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Cancer
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Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) by Linux fortune

PLEASE DON'T SMOKE HERE!

Penalty: An early, lingering death from cancer,
         emphysema, or other smoking-caused ailment.
Class-Action Lawsuit Filed Against Linus Torvalds

SILLYCON VALLEY -- Nearly 130 former system administrators have filed suit
against Linus Torvalds in which they claim Linux cost them their jobs.
Recently several companies migrated from Windows to Linux, increasing
their productivity but decreasing the need for a large staff of tech
workers, prompting a wave of layoffs.

"The good old days when it required five full-time system administrators
to maintain a Microsoft Exchange server are history, all because of that
cancer known as Linux," explained the lead litigant in the lawsuit.

"It all started two years ago when some pimply-faced idiot down in
Accounting decided to smuggle in a Linux box to automate some of his work.
Before long every tech-savvy person in Accounting, Billing, and Sales was
secretly using Linux."

"That's when the troubles started. Productivity soared. Downtime was
limited to an average of three milliseconds per day. Macro viruses ceased
to spread. It was horrible! The entire IT staff was replaced by one
part-time bearded wonder, who was able to administrate the entire Linux
network! Due to the layoffs, I'm now sitting in a homeless shelter with
little hope to find work. Nobody wants to hire an MCSE anymore!"
<Knghtbrd> Studies prove that research causes cancer in 43% of laboratory
           rats
<CQ> knghtbrd- yeah, but 78% of those statistics are off by 52%...
<wc> red dye causes cancer, haven't you heard? (;
<Knghtbrd> fucking everything causes cancer, haven't you heard?
<Knghtbrd> =>
<archon> no, that causes aids
I would rather spend 10 hours reading someone else's source code than 10
minutes listening to Musak waiting for technical support which isn't.
        -- Dr. Greg Wettstein, Roger Maris Cancer Center
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Saliva causes cancer, but only if swallowed in small amounts over a long
period of time.
                -- George Carlin
The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with.
Scientists working for the Department of Energy have tried to form oil using
other animals; they've piled thousands of tons of sand and Middle Eastern
countries on top of cows, raccoons, haddock, laboratory rats, etc., but so
far all they have managed to do is run up an enormous bulldozer-rental bill
and anger a lot of Middle Eastern persons.  None of the animals turned into
oil, although most of the laboratory rats developed cancer.
                -- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"
"If there isn't a population problem, why is the government putting cancer in
the cigarettes?"
-- the elder Steptoe, c. 1970
Arnold's Addendum:
        Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
Morton's Law:
        If rats are experimented upon, they will develop cancer.
Pardo's First Postulate:
        Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

Arnold's Addendum:
        Everything else causes cancer in rats.
"I would rather spend 10 hours reading someone else's source code than
10 minutes listening to Musak waiting for technical support which isn't."
(By Dr. Greg Wettstein, Roger Maris Cancer Center)
"...[Linux's] capacity to talk via any medium except smoke signals."
(By Dr. Greg Wettstein, Roger Maris Cancer Center)
I would rather spend 10 hours reading someone else's source code than
10 minutes listening to Musak waiting for technical support which isn't.
        -- Dr. Greg Wettstein, Roger Maris Cancer Center
...[Linux's] capacity to talk via any medium except smoke signals.
        -- Dr. Greg Wettstein, Roger Maris Cancer Center
Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon.
                -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
©TU Chemnitz, 2006-2019
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