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Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) by Linux fortune

Jargon Coiner (#10)

An irregular feature that aims to give you advance warning of new jargon
that we've just made up.

* HOBTOB (Hanging Out By The O'Reilly Books): Seeking free Linux technical
  support at a bookstore by waiting near the computer books for a geek to
  come by and then casually asking them for help.

* MOOLA (Marketing Officially Organizes Linux Adoptance):  A press release
  issued by a Dot Com (or Dot Con?) heralding their "support" for Linux
  (i.e. "BigPortal.com adopts Linux as their official operating system by
  adding five Linux-related links to their BigDirectory"); used to inflate
  their stock price and rake in moola even though none of their employees
  have ever used Linux and don't really care.
  
* KARMA KOLLECTOR: Slashdot user who treats the acquisition of "karma" as
  a game; often has a detailed strategy on how to sucker moderators into
  raising the score of their posts (i.e. posting a comment with a title
  like "Microsoft Sucks!!! (Score 3, Insightful)" or using "Only a fool
  would moderate this down" as a signature). See also "Karma Whore".
Linux: the dot in "dot org".

   -- From a Slashdot.org post
I shot a query into the net.
I haven't got an answer yet,                A posted message called me rotten
But seven people gave me hell                For ignoring mail I'd never gotten;
And said I ought to learn to spell;        An angry message asked me, Please
                                        Don't send such drivel overseas;
A lawyer sent me private mail
And swore he'd slap my ass in jail --        One netter thought it was a hoax:
I'd mentioned Un*x in my gem                "Hereafter, post to net dot jokes!";
And failed to add the T and M;                Another called my grammar vile
                                        And criticized my writing style.
Each day I scan each Subject line
In hopes the topic will be mine;
I shot a query into the net.
I haven't got an answer yet...
                -- Ed Nather
Reclaimer, spare that tree!
Take not a single bit!
It used to point to me,
Now I'm protecting it.
It was the reader's CONS
That made it, paired by dot;
Now, GC, for the nonce,
Thou shalt reclaim it not.
<Wordplay> You measure your vibrators in "characters per second"?  I have
           bad news for you, c90, you've been masturbating with a
           dot-matrix printer.
RFC 882 put the dot in .com, not Sun Microsystems
        -- Seen on Slashdot
[From the operation manual for the CI-300 Dot Matrix Line Printer, made
in Japan]:

The excellent output machine of MODEL CI-300 as extraordinary DOT MATRIX
LINE PRINTER, built in two MICRO-PROCESSORs as well as EAROM, is featured by
permitting wonderful co-existence such as; "high quality against low cost,"
"diversified functions with compact design," "flexibility in accessibleness
and durability of approx. 2000,000,00 Dot/Head," "being sophisticated in
mechanism but possibly agile operating under noises being extremely
suppressed" etc.

And as a matter of course, the final goal is just simply to help achieve
"super shuttle diplomacy" between cool data, perhaps earned by HOST
COMPUTER, and warm heart of human being.
MOCK APPLE PIE (No Apples Needed)

  Pastry to two crust 9-inch pie        36 RITZ Crackers
2 cups water                                 2 cups sugar
2 teaspoons cream of tartar                 2 tablespoons lemon juice
  Grated rind of one lemon                   Butter or margarine
  Cinnamon

Roll out bottom crust of pastry and fit into 9-inch pie plate.  Break
RITZ Crackers coarsely into pastry-lined plate.  Combine water, sugar
and cream of tartar in saucepan, boil gently for 15 minutes.  Add lemon
juice and rind.  Cool.  Pour this syrup over Crackers, dot generously
with butter or margarine and sprinkle with cinnamon.  Cover with top
crust.  Trim and flute edges together.  Cut slits in top crust to let
steam escape.  Bake in a hot oven (425 F) 30 to 35 minutes, until crust
is crisp and golden.  Serve warm.  Cut into 6 to 8 slices.
                -- Found lurking on a Ritz Crackers box
TIRED of calculating components of vectors?  Displacements along direction of
force getting you down?  Well, now there's help.  Try amazing "Dot-Product",
the fast, easy way many professionals have used for years and is now available
to YOU through this special offer.  Three out of five engineering consultants
recommend "Dot-Product" for their clients who use vector products.  Mr.
Gumbinowitz, mechanical engineer, in a hidden-camera interview...
        "Dot-Product really works!  Calculating Z-axis force components has
        never been easier."
Yes, you too can take advantage of the amazing properties of Dot-Product.  Use
it to calculate forces, velocities, displacements, and virtually any vector
components.  How much would you pay for it?  But wait, it also calculates the
work done in Joules, Ergs, and, yes, even BTU's.  Divide Dot-Product by the
magnitude of the vectors and it becomes an instant angle calculator!  Now, how
much would you pay?  All this can be yours for the low, low price of $19.95!!
But that's not all!  If you order before midnight, you'll also get "Famous
Numbers of Famous People" as a bonus gift, absolutely free!  Yes, you'll get
Avogadro's number, Planck's, Euler's, Boltzmann's, and many, many, more!!
Call 1-800-DOT-6000.  Operators are standing by.  That number again...
1-800-DOT-6000.  Supplies are limited, so act now.  This offer is not
available through stores and is void where prohibited by law.
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
©TU Chemnitz, 2006-2019
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