|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)||by Linux fortune|
|Actual Snippet of Windows Source Code! Honest!|
NOTE: The following snippet of the Windows 95 source code was sent to us via
'unofficial' channels. Don't tell anyone you saw this! We really don't
feel like being visited by the Microsoft Intellectual Property Police.
/* Do nothing loop to kill CPU cycles; added at the
request of Intel */
for( int i = 0; i < BIG_INT; i++ )
for( int j = 0; j < BIG_INT; j++ )
for( int k = 0; k < BIG_INT; k++ )
for( int l = 0; l < BIG_INT; l++ )
if( STACK_SPACE_PERCENTAGE_FREE > .05 )
/* There's plenty of stack space left -- let's
eat up some more CPU cycles, recursively! */
| After Donald Trump's stretch limousine was stolen and found|
undamaged a few blocks away; he said, "Nothing was stolen. I had
an honest thief."-International Herald Tribune, page 3, March 2,
|"I thought that you said you were 20 years old!"|
"As a programmer, yes," she replied,
"And you claimed to be very near two meters tall!"
"You said you were blonde, but you lied!"
Oh, she was a hacker and he was one, too,
They had so much in common, you'd say.
They exchanged jokes and poems, and clever new hacks,
And prompts that were cute or risque'.
He sent her a picture of his brother Sam,
She sent one from some past high school day,
And it might have gone on for the rest of their lives,
If they hadn't met in L.A.
"Your beard is an armpit," she said in disgust.
He answered, "Your armpit's a beard!"
And they chorused: "I think I could stand all the rest
If you were not so totally weird!"
If she had not said what he wanted to hear,
And he had not done just the same,
They'd have been far more honest, and never have met,
And would not have had fun with the game.
-- Judith Schrier, "Face to Face After Six Months of
|A possum must be himself, and being himself he is honest.|
-- Walt Kelly
| A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had|
made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he
would like on it. "Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the
"Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this
state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However,
I could put ``here lies an honest lawyer'', if that would be okay."
"But that won't let people know who it is" protested the lawyer.
"Certainly will," retorted the stonecutter. "people will read it
and exclaim, "That's Strange!"
|Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?", someone|
asked him, after a few days.
"Not too bad", replied Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."
|There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he|
filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary
as 'unearned income.'
-- Michael Lara
|It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.|
-- Publius Ovidius Naso (Ovid)
| Several students were asked to prove that all odd integers are prime.|
The first student to try to do this was a math student. "Hmmm...
Well, 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, and by induction, we have that all
the odd integers are prime."
The second student to try was a man of physics who commented, "I'm not
sure of the validity of your proof, but I think I'll try to prove it by
experiment." He continues, "Well, 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is
prime, 9 is... uh, 9 is... uh, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is prime, 13
is prime... Well, it seems that you're right."
The third student to try it was the engineering student, who responded,
"Well, to be honest, actually, I'm not sure of your answer either. Let's
see... 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is... uh, 9 is...
well, if you approximate, 9 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime... Well, it
does seem right."
Not to be outdone, the computer science student comes along and says
"Well, you two sort've got the right idea, but you'll end up taking too long!
I've just whipped up a program to REALLY go and prove it." He goes over to
his terminal and runs his program. Reading the output on the screen he says,
"1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime..."
| This is where the bloodthirsty license agreement is supposed to go,|
explaining that Interactive Easyflow is a copyrighted package licensed for
use by a single person, and sternly warning you not to pirate copies of it
and explaining, in detail, the gory consequences if you do.
We know that you are an honest person, and are not going to go around
pirating copies of Interactive Easyflow; this is just as well with us since
we worked hard to perfect it and selling copies of it is our only method of
making anything out of all the hard work.
If, on the other hand, you are one of those few people who do go
around pirating copies of software you probably aren't going to pay much
attention to a license agreement, bloodthirsty or not. Just keep your doors
locked and look out for the HavenTree attack shark.
-- License Agreement for Interactive Easyflow
|American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees|
be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are
educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and
the women's room without having little pictures on the doors.
-- Dave Barry, "Urine Trouble, Mister"
|I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for|
nothing. I gave them nothing for something.
-- Joseph "Yellow Kid" Weil
|Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss put in an honest day's work.|
|The Worst Car Hire Service|
When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck
as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up
shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California.
He put on a cap and looked forward to watching people's faces as he
conducted them round the choice of bumperless, dented junkmobiles.
To his lasting surprise there was an insatiable demand for them and
he now has 26 thriving branches all over America. "People like driving
round in the worst cars available," he said. Of course they do.
"If a driver damages the side of a car and is honest enough to
admit it, I tell him, `Forget it'. If they bring a car back late we
overlook it. If they've had a crash and it doesn't involve another vehicle
we might overlook that too."
"Where's the ashtray?" asked on Los Angeles wife, as she settled
into the ripped interior. "Honey," said her husband, "the whole car's the
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
|There is one way to find out if a man is honest -- ask him. If he says|
"Yes" you know he is crooked.
-- Groucho Marx
|Rule a nation with justice.|
Wage war with surprise moves.
Become master of the universe without striving.
How do I know that this is so?
Because of this!
The more laws and restrictions there are,
The poorer people become.
The sharper men's weapons,
The more trouble in the land.
The more ingenious and clever men are,
The more strange things happen.
The more rules and regulations,
The more thieves and robbers.
Therefore the sage says:
I take no action and people are reformed.
I enjoy peace and people become honest.
I do nothing and people become rich.
I have no desires and people return to the good and simple life.
|A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest|
man a century.
|An ambassador is an honest man sent abroad to lie and intrigue for the|
benefit of his country.
-- Sir Henry Wotton, 1568-1639
|An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.|
-- Simon Cameron
There are honest journalists like there are honest politicians. When
bought they stay bought.
-- Bill Moyers
|Put a rogue in the limelight and he will act like an honest man.|
-- Napoleon Bonaparte, "Maxims"
|I am not an Economist. I am an honest man!|
-- Paul McCracken
|An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.|
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
|Each honest calling, each walk of life, has its own elite, its own aristocracy|
based on excellence of performance. -- James Bryant Conant
|The idea of man leaving this earth and flying to another celestial body and|
landing there and stepping out and walking over that body has a fascination
and a driving force that can get the country to a level of energy, ambition,
and will that I do not see in any other undertaking. I think if we are
honest with ourselves, we must admit that we needed that impetus extremely
strongly. I sincerely believe that the space program, with its manned
landing on the moon, if wisely executed, will become the spearhead for a
broad front of courageous and energetic activities in all the fields of
endeavour of the human mind - activities which could not be carried out
except in a mental climate of ambition and confidence which such a spearhead
- Dr. Martin Schwarzschild, 1962, in "The History of Manned Space Flight"
|Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate problem is|
wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim in pulpits
that unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish and ignorant?
Is it not a spectacle to make the angels laugh? We are a company of
ignorant beings, feeling our way through mists and darkness, learning only
be incessantly repeated blunders, obtaining a glimmering of truth by
falling into every conceivable error, dimly discerning light enough for
our daily needs, but hopelessly differing whenever we attempt to describe
the ultimate origin or end of our paths; and yet, when one of us ventures
to declare that we don't know the map of the universe as well as the map
of our infintesimal parish, he is hooted, reviled, and perhaps told that
he will be damned to all eternity for his faithlessness...
- Leslie Stephen, "An agnostic's Apology", Fortnightly Review, 1876
|"A commercial, and in some respects a social, doubt has been started within the|
last year or two, whether or not it is right to discuss so openly the security
or insecurity of locks. Many well-meaning persons suppose that the discus-
sion respecting the means for baffling the supposed safety of locks offers a
premium for dishonesty, by showing others how to be dishonest. This is a fal-
lacy. Rogues are very keen in their profession, and already know much more
than we can teach them respecting their several kinds of roguery. Rogues knew
a good deal about lockpicking long before locksmiths discussed it among them-
selves, as they have lately done. If a lock -- let it have been made in what-
ever country, or by whatever maker -- is not so inviolable as it has hitherto
been deemed to be, surely it is in the interest of *honest* persons to know
this fact, because the *dishonest* are tolerably certain to be the first to
apply the knowledge practically; and the spread of knowledge is necessary to
give fair play to those who might suffer by ignorance. It cannot be too ear-
nestly urged, that an acquaintance with real facts will, in the end, be better
for all parties."
-- Charles Tomlinson's Rudimentary Treatise on the Construction of Locks,
published around 1850
|"An honest god is the noblest work of man. ... God has always resembled his|
creators. He hated and loved what they hated and loved and he was invariably
found on the side of those in power. ... Most of the gods were pleased with
sacrifice, and the smell of innocent blood has ever been considered a divine
-- Robert G. Ingersoll
|A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.|
-- Edgar A. Shoaff
|All men profess honesty as long as they can. To believe all men honest|
would be folly. To believe none so is something worse.
-- John Quincy Adams
|Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.|
|Higgins: Doolittle, you're either an honest man or a rogue.|
Doolittle: A little of both, Guv'nor. Like the rest of us, a
little of both.
-- Shaw, "Pygmalion"
|I am looking for a honest man.|
-- Diogenes the Cynic
|If you are honest because honesty is the best policy, your honesty is corrupt.|
|It's better to be quotable than to be honest.|
-- Tom Stoppard
|You can't cheat an honest man. Never give a sucker an even break or|
smarten up a chump.
-- W.C. Fields
|You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you|
have few friends.