|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)||by Linux fortune|
| VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel|
entrances; others cannot.
This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least
it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to
trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical
space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to
follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not
VIII. Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.
Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives
might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed,
accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be
destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate,
elongate, snap back, or solidify.
IX. For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.
This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to
the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of
watching it happen to a duck instead.
X. Everything falls faster than an anvil.
Examples too numerous to mention from the Roadrunner cartoons.
-- Esquire, "O'Donnell's Laws of Cartoon Motion", June 1980
|Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question.|
They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that was
built. Finally the big day was at hand. All the computers were linked
together. They asked the question, "Is there a God?". Lights started
blinking, flashing and blinking some more. Suddenly, there was a loud
crash, and a bolt of lightning came down from the sky, struck the
computers, and welded all the connections permanently together. "There
is now", came the reply.
|We don't understand the software, and sometimes we don't understand the|
hardware, but we can *___see* the blinking lights!
(1) Thou shalt not worship other computer systems.
(2) Thou shalt not impersonate Liberace or eat watermelon while
sitting at the console keyboard.
(3) Thou shalt not slap users on the face, nor staple their silly
little card decks together.
(4) Thou shalt not get physically involved with the computer system,
especially if you're already married.
(5) Thou shalt not use magnetic tapes as frisbees, nor use a disk
pack as a stool to reach another disk pack.
(6) Thou shalt not stare at the blinking lights for more than one
eight hour shift.
(7) Thou shalt not tell users that you accidentally destroyed their
files/backup just to see the look on their little faces.
(8) Thou shalt not enjoy cancelling a job.
(9) Thou shalt not display firearms in the computer room.
(10) Thou shalt not push buttons "just to see what happens".
|When he got in trouble in the ring, [Ali] imagined a door swung open and|
inside he could see neon, orange, and green lights blinking, and bats
blowing trumpets and alligators blowing trombones, and he could hear snakes
screaming. Weird masks and actors' clothes hung on the wall, and if he
stepped across the sill and reached for them, he knew that he was committing
himself to destruction.
-- George Plimpton