|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)||by Linux fortune|
|If you _really_ feel this strongly about the bug, you could|
either try to increase the number of hours a day for all of
us or you could talk to my boss about hiring me as a consultant
to fix the problem for you on an emergency basis :)
- Rik van Riel explaining what to do against kernel bugs
|There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know|
|(6) Men employees will be given time off each week for courting|
purposes, or two evenings a week if they go regularly to church.
(7) After an employee has spent his thirteen hours of labor in the
office, he should spend the remaining time reading the Bible
and other good books.
(8) Every employee should lay aside from each pay packet a goodly
sum of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years,
so that he will not become a burden on society or his betters.
(9) Any employee who smokes Spanish cigars, uses alcoholic drink
in any form, frequents pool tables and public halls, or gets
shaved in a barber's shop, will give me good reason to suspect
his worth, intentions, integrity and honesty.
(10) The employee who has performed his labours faithfully and
without a fault for five years, will be given an increase of
five cents per day in his pay, providing profits from the
business permit it.
-- "Office Worker's Guide", New England Carriage Works, 1872
|According to a recent and unscientific national survey, smiling is something|
everyone should do at least 6 times a day. In an effort to increase the
national average (the US ranks third among the world's superpowers in
smiling), Xerox has instructed all personnel to be happy, effervescent, and
most importantly, to smile. Xerox employees agree, and even feel strongly
that they can not only meet but surpass the national average... except for
Tubby Ackerman. But because Tubby does such a fine job of racing around
parking lots with a large butterfly net retrieving floating IC chips, Xerox
decided to give him a break. If you see Tubby in a parking lot he may have
a sheepish grin. This is where the expression, "Service with a slightly
sheepish grin" comes from.
|Dealing with the problem of pure staff accumulation,|
all our researches ... point to an average increase of 5.75% per year.
-- C.N. Parkinson
|Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage.|
|Real wealth can only increase.|
-- R. Buckminster Fuller
In the year 2054, the entire defense budget will purchase just one
aircraft. This aircraft will have to be shared by the Air Force and
Navy 3-1/2 days each per week except for leap year, when it will be
made available to the Marines for the extra day.
Software is like entropy. It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing,
and obeys the Second Law of Thermodynamics, i.e., it always increases.
It is very expensive to achieve high unreliability. It is not uncommon
to increase the cost of an item by a factor of ten for each factor of
ten degradation accomplished.
Although most products will soon be too costly to purchase, there will
be a thriving market in the sale of books on how to fix them.
In any given year, Congress will appropriate the amount of funding
approved the prior year plus three-fourths of whatever change the
administration requests -- minus 4-percent tax.
-- Norman Augustine
|Increased Electricity Consumption Blamed on Linux|
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The US Department of Energy claims Linux is partially
responsible for the increased demand for electricity during the past year.
Electricity use was up 2.5% from January to September of 1998 compared with
the same period in 1997. "While some of the increase can be attributed to
higher temperatures over the summer," one Department bureaucrat explained,
"Linux is certainly a contributor to the increased demand for power."
When asked for clarification, the bureaucrat responded, "In the past, most
PCs have been turned off when not in use. Linux users, on the other hand,
usually don't turn off their computers. They leave them on, hoping to
increase their uptime to impress their friends. And since Linux rarely
crashes the entire system, those computers stay on for weeks, months, even
years at a time. With Linux use continuing to grow, we expect demand for
electricity to increase steadily over the next several years."
In response to the news, several utility companies have announced plans to
give away free Linux CDs to paying customers who request them. One anonymous
executive said, "The more people who use Linux, the more power they consume.
The more electricity they use, the more money we make. It's a win-win
combination." Yesterday Linus Torvalds was nominated as a candidate for the
Assocation of American Utility Companies Person of the Year.
|Treaty of Helsinki Signed |
HELSINKI, FINLAND -- A cease-fire in the flame war between Linux and
FreeBSD has been reached. A group of two dozen Linux and FreeBSD zealots
met in Helsinki to ratify a treaty bringing a temporary end to the hostile
fighting between both camps. "Today is a good day for peace," one observer
noted. "Now both sides can lay down their keyboards and quit flaming the
opposing side on Usenet and Slashdot."
The cease-fire is a response to the sudden increase in fighting that has
occured over the past two weeks. The Slashdot server became a victim of
the cross-fire this week when thousands of Anonymous Cowards and Geek
Zealots posted inflammatory comments that amounted to, "My OS is better
than your OS!" Many nerds, suffering withdrawl symptoms when the Slashdot
site slowed to a crawl, demanded that the bickering stop.
"I can't take it anymore! It takes two minutes to download the Slashdot
homepage -- assuming the site is actually online. I must have my 'News for
Nerds' now! The fighting must stop," one Anonymous Coward ranted.
|<aj> <Knghtbrd> the increase in tension worldwide (as evidenced by crime|
<aj> and whatnot) over that time period looks a lot like Linux
<aj> growth since 1993
<aj> ``Linux linked to worldwide crime epidemic!!''
|innovate /IN no vait/ vb.: 1. To appropriate third-party technology|
through purchase, imitation, or theft and to integrate it into a
de-facto, monopoly-position product. 2. To increase in size or complexity
but not in utility; to reduce compatibility or interoperability. 3. To
lock-out competitors or to lock-in users. 4. To charge more money; to
increase prices or costs. 5. To acquire profits from investments in other
companies but not from direct product or service sales. 6. To stifle or
manipulate a free market; to extend monopoly powers into new markets. 7.
To evade liability for wrong-doings; to get off. 8. To purchase
legislation, legislators, legislatures, or chiefs of state. 9. To
mediate all transactions in a global economy; to embezzle; to co-opt power
(coup d'état). Cf. innovate, English usage (antonym).
-- csbruce, in a Slashdot post
Work without doing.
Taste the tasteless.
Magnify the small, increase the few.
Reward bitterness with care.
See simplicity in the complicated.
Achieve greatness in little things.
In the universe the difficult things are done as if they are easy.
In the universe great acts are made up of small deeds.
The sage does not attempt anything very big,
And thus achieved greatness.
Easy promises make for little trust.
Taking things lightly results in great difficulty.
Because the sage always confronts difficulties,
He never experiences them.
|And the French medical anatomist Etienne Serres really did argue that|
black males are primitive because the distance between their navel and
penis remains small (relative to body height) throughout life, while
white children begin with a small separation but increase it during
growth -- the rising belly button as a mark of progress.
-- S.J. Gould, "Racism and Recapitulation"
|"I believe the use of noise to make music will increase until we reach a|
music produced through the aid of electrical instruments which will make
available for musical purposes any and all sounds that can be heard."
-- composer John Cage, 1937
|Abou Ben Adhem (may his tribe increase!)|
Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace,
And saw, within the moonlight in his room,
Making it rich, and like a lily in bloom,
An angel writing in a book of gold.
Exceeding peace had made Ben Adhem bold,
And to the presence in the room he said,
"What writest thou?" The vision raised its head,
And with a look made of all sweet accord,
Answered, "The names of those who love the Lord."
"And is mine one?" said Abou. "Nay not so,"
Replied the angel. Abou spoke more low,
But cheerly still; and said, "I pray thee then,
Write me as one that loves his fellow-men."
The angel wrote, and vanished. The next night
It came again with a great wakening light,
And showed the names whom love of God had blessed,
And lo! Ben Adhem's name led all the rest.
-- James Henry Leigh Hunt, "Abou Ben Adhem"
|How doth the VAX's C-compiler|
Improve its object code.
And even as we speak does it
Increase the system load.
How patiently it seems to run
And spit out error flags,
While users, with frustration, all
Tear their clothes to rags.
|College football is a game which would be much more interesting if the faculty|
played instead of the students, and even more interesting if the trustees
played. There would be a great increase in broken arms, legs, and necks,
and simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the loss to humanity.
-- H. L. Mencken
|Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability:|
Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting
some useful work done.
|Parkinson's Fourth Law:|
The number of people in any working group tends to increase
regardless of the amount of work to be done.
|Adding features does not necessarily increase functionality -- it just|
makes the manuals thicker.
|THIS IS PLEDGE WEEK FOR THE FORTUNE PROGRAM|
If you like the fortune program, why not support it now with your
contribution of a pithy fortunes, clean or obscene? We cannot continue
without your support. Less than 14% of all fortune users are contributors.
That means that 86% of you are getting a free ride. We can't go on like
this much longer. Federal cutbacks mean less money for fortunes, and unless
user contributions increase to make up the difference, the fortune program
will have to shut down between midnight and 8 a.m. Don't let this happen.
Mail your fortunes right now to "fortune". Just type in your favorite pithy
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end of the week. Don't miss out. All fortunes will be acknowledged. If you
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Fortune Hunter", our monthly program guide. If you contribute 50 or more,
you will receive a free "Fortune Hunter" coffee mug ....
|There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells and|
fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated pools here
and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving them parched for
wonder. There are also those who believe that if you stick your fingers up
your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence.
-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII