|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)||by Linux fortune|
|Why are you watching|
The washing machine?
I love entertainment
So long as it's clean.
While the preceding poem is unarguably a change from the guarded
pessimism of "The Hound of Heaven," it cannot be regarded as an unqualified
improvement. Obscurity is of value only when it tends to clarify the poetic
experience. As much as one is compelled to admire the poem's technique, one
must question whether its byplay of complex literary allusions does not in
fact distract from the unity of the whole. In the final analysis, one
receives the distinct impression that the poem's length could safely have
been reduced by a factor of eight or ten without sacrificing any of its
meaning. It is to be hoped that further publication of this poem can be
suspended pending a thorough investigation of its potential subversive
| The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on|
the subject of towels.
Most importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For
some reason, if a non-hitchhiker discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel
with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a
toothbrush, washcloth, flask, gnat spray, space suit, etc., etc. Furthermore,
the non-hitchhiker will then happily lend the hitchhiker any of these or
a dozen other items that he may have "lost". After all, any man who can
hitch the length and breadth of the Galaxy, struggle against terrible odds,
win through and still know where his towel is, is clearly a man to be
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
|In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that|
is over six feet in length.
|=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================|
There has been some confusion concerning MAPCAR.
(DEFUN MAPCAR (&FUNCTIONAL FCN &EVAL &REST LISTS)
(PROG (V P LP)
(SETQ P (LOCF V))
L (SETQ LP LISTS)
(%START-FUNCTION-CALL FCN T (LENGTH LISTS) NIL)
L1 (OR LP (GO L2))
(AND (NULL (CAR LP)) (RETURN V))
(%PUSH (CAAR LP))
(RPLACA LP (CDAR LP))
(SETQ LP (CDR LP))
L2 (%FINISH-FUNCTION-CALL FCN T (LENGTH LISTS) NIL)
(SETQ LP (%POP))
(RPLACD P (SETQ P (NCONS LP)))
We hope this clears up the many questions we've had about it.
|I have travelled the length and breadth of this country, and have talked with|
the best people in business administration. I can assure you on the highest
authority that data processing is a fad and won't last out the year.
-- Editor in charge of business books at Prentice-Hall
publishers, responding to Karl V. Karlstrom (a junior
editor who had recommended a manuscript on the new
science of data processing), c. 1957
|Proposed Additions to the PDP-11 Instruction Set:|
PI Punch Invalid
POPI Punch Operator Immediately
PVLC Punch Variable Length Card
RASC Read And Shred Card
RPM Read Programmers Mind
RSSC reduce speed, step carefully (for improved accuracy)
RTAB Rewind tape and break
RWDSK rewind disk
RWOC Read Writing On Card
SCRBL scribble to disk - faster than a write
SLC Search for Lost Chord
SPSW Scramble Program Status Word
SRSD Seek Record and Scar Disk
STROM Store in Read Only Memory
TDB Transfer and Drop Bit
WBT Water Binary Tree
|I already have too much problem with people thinking the efficiency of|
a perl construct is related to its length. On the other hand, I'm
perfectly capable of changing my mind next week... :-) --lwall
|Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.|
|The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.|
-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
|Chism's Law of Completion:|
The amount of time required to complete a government project is
precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
The enforced compression of a string in the fixed-length field
The problem of fitting extremely variable-length strings such as names,
addresses, and item descriptions into fixed-length records is no trivial
matter. Neglect of the subtle art of curtation has probably alienated more
people than any other aspect of data processing. You order Mozart's "Don
Giovanni" from your record club, and they invoice you $24.95 for MOZ DONG.
The witless mapping of the sublime onto the ridiculous! Equally puzzling is
the curtation that produces the same eight characters, THE BEST, whether you
order "The Best of Wagner", "The Best of Schubert", or "The Best of the Turds".
Similarly, wine lovers buying from computerized wineries twirl their glasses,
check their delivery notes, and inform their friends, "A rather innocent,
possibly overtruncated CAB SAUV 69 TAL." The squeezing of fruit into 10
columns has yielded such memorable obscenities as COX OR PIP. The examples
cited are real, and the curtational methodology which produced them is still
MOZ DONG n.
Curtation of Don Giovanni by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Lorenzo da
Ponte, as performed by the computerized billing ensemble of the Internat'l
Preview Society, Great Neck (sic), N.Y.
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
|Godwin's Law (prov. [Usenet]):|
As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a
comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one." There is a
tradition in many groups that, once this occurs, that thread is
over, and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost
whatever argument was in progress. Godwin's Law thus guarantees
the existence of an upper bound on thread length in those groups.
|What orators lack in depth they make up in length.|
|A rope lying over the top of a fence is the same length on each side. It|
weighs one third of a pound per foot. On one end hangs a monkey holding a
banana, and on the other end a weight equal to the weight of the monkey.
The banana weighs two ounces per inch. The rope is as long (in feet) as
the age of the monkey (in years), and the weight of the monkey (in ounces)
is the same as the age of the monkey's mother. The combined age of the
monkey and its mother is thirty years. One half of the weight of the monkey,
plus the weight of the banana, is one forth as much as the weight of the
weight and the weight of the rope. The monkey's mother is half as old as
the monkey will be when it is three times as old as its mother was when she
she was half as old as the monkey will be when when it is as old as its mother
will be when she is four times as old as the monkey was when it was twice
as its mother was when she was one third as old as the monkey was when it
was old as is mother was when she was three times as old as the monkey was
when it was one fourth as old as it is now. How long is the banana?
|Anything cut to length will be too short.|
|The cables are not the same length.|
| It's grad exam time...|
Inside your desk you'll find a listing of the DEC/VMS operating
system in IBM 1710 machine code. Show what changes are necessary to convert
this code into a UNIX Berkeley 7 operating system. Prove that these fixes are
bug free and run correctly. You should gain at least 150% efficiency in the
new system. (You should take no more than 10 minutes on this question.)
If X equals PI times R^2, construct a formula showing how long
it would take a fire ant to drill a hole through a dill pickle, if the
length-girth ratio of the ant to the pickle were 98.17:1.
Describe the Universe. Give three examples.
|"To your left is the marina where several senior cabinet officials keep luxury |
yachts for weekend cruises on the Potomac. Some of these ships are up to 100
feet in length; the Presidential yacht is over 200 feet in length, and can
remain submerged for up to 3 weeks."
-- Garrison Keillor
|...Saure really turns out to be an adept at the difficult art of papryomancy,|
the ability to prophesy through contemplating the way people roll reefers -
the shape, the licking pattern, the wrinkles and folds or absence thereof
in the paper. "You will soon be in love," sez Saure, "see, this line here."
"It's long, isn't it? Does that mean --" "Length is usually intensity.
-- Thomas Pynchon, _Gravity's Rainbow_