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Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) by Linux fortune

Absent, adj.:
        Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
Alone, adj.:
        In bad company.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Ambidextrous, adj.:
        Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
aquadextrous, adj.:
        Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off
        with your toes.
                -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Bagbiter:
        1. n.; Equipment or program that fails, usually intermittently.  2.
adj.: Failing hardware or software.  "This bagbiting system won't let me get
out of spacewar." Usage: verges on obscenity.  Grammatically separable; one
may speak of "biting the bag".  Synonyms: LOSER, LOSING, CRETINOUS,
BLETCHEROUS, BARFUCIOUS, CHOMPER, CHOMPING.
Binary, adj.:
        Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
Bipolar, adj.:
        Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska, and Buffalo, New York.
brain-damaged, generalization of "Honeywell Brain Damage" (HBD), a
theoretical disease invented to explain certain utter cretinisms in
Multics, adj:
        Obviously wrong; cretinous; demented.  There is an implication
        that the person responsible must have suffered brain damage,
        because he/she should have known better.  Calling something
        brain-damaged is bad; it also implies it is unusable.
Canonical, adj.:
        The usual or standard state or manner of something.  A true story:
One Bob Sjoberg, new at the MIT AI Lab, expressed some annoyance at the use
of jargon.  Over his loud objections, we made a point of using jargon as
much as possible in his presence, and eventually it began to sink in.
Finally, in one conversation, he used the word "canonical" in jargon-like
fashion without thinking.
        Steele: "Aha!  We've finally got you talking jargon too!"
        Stallman: "What did he say?"
        Steele: "He just used `canonical' in the canonical way."
Cold, adj.:
        When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own pockets.
Distinctive, adj.:
        A different color or shape than our competitors.
Famous, adj.:
        Conspicuously miserable.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
hard, adj.:
        The quality of your own data; also how it is to believe those
        of other people.
heavy, adj.:
        Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
Honorable, adj.:
        Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach.  In legislative
        bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as,
        "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Impartial, adj.:
        Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
        espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
        conflicting opinions.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
intoxicated, adj.:
        When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.
italic, adj:
        Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases.  Unique to
        Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases
        are often slanted to the left.
Machine-Independent, adj.:
        Does not run on any existing machine.
Mad, adj.:
        Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence ...
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Magnocartic, adj.:
        Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
                -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
manic-depressive, adj.:
        Easy glum, easy glow.
mittsquinter, adj.:
        A ballplayer who looks into his glove after missing the ball, as
        if, somehow, the cause of the error lies there.
                -- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
modem, adj.:
        Up-to-date, new-fangled, as in "Thoroughly Modem Millie."  An
        unfortunate byproduct of kerning.

        [That's sic!]
new, adj.:
        Different color from previous model.
omnibiblious, adj.:
        Indifferent to type of drink.  Ex: "Oh, you can get me anything.
        I'm omnibiblious."
On-line, adj.:
        The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
Portable, adj.:
        Survives system reboot.
Positive, adj.:
        Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Real Time, adj.:
        Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
Reputation, adj.:
        What others are not thinking about you.
revolutionary, adj.:
        Repackaged.
Robustness, adj.:
        Never having to say you're sorry.
rugged, adj.:
        Too heavy to lift.
system-independent, adj.:
        Works equally poorly on all systems.
transparent, adj.:
        Being or pertaining to an existing, nontangible object.
        "It's there, but you can't see it"
                -- IBM System/360 announcement, 1964.

virtual, adj.:
        Being or pertaining to a tangible, nonexistent object.
        "I can see it, but it's not there."
                -- Lady Macbeth.
Truthful, adj.:
        Dumb and illiterate.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Vanilla, adj.:
        Ordinary flavor, standard.  See FLAVOR.  When used of food,
        very often does not mean that the food is flavored with vanilla
        extract!  For example, "vanilla-flavored won ton soup" (or simply
        "vanilla won ton soup") means ordinary won ton soup, as opposed to hot
        and sour won ton soup.
well-adjusted, adj.:
        The ability to play bridge or golf as if they were games.
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
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