|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)||by Linux fortune|
|Have you ever felt like a wounded cow|
halfway between an oven and a pasture?
walking in a trance toward a pregnant
-- Richard Brautigan
| A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked to add 2 and 2.|
The housewife replied, "Four!".
The accountant said, "It's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures
through my spread sheet one more time."
The lawyer pulled the drapes, dimmed the lights and asked in a
hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
|The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex,|
no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.
-- Harry V. Wade
|Census Taker to Housewife:|
Did you ever have the measles, and, if so, how many?
|Now that you've read Fortune's diet truths, you'll be prepared the next|
time some housewife or boutique-owner-turned-diet-expert appears on TV
to plug her latest book. And, if you still feel a twinge of guilt for
eating coffee cake while listening to her exhortations, ask yourself
the following questions:
(1) Do I dare trust a person who actually considers alfalfa sprouts a
(2) Was the author's sole motive in writing this book to get rich
exploiting the forlorn hopes of chubby people like me?
(3) Would a longer life be worthwhile if it had to be lived as
prescribed ... without French-fried onion rings, pizza with
double cheese, or the occasional Mai-Tai? (Remember, living
right doesn't really make you live longer, it just *seems* like
That, and another piece of coffee cake, should do the trick.
|Said the attractive, cigar-smoking housewife to her girl-friend: "I got|
started one night when George came home and found one burning in the ashtray."