Dictionary De - En
De - Es
De - Pt| Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English) | by Linux fortune |
| FORTUNE'S FUN FACTS TO KNOW AND TELL: #37 Can you name the seven seas? Antartic, Artic, North Atlantic, South Atlantic, Indian, North Pacific, South Pacific. Can you name the seven dwarfs from Snow White? Doc, Dopey, Sneezy, Happy, Grumpy, Sleepy and Bashful. | |
| In Hollywood, all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems. -- Shelley Winters | |
| Naked children have never played in _o_u_r fountains, and I.M. Pei will never be happy on Route 66. -- "Learning from Las Vegas", Robert Venturi, Denise Scott Brown, and Steven Izenour | |
| SANTA IS BRINGING GOOD WISHES FROM ALL THE MICRO ARTISTS GANG! MAY 1988 BE A HAPPY YEAR! \__\_ :. ___/ ..\ /-- :.______ : .:* : . _ .: :.. . : . . : ()_ .: (( \. :./(__ :._O_)________:______,____:____/ *\_o ====(( \: (****) (***) :. ...: .. . ()_______/\\ __-' \____(( \ ()oo()_/ /.: : ..________/_____ll -/.: .. ( (( \(())))__/ . .. \\.: ..( ) ll ( l_.: ( / (( \__*__)___:___ : : )) .) /--------\ \ \ ( / ((_____________) .. // . / / /..:: . )_)_\ (____/_____________________\__// : /_/_/ :.. :/_/ \_\ /_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/ /_/_/ | |
| Once upon a time there was a DOS user who saw Unix, and saw that it was good. After typing cp on his DOS machine at home, he downloaded GNU's unix tools ported to DOS and installed them. He rm'd, cp'd, and mv'd happily for many days, and upon finding elvis, he vi'd and was happy. After a long day at work (on a Unix box) he came home, started editing a file, and couldn't figure out why he couldn't suspend vi (w/ ctrl-z) to do a compile. (By ewt@tipper.oit.unc.edu (Erik Troan) | |
| If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it. -- Ernest Hemingway | |
| A disciple of another sect once came to Drescher as he was eating his morning meal. "I would like to give you this personality test", said the outsider, "because I want you to be happy." Drescher took the paper that was offered him and put it into the toaster -- "I wish the toaster to be happy too". | |
| All programmers are optimists. Perhaps this modern sorcery especially attracts those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers. Perhaps the hundreds of nitty frustrations drive away all but those who habitually focus on the end goal. Perhaps it is merely that computers are young, programmers are younger, and the young are always optimists. But however the selection process works, the result is indisputable: "This time it will surely run," or "I just found the last bug." -- Frederick Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month" | |
| There was once a programmer who worked upon microprocessors. "Look at how well off I am here," he said to a mainframe programmer who came to visit, "I have my own operating system and file storage device. I do not have to share my resources with anyone. The software is self-consistent and easy-to-use. Why do you not quit your present job and join me here?" The mainframe programmer then began to describe his system to his friend, saying: "The mainframe sits like an ancient sage meditating in the midst of the data center. Its disk drives lie end-to-end like a great ocean of machinery. The software is a multi-faceted as a diamond and as convoluted as a primeval jungle. The programs, each unique, move through the system like a swift-flowing river. That is why I am happy where I am." The microcomputer programmer, upon hearing this, fell silent. But the two programmers remained friends until the end of their days. -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming" | |
| Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only specification is that it should run noiselessly. | |
| If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish. -- Chinese Proverb | |
| Zhizn' prozhit'--ne pole pereiti. [Life's a bitch.] [Well, okay. lit., to live through life is not as simple as crossing a field. Happy now?] -- Russian proverb | |
| Anyone who knows history, particularly the history of Europe, will, I think, recognize that the domination of education or of government by any one particular religious faith is never a happy arrangement for the people. - Eleanor Roosevelt | |
| "There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again." -- Clint Eastwood | |
| "All the people are so happy now, their heads are caving in. I'm glad they are a snowman with protective rubber skin" -- They Might Be Giants | |
| "An Academic speculated whether a bather is beautiful if there is none in the forest to admire her. He hid in the bushes to find out, which vitiated his premise but made him happy. Moral: Empiricism is more fun than speculation." -- Sam Weber | |
| "Well I don't see why I have to make one man miserable when I can make so many men happy." -- Ellyn Mustard, about marriage | |
| We'll be more than happy to do so once Jim shows the slightest sign of interest in fixing his proposal to deal with the technical arguments that have *already* been made. Most engineers have learned there is little to be gained in fine-tuning the valve timing on a gasoline-powered internal combustion engine when the pistons and crankshaft are missing... -- Valdis.Kletnieks@vt.edu on NANOG | |
| I place economy among the first and most important virtues, and public debt as the greatest of dangers to be feared. To preserve our independence, we must not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt. If we run into such debts, we must be taxed in our meat and drink, in our necessities and in our comforts, in our labor and in our amusements. If we can prevent the government from wasting the labor of the people, under the pretense of caring for them, they will be happy. -- Thomas Jefferson | |
| The fashionable drawing rooms of London have always been happy to accept outsiders -- if only on their own, albeit undemanding terms. That is to say, artists, so long as they are not too talented, men of humble birth, so long as they have since amassed several million pounds, and socialists so long as they are Tories. -- Christopher Booker | |
| hacker, n.: Originally, any person with a knack for coercing stubborn inanimate things; hence, a person with a happy knack, later contracted by the mythical philosopher Frisbee Frobenius to the common usage, 'hack'. In olden times, upon completion of some particularly atrocious body of coding that happened to work well, culpable programmers would gather in a small circle around a first edition of Knuth's Best Volume I by candlelight, and proceed to get very drunk while sporadically rending the following ditty: Hacker's Fight Song He's a Hack! He's a Hack! He's a guy with the happy knack! Never bungles, never shirks, Always gets his stuff to work! All take a drink (important!) | |
| Happy feast of the pig! | |
| Woody: What's the story, Mr. Peterson? Norm: The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's just cut to the happy ending. -- Cheers, Airport V Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you. Norm: I know, and if she calls, I'm not here. -- Cheers, Bar Wars II: The Woodman Strikes Back Sam: Beer, Norm? Norm: Have I gotten that predictable? Good. -- Cheers, Don't Paint Your Chickens | |
| Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one? Norm: See you later, Vera, I'll be at Cheers. -- Cheers, Norm's Last Hurrah Sam: Well, look at you. You look like the cat that swallowed the canary. Norm: And I need a beer to wash him down. -- Cheers, Norm's Last Hurrah Woody: Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson? Norm: No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass. -- Cheers, Little Carla, Happy at Last, Part 2 | |
| FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #13 A: Doc, Happy, Bashful, Dopey, Sneezy, Sleepy, & Grumpy Q: Who were the Democratic presidential candidates? | |
| If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people? | |
| Most seminars have a happy ending. Everyone's glad when they're over. | |
| Some 1500 miles west of the Big Apple we find the Minneapple, a haven of tranquility in troubled times. It's a good town, a civilized town. A town where they still know how to get your shirts back by Thursday. Let the Big Apple have the feats of "Broadway Joe" Namath. We have known the stolid but steady Killebrew. Listening to Cole Porter over a dry martini may well suit those unlucky enough never to have heard the Whoopee John Polka Band and never to have shared a pitcher of 3.2 Grain Belt Beer. The loss is theirs. And the Big Apple has yet to bake the bagel that can match peanut butter on lefse. Here is a town where the major urban problem is dutch elm disease and the number one crime is overtime parking. We boast more theater per capita than the Big Apple. We go to see, not to be seen. We go even when we must shovel ten inches of snow from the driveway to get there. Indeed the winters are fierce. But then comes the marvel of the Minneapple summer. People flock to the city's lakes to frolic and rejoice at the sight of so much happy humanity free from the bonds of the traditional down-filled parka. Here's to the Minneapple. And to its people. Our flair for style is balanced by a healthy respect for wind chill factors. And we always, always eat our vegetables. This is the Minneapple. | |
| To be happy one must be a) well fed, unhounded by sordid cares, at ease in Zion, b) full of a comfortable feeling of superiority to the masses of one's fellow men, and c) delicately and unceasingly amused according to one's taste. It is my contention that, if this definition be accepted, there is no country in the world wherein a man constituted as I am -- a man of my peculiar weaknesses, vanities, appetites, and aversions -- can be so happy as he can be in the United States. Going further, I lay down the doctrine that it is a sheer physical impossibility for such a man to live in the United States and not be happy. -- H.L. Mencken, "On Being An American" | |
| Visit[1] the beautiful Smoky Mountains! [1] visit, v.: Come for a week, spend too much money and pay lots of hidden taxes, then leave. We'll be happy to see your money again next year. You can save time by simply sending the money, if you're too busy. | |
| "In this replacement Earth we're building they've given me Africa to do and of course I'm doing it with all fjords again because I happen to like them, and I'm old-fashioned enough to think that they give a lovely baroque feel to a continent. And they tell me it's not equatorial enough. Equatorial!" He gave a hollow laugh. "What does it matter? Science has achieved some wonderful things, of course, but I'd far rather be happy than right any day." "And are you?" "No. That's where it all falls down, of course." "Pity," said Arthur with sympathy. "It sounded like quite a good life-style otherwise." -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" | |
| The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out. Says he, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah. "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly", say the snakes. "We're adders, and we need logs to multiply." | |
| Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. -- Ogden Nash | |
| Double Bucky, you're the one, You make my keyboard so much fun, Double Bucky, an additional bit or two, (Vo-vo-de-o) Control and meta, side by side, Augmented ASCII, 9 bits wide! Double Bucky, a half a thousand glyphs, plus a few! Oh, I sure wish that I, Had a couple of bits more! Perhaps a set of pedals to make the number of bits four. Double Double Bucky! Double Bucky left and right OR'd together, outta sight! Double Bucky, I'd like a whole word of, Double Bucky, I'm happy I heard of, Double Bucky, I'd like a whole word of you! -- to Nicholas Wirth, who suggested that an extra bit be added to terminal codes on 36-bit machines for use by screen editors. [to the tune of "Rubber Ducky"] | |
| I am not very happy acting pleased whenever prominent scientists overmagnify intellectual enlightenment | |
| Knock Knock... (who's there?) Ether! (ether who?) Ether Bunny... Yea! [chorus] Yeay! Stay on the Happy side, always on the happy side, Stay on the Happy side of life! Bum bum bum bum bum bum You will feel no pain, as we drive you insane, So Stay on the Happy Side of life! Knock Knock... (who's there?) Anna! (anna who?) An another ether bunny... [chorus] Knock Knock... (who's there?) Stilla! (stilla who?) Still another ether bunny... [chorus] Knock Knock... (who's there?) Yetta! (yetta who?) Yet another ether bunny... [chorus] Knock Knock... (who's there?) Cargo! (cargo who?) Cargo beep beep and run over ether bunny... [chorus] Knock Knock... (who's there?) Boo! (boo who?) Don't Cry! Ether bunny be back next year! [chorus] | |
| Little Fly, Thy summer's play If thought is life My thoughtless hand And strength & breath, Has brush'd away. And the want Of thought is death, Am not I A fly like thee? Then am I Or art not thou A happy fly A man like me? If I live Or if I die. For I dance And drink & sing, Till some blind hand Shall brush my wing. -- William Blake, "The Fly" | |
| "No program is perfect," They said with a shrug. "The customer's happy-- What's one little bug?" But he was determined, Then change two, then three more, The others went home. As year followed year. He dug out the flow chart And strangers would comment, Deserted, alone. "Is that guy still here?" Night passed into morning. He died at the console The room was cluttered Of hunger and thirst With core dumps, source listings. Next day he was buried "I'm close," he muttered. Face down, nine edge first. Chain smoking, cold coffee, And his wife through her tears Logic, deduction. Accepted his fate. "I've got it!" he cried, Said "He's not really gone, "Just change one instruction." He's just working late." -- The Perfect Programmer | |
| Please stand for the National Anthem: God save our Gracious Queen! Long live our Noble Queen! God save the Queen! Send her victorious, Happy and glorious, Long to reign o'er us! God save the Queen! Thank you. You may resume your seat. | |
| We're happy little Vegemites, As bright as bright can be. We all all enjoy our Vegemite For breakfast, lunch and tea. | |
| While walking down a crowded City street the other day, I heard a little urchin To a comrade turn and say, "Say, Chimmey, lemme tell youse, I'd be happy as a clam If only I was de feller dat Me mudder t'inks I am. "She t'inks I am a wonder, My friends, be yours a life of toil An' she knows her little lad Or undiluted joy, Could never mix wit' nuttin' You can learn a wholesome lesson Dat was ugly, mean or bad. From that small, untutored boy. Oh, lot o' times I sit and t'ink Don't aim to be an earthly saint How nice, 'twould be, gee whiz! With eyes fixed on a star: If a feller was de feller Just try to be the fellow that Dat his mudder t'inks he is." Your mother thinks you are. -- Will S. Adkin, "If I Only Was the Fellow" | |
| Don't Worry, Be Happy. -- Meher Baba | |
| There will be big changes for you but you will be happy. | |
| You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money. | |
| You're almost as happy as you think you are. | |
| Your love life will be happy and harmonious. | |
| I'm a lucky guy, and I'm happy to be with the Yankees. And I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary. -- Yogi Berra at a dinner in his honor | |
| You'll learn something about men and women -- the way they're supposed to be. Caring for each other, being happy with each other, being good to each other. That's what we call love. You'll like that a lot. -- Kirk, "The Apple", stardate 3715.6 | |
| "`What's been happening here?' he demanded. `Oh just the nicest things, sir, just the nicest things. can I sit on your lap please?'" "`Colin, I am going to abandon you to your fate.' `I'm so happy.'" "`It will be very, very nasty for you, and that's just too bad. Got it?' `I gurgle with pleasure.'" - Ford and Colin the robot. | |
| "It is easy to sympathize with the MIS staffs around the world, I mean who hasn't lost work due to Windows or a Microsoft application crashing?" -- Chris DiBona, happy he's been using Linux and can avoid such things, from the introduction. (Open Sources, 1999 O'Reilly and Associates) | |
| If Microsoft Owned McDonald's Source: Unknown 1. Every order would come with fries whether you asked for them or not. 2. When they introduce McPizza, the marketing makes it seem that they invented pizza. 3. "A McDonald's on every block" -- Bill Gates. 4. You'd be constantly pressured to upgrade to a more expensive burger. 5. Sometimes you'll find that the burger box is empty. For some strange reason you'll accept this and purchase another one. 6. They'd claim the burgers are the same size as at other fast food chains, but in reality it's just a larger bun hiding the small beef patty. 7. Straws wouldn't be available until after you finish your drink. 8. "Push" technology -- they have McD employees come to your door and sell you Happy Meals. 9. Your order would never be right but the cash register would work perfectly for taking your money. 10. The "Special Sauce" cannot be reverse engineered, decompiled, or placed on more than 1 Big Mac. | |
| Mastery of UNIX, like mastery of language, offers real freedom. The price of freedom is always dear, but there's no substitute. Personally, I'd rather pay for my freedom than live in a bitmapped, pop-up-happy dungeon like NT. -- Thomas Scoville, Performance Computing | |
| Please please please don't use Word, It really makes you look absurd! The Dancing Paper Clip is crappy, Use something else and be more happy! -- Protests shouted at a PR firm that issued a Linux press release obviously created with Microsoft Word. | |
| Freaks In Linux Houses Shouldn't Throw FUD By Mr. Stu Poor, technology pundit for the Arkansas "Roadkill Roundup" newspaper. [Editor's Note: He's the local equivalent of Jesse Berst]. As you all know, February 17th was the happy day that Microsoft officially released Windows 2000. I went down to the local Paperclips computer store and asked if they had any copies in stock. One of the pimply-faced Linux longhairs explained that Paperclips didn't carry Win2K because it is not intended for consumers. What FUD! I can't believe the gall of those Linux Communists to spread such FUD (Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt) about Windows 2000, which is _the_ best, most stable operating system ever produced in the history of mankind! | |
| Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so. -- John Stuart Mill | |
| Charlie Brown: Why was I put on this earth? Linus: To make others happy. Charlie Brown: Why were others put on this earth? | |
| Fortune finishes the great quotations, #2 If at first you don't succeed, think how many people you've made happy. | |
| If you're happy, you're successful. | |
| It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" | |
| Many people feel that if you won't let them make you happy, they'll make you suffer. | |
| The worst part of having success is trying to find someone who is happy for you. -- Bette Midler | |
| Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy. | |
| "Guys, if you want a large subtree in /proc - whack yourself over the head until you realize that you want an fs of your own. I'll be more than happy to help with both parts." - Al Viro | |
| > Not that the kernel list is the best place to bring this up, but NVIDIA > would NOT be on that list. They are by far one of the best companies out > there providing support for their cards. I bought my GF2 for exactly that > reason too.... Sure. I spent much happy time telling people to report bugs to nvidia because their closed drivers mean that only nvidia can debug all the crashes people see with them loaded - at least some of which dont occur without the modules - Alan Cox on linux-kernel | |
| Good weapons are instruments of fear; all creatures hate them. Therefore followers of Tao never use them. The wise man prefers the left. The man of war prefers the right. Weapons are instruments of fear; they are not a wise man's tools. He uses them only when he has no choice. Peace and quiet are dear to his heart, And victory no cause for rejoicing. If you rejoice in victory, then you delight in killing; If you delight in killing, you cannot fulfill yourself. On happy occasions precedence is given to the left, On sad occasions to the right. In the army the general stands on the left, The commander-in-chief on the right. This means that war is conducted like a funeral. When many people are being killed, They should be mourned in heartfelt sorrow. That is why a victory must be observed like a funeral. | |
| A small country has fewer people. Though there are machines that can work ten to a hundred times faster than man, they are not needed. The people take death seriously and do not travel far. Though they have boats and carriages, no one uses them. Though they have armor and weapons, no one displays them. Men return to the knotting of rope in place of writing. Their food is plain and good, their clothes fine but simple, their homes secure; They are happy in their ways. Though they live within sight of their neighbors, And crowing cocks and barking dogs are heard across the way, Yet they leave each other in peace while they grow old and die. | |
| Are you a parent? Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to say in those awkward situations? Worry no more... Are you sure you're telling the truth? Think hard. Does it make you happy to know you're sending me to an early grave? If all your friends jumped off the cliff, would you jump too? Do you feel bad? How do you think I feel? Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Don't you know any better? How could you be so stupid? If that's the worst pain you'll ever feel, you should be thankful. You can't fool me. I know what you're thinking. If you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all. | |
| Are you a parent? Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to say in those awkward situations? Worry no more... Good children always obey. Quit acting so childish. Boys don't cry. If you keep making faces, someday it'll freeze that way. Why do you have to know so much? This hurts me more than it hurts you. Why? Because I'm bigger than you. Well, you've ruined everything. Now are you happy? Oh, grow up. I'm only doing this because I love you. | |
| It's never too late to have a happy childhood. | |
| Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. -- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies" | |
| A fellow bought a new car, a Nissan, and was quite happy with his purchase. He was something of an animist, however, and felt that the car really ought to have a name. This presented a problem, as he was not sure if the name should be masculine or feminine. After considerable thought, he settled on an naming the car either Belchazar or Beaumadine, but remained in a quandry about the final choice. "Is a Nissan male or female?" he began asking his friends. Most of them looked at him pecularly, mumbled things about urgent appointments, and went on their way rather quickly. He finally broached the question to a lady he knew who held a black belt in judo. She thought for a moment and answered "Feminine." The swiftness of her response puzzled him. "You're sure of that?" he asked. "Certainly," she replied. "They wouldn't sell very well if they were masculine." "Unhhh... Well, why not?" "Because people want a car with a reputation for going when you want it to. And, if Nissan's are female, it's like they say... `Each Nissan, she go!'" [No, we WON'T explain it; go ask someone who practices an oriental martial art. (Tai Chi Chuan probably doesn't count.) Ed.] | |
| * Simunye is so happy she has her mothers gene's <Dellaran> you better give them back before she misses them! | |
| <Knghtbrd> If we're both right (I'm guessing we are) I'm Not Very Happy. * Minupla hands you the understatement of the year award. | |
| [regarding measures to prevent cheating in quake] I mean, as long as I can make my rocket launcher look like a big twinkie, I'll be happy ;) -- Qeyser <keyser@jhu.edu> | |
| The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the world is slow, gradual and stupid. Whoever could feel the course of a light ray would be very happy, for it is very swift. Thinking of oneself gives little happiness. If, however, one feels much happiness in this, it is because at bottom one is not thinking of oneself but of one's ideal. This is far, and only the swift shall reach it and are delighted. -- Nietzsche | |
| We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest. -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace) | |
| [Wisdom] is a tree of life to those laying hold of her, making happy each one holding her fast. -- Proverbs 3:18, NSV | |
| Once upon a time there was a DOS user who saw Unix, and saw that it was good. After typing cp on his DOS machine at home, he downloaded GNU's unix tools ported to DOS and installed them. He rm'd, cp'd, and mv'd happily for many days, and upon finding elvis, he vi'd and was happy. After a long day at work (on a Unix box) he came home, started editing a file, and couldn't figure out why he couldn't suspend vi (w/ ctrl-z) to do a compile. -- Erik Troan, ewt@tipper.oit.unc.edu | |
| Just to remind everyone. Today, Sept 17, is Linux's 5th birthday. So happy birthday to all on the list. Thanks go out to Linus and all the other hard-working maintainers for 5 wonderful fast paced years! -- William E. Roadcap <roadcapw@cfw.com> | |
| I've seen people with new children before, they go from ultra happy to looking like something out of a zombie film in about a week. -- Alan Cox about Linus after his 2nd daughter | |
| According to a recent and unscientific national survey, smiling is something everyone should do at least 6 times a day. In an effort to increase the national average (the US ranks third among the world's superpowers in smiling), Xerox has instructed all personnel to be happy, effervescent, and most importantly, to smile. Xerox employees agree, and even feel strongly that they can not only meet but surpass the national average... except for Tubby Ackerman. But because Tubby does such a fine job of racing around parking lots with a large butterfly net retrieving floating IC chips, Xerox decided to give him a break. If you see Tubby in a parking lot he may have a sheepish grin. This is where the expression, "Service with a slightly sheepish grin" comes from. | |
| All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. | |
| One fine day, the bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops -- a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back. Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. Well, the next day the same thing happened -- Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for bodybuilding courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said "Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?" With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass." | |
| What they said: What they meant: "I recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever." (Yes, that about sums it up.) "The amount of mathematics she knows will surprise you." (And I recommend not giving that school a dime...) "I simply can't say enough good things about him." (What a screw-up.) "I am pleased to say that this candidate is a former colleague of mine." (I can't tell you how happy I am that she left our firm.) "When this person left our employ, we were quite hopeful he would go a long way with his skills." (We hoped he'd go as far as possible.) "You won't find many people like her." (In fact, most people can't stand being around her.) "I cannot reccommend him too highly." (However, to the best of my knowledge, he has never committed a felony in my presence.) | |
| Randal can write one-liners again. Everyone is happy, and peace spreads over the whole Earth. -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org> | |
| Falling in Love When two people have been on enough dates, they generally fall in love. You can tell you're in love by the way you feel: your head becomes light, your heart leaps within you, you feel like you're walking on air, and the whole world seems like a wonderful and happy place. Unfortunately, these are also the four warning signs of colon disease, so it's always a good idea to check with your doctor. -- Dave Barry | |
| The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes. | |
| There is only one way to be happy by means of the heart -- to have none. -- Paul Bourget | |
| Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I guess ... | |
| I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!! | |
