|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)||by Linux fortune|
|Jargon Coiner (#12)|
An irregular feature that aims to give you advance warning of new jargon
that we've just made up.
* IPO (I've Patented the Obvious): Acquiring patents on trivial things and
then hitting other companies over the head with them.
Example: "Amazon just IPO'd one-click spam and is now ready to sue B&N."
* IPO (I'm Pissed Off): Exclamation given by a Linux user who was unable
to participate in a highly lucrative Linux IPO due to lack of capital or
E*Trade problems. Also uttered by Linux hackers who did not receive The
Letter from Red Hat or VA Linux even though their friends did.
* YAKBA (Yet Another Killer Backhoe Attack): The acronym that describes
network outtages caused by a careless backhoe operator.
Examples: "Don't blame us, our website was offline after we suffered a
YAKBA". "Don't worry about Y2K, what we need to think about is
|New Linux Companies Hope To Get Rich Quick (#4)|
The buzz surrounding Linux and Open Source during 1999 has produced a
large number of billionnaires. However, people who weren't employed by Red
Hat or VA Linux, or who didn't receive The Letter, are still poor. The
visionaries at The IPO Factory want to change all that.
As the name suggests, this company helps other businesses get off the
ground, secure investments from Venture Capitalists, and eventually hold
an IPO that exits the stratosphere. "You can think of us as meta-VCs," the
IPO Factory's founder said. "You provide the idea... and we do the rest.
If your company doesn't hold a successful IPO, you get your money back,
guaranteed!" He added quickly, "Of course, if you do undergo a billion
dollar IPO, we get to keep 25% of your stock."
The company's first customer, LinuxOne, has been a failure. "From now on
we're only going to service clients that actually have a viable product,"
an IPO Factory salesperson admitted. "Oh, and we've learned our lesson:
it's not a good idea to cut-and-paste large sections from Red Hat's S-1
|Excerpts From The First Annual Nerd Bowl (#4)|
BRYANT DUMBELL: Welcome back. After Round 1, the Mad Hatters are ahead 15
to 12. Round 2, the Caffeine Craziness event, is now underway.
JOHN SPLADDEN: This is my favorite part of the Nerdbowl. Each player tries
to consume as many gallons of caffeinated beverages within one minute, and
then points are awarded based on the redness of their eyes.
DUMBELL: I like this event too... I must admit, it's much better than the
"Crash It" event that was played in the Zeroth Annual Nerdbowl last year.
Players were each seated in front of a PC running Windows 98... points
were awarded based on how fast the player could cause a Blue Screen.
SPLADDEN: Ah, yes, I remember that. Everybody complained that the event
was too easy. "Where the hell is the challenge?" yelled Chris DiBona while
doing a victory dance after the VA Linux Rich Penguins beat the SuSE Cats
In The Hats last year 121-96.
|Dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they|
come at you rapidly.
-- Greg Oetjen of Lorton, VA in the Washington Post
"Style Invitational Report from Week 278" published
August 2, 1998
|Dallas Cowboys Official Schedule|
Sept 14 Pasadena Junior High
Sept 21 Boy Scout Troop 049
Sept 28 Blind Academy
Sept 30 World War I Veterans
Oct 5 Brownie Scout Troop 041
Oct 12 Sugarcreek High Cheerleaders
Oct 26 St. Thomas Boys Choir
Nov 2 Texas City Vet Clinic
Nov 9 Korean War Amputees
Nov 15 VA Hospital Polio Patients