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Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) by Linux fortune

Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
                -- Ogden Nash, "Reflections on Ice-Breaking"

Fortune updates the great quotes: #53.
        Candy is dandy; but liquor is quicker,
        and sex won't rot your teeth.
I sent a message to another time,
But as the days unwind -- this I just can't believe,
I sent a message to another plane,
Maybe it's all a game -- but this I just can't conceive.
...
I met someone who looks at lot like you,
She does the things you do, but she is an IBM.
She's only programmed to be very nice,
But she's as cold as ice, whenever I get too near,
She tells me that she likes me very much,
But when I try to touch, she makes it all too clear.
...
I realize that it must seem so strange,
That time has rearranged, but time has the final word,
She knows I think of you, she reads my mind,
She tries to be unkind, she knows nothing of our world.
                -- ELO, "Yours Truly, 2095"
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction, ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
                -- Robert Frost, "Fire and Ice"
I worked in a health food store once.  A guy came in and asked me,
"If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"
                -- Steven Wright
Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again.
God -- I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
                -- Woody Allen, "Hannah and Her Sisters"
In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
In Lowes Crossroads, Delaware, it is a violation of local law for any
pilot or passenger to carry an ice cream cone in their pocket while
either flying or waiting to board a plane.
* dark greets liw with a small yellow frog.
* liw kisses the frog and watches it transform to a beautiful nerd
  girl, takes her out to ice cream, and lives happily forever after
  with her
<dark> liw: Umm it's too late to have the frog back?
* Dry-ice can't code his way out of a paper bag
<Coderjoe> dry-ice: int main() { ExitPaperBag(); return 0; }
<Knghtbrd> Is that how that's done then?  *takes notes*
I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex!
I always wake up at the crack of ice.
                -- Joe E. Lewis
If you are going to walk on thin ice, you may as well dance.
There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break
about even for all of us.  I have observed, for example, that we all get
about the same amount of ice.  The rich get it in the summer and the poor
get it in the winter.
                -- Bat Masterson
A new koan:
        If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
        If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
QOTD:
        "I used to jog, but the ice kept bouncing out of my glass."
Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine:
        Ice Cream cures all ills.  Temporarily.
The real man's Bloody Mary:
        Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tobasco, Worcestershire
        sauce, A-1 steak sauce, ice, salt, pepper, celery.

        Fill a large tumbler with vodka.
        Throw all the other ingredients away.
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra, which suddenly flips
over, pinning you underneath.  At night the ice weasels come.
                -- Matt Groening, "Love is Hell"
The ancient masters were subtle, mysterious, profound, responsive.
The depth of their knowledge is unfathomable.
Because it is unfathomable,
All we can do is describe their appearance.
Watchful, like men crossing a winter stream.
Alert, like men aware of danger.
Courteous, like visiting guests.
Yielding like ice about to melt.
Simple, like uncarved blocks of wood.
Hollow, like caves.
Opaque, like muddy pools.

Who can wait quietly while the mud settles?
Who can remain still until the moment of action?
Observers of the Tao do not seek fulfillment.
Not seeking fulfillment, they are not swayed by desire for change.
        "How did you spend the weekend?" asked the pretty brunette secretary
of her blonde companion.
        "Fishing through the ice," she replied.
        "Fishing through the ice?   Whatever for?"
        "Olives."
        To lose weight, eat less; to gain weight, eat more; if you merely
wish to maintain, do whatever you were doing.
        The Bronx diet is a legitimate system of food therapy showing that
food SHOULD be used a crutch and which food could be the most effective in
promoting spiritual and emotional satisfaction.  For the first time, an
eater could instantly grasp the connection between relieving depression and
Mallomars, and understand why a lover's quarrel isn't so bad if there's a
pint of ice cream nearby.
                -- Richard Smith, "The Bronx Diet"
Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine, you won't
get any ice.  If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get ice, but no cup.
1/2 oz. gin
1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. rum (preferably dark)
3/4 oz. tequilla
1/2 oz. triple sec
1/2 oz. orange juice
3/4 oz. sour mix
1/2 oz. cola
shake with ice and strain into frosted glass.
                Long Island Iced Tea
Your Pentium has a heating problem - try cooling it with ice cold water.(Do not turn of your computer, you do not want to cool down the Pentium Chip while he isn't working, do you?)
ZAPHOD        Hey, this rock...
FORD        Marble...
ZAPHOD        Marble...
FORD        Ice-covered marble...
ZAPHOD        Right... it's as slippery as... as... What's the
slipperiest
        thing you can think of?
FORD        At the moment? This marble.
ZAPHOD        Right. This marble is as slippery as this marble.

- Zaphod and Ford trying to get a grip on things in
Brontitall, Fit the Tenth.
"Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again.  
God -- I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again."
-- Woody Allen's character in "Hannah and Her Sisters"
"In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he
received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has
not spoken with Roberts for several years.  Off the record, God has stated that
"If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago."
-- Dennis Miller, SNL News
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips
over, pinning you underneath.  At night, the ice weasels come."
--Matt Groening
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
©TU Chemnitz, 2006-2020
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