work
out, tough. ``Not enough dough,'' says the author, although spokesmen
at both Prentice-Hall and Playboy, Inc., claim the author was incapable
of expressing his wishes in a coherent form during face to face talks,
preferring to communicate via e-mail. ``He kept muttering something
about jiffies and pegs,'' they say.
-- Lars Wirzenius <firstname.lastname@example.org>