Dictionary De - En
De - Es
De - Pt| Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) | by Linux fortune |
| A manager went to the master programmer and showed him the requirements document for a new application. The manager asked the master: "How long will it take to design this system if I assign five programmers to it?" "It will take one year," said the master promptly. "But we need this system immediately or even sooner! How long will it take it I assign ten programmers to it?" The master programmer frowned. "In that case, it will take two years." "And what if I assign a hundred programmers to it?" The master programmer shrugged. "Then the design will never be completed," he said. -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming" | |
| *** STUDENT SUCCESSES *** Many of our students have gone on to achieve great success in all fields of programming. One former student developed the concept of the personalized form letter. Does the phrase, "Dear Mr.(insert name), You may already be a winner!," sound familiar? Another student writes "After only five lessons I sold a "My Most Unforgettable Program" article to Corrosive Computing magazine. Another of our graduates writes, "I recently completed a database-management program for my department manager. My program touched him so deeply that he was speechless. He told me later that he had never seen such a program in his entire career. Thank you, Famous Programmers' school; only you could have made this possible." Send for our introductory brochure which explains in vague detail the operation of the Famous Programmers' School, and you'll be eligible to win a possible chance to enter a drawing, the winner of which can vie for a set of free steak knives. If you don't do it now, you'll hate yourself in the morning. | |
| The government has just completed work on a missile that turned out to be a bit of a boondoggle; nicknamed "Civil Servant", it won't work and they can't fire it. | |
| Priority: A statement of the importance of a user or a program. Often expressed as a relative priority, indicating that the user doesn't care when the work is completed so long as he is treated less badly than someone else. | |
| program, n.: Any task that can't be completed in one telephone call or one day. Once a task is defined as a program ("training program," "sales program," or "marketing program"), its implementation always justifies hiring at least three more people. | |
| Vail's Second Axiom: The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the amount of work already completed. | |
| Five people -- an Englishman, Russian, American, Frenchman and Irishman were each asked to write a book on elephants. Some amount of time later they had all completed their respective books. The Englishman's book was entitled "The Elephant -- How to Collect Them", the Russian's "The Elephant -- Vol. I", the American's "The Elephant -- How to Make Money from Them", the Frenchman's "The Elephant -- Its Mating Habits" and the Irishman's "The Elephant and Irish Political History". | |
| You Might be a Microsoft Employee If... 1. When a Microsoft program crashes for the millionth time, you say "Oh, well!" and reboot without any negative thoughts 2. The Windows 95 startup screen (the clouds) makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside 3. You fully understand why Windows 95's Shutdown Option has to be accessed from the Start Menu 4. You believe Internet Explorer's security flaws were slipped in by a crack team of Netscape programmers 5. You keep valuable papers near your fireplace. Therefore, you are comfortable with Windows 95's "may-delete-it-at-anytime" philosophy 6. You're the Bob that Microsoft Bob was named after 7. Instead of "I'd rather be fishing," your bumper sticker says, "I'd rather be writing buggy Microsoft code" 8. You know the technical difference between OLE 1.0 and OLE 2.0 9. You've ever completed your income taxes while waiting for Windows 95 to boot, and didn't think anything of it 10. You run Solitaire more than any other program, and therefore you consider your computer a Dedicated Solitaire Engine (DSE) | |
| Windows NT encountered the following error: The operation completed successfully. -- From a Slashdot.org post | |
| Excerpts From The First Annual Nerd Bowl (#7) JOHN SPLADDEN: In this final round, the two teams must assemble a 16-node Beowulf cluster from scratch, install Linux on them, and then use the system to calculate pi to 1 million digits. This is the ultimate test for nerds... only people in the Big Leagues should attempt this... [snip] BRYANT DUMBELL: Look at that! Instead of messing with screws, the Portalbacks are using duct tape to attach their motherboards to the cases! That should save some time. [snip] They've done it! The Mad Hatters have completed the Final Round in 2 hours, 15 minutes. That's one hell of a Beowulf cluster they produced... drool. SPLADDEN: With that, the Mad Hatters win the Nerd Bowl 105 to 68! There's going to be some serious beer-drinking tonight back at the Red Hat offices. DUMBELL: Linus Torvalds has emerged from the sidelines to present his Linus Torvalds Trophy to the winners. What a glorious sight! This has definitely been the best Nerdbowl ever. I pity those people that have been watching the Superbowl instead. | |
| Brief History Of Linux (#8) Let's all holler for Hollerith In 1890 the US Congress wanted to extend the census to collect exhaustive demographic information on each citizen that could be resold to marketing companies to help pay for the newly installed gold-plated toilets on Capitol Hill. Experts estimated that the 1890 Census wouldn't be completed until 1900. It was hoped that an electronic tabulating machine using punchcards designed by Herman Hollerith would speed up the process. It didn't quite work out that way. An infestation of termites ate their way through the wooden base of Hollerith's machines, and then a wave of insects devoured several stacks of punchcards. Also, some Hollerith models had the propensity to crash at the drop of a hat... literally. In one instance, the operator dropped his hat and when he reached down to pick it up, he bumped the machine, causing it to flip over and crash. These flaws meant that the census was delayed for several years. However, the system was, in the words of one newspaper reporter, "good enough for government work", a guiding principle that lives on to this very day and explains the government's insistence on using Windows-based PCs. | |
| I'd been hearing all sorts of gloom and doom predictions for Y2K, so I thought I'd heed some of the advice that the experts have been giving: Fill up the car's gas tank, stock up on canned goods, fill up the bathtub with water, and so on. I guess I wasn't fully awake when I completed my preparations late last night. This morning I found the kitchen shelves soaked in gasoline, water in the car's gas tank, and my bathtub filled with baked beans. -- Dan Pearl in a message to rec.humor.funny | |
| <|Rain|> I *love* SWB!! <|Rain|> Or, press 5 to speak to a representitive.. <|Rain|> *5* <|Rain|> You are being transferred, please hold... <|Rain|> ... <|Rain|> ... <|Rain|> We're sorry, this number can not be completed as dialed. <|Rain|> Please check the number and try again. | |
| The POP3 server service depends on the SMTP server service, which failed to start because of the following error: The operation completed successfully. -- Windows NT Server v3.51 | |
| XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV: The only thing more costly than stretching the schedule of an established project is accelerating it, which is itself the most costly action known to man. XXV: A revised schedule is to business what a new season is to an athlete or a new canvas to an artist. -- Norman Augustine | |
