|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)||by Linux fortune|
|Stallman's Latest Proclamation |
Richard M. Stallman doesn't want you to say "Windows" anymore. He is now
advocating that people call this OS by its real name:
Microsoft-Xerox-Apple-Windows. This proclamation comes on the heels of his
controversial stand that Linux should be called GNU/Linux. RMS explained in a
Usenet posting, "Calling Microsoft's OS 'Windows' is a grave inaccuracy. Xerox
and Apple both contributed significant ideas and innovations to this OS. Why
should Microsoft get all the credit?"
RMS also hinted that people shouldn't refer to Microsoft's web browser as IE.
"It should really be called Microsoft-Spyglass-Mosaic-Internet-Explorer. Again,
how much credit does Microsoft really deserve for this product? Much of the
base code was licensed from Spyglass."
Many industry pundits are less than thrilled about RMS' proclamation. The
editor of Windows Magazine exclaimed, "What?!?! Yeah, we'll rename our magazine
Microsoft-Xerox-Apple-Windows Magazine. That just rolls off the tongue!" A
Ziff-Davis columnist noted, "Think of all the wasted space this would cause. If
we spelled out everything like this, we'd have headlines like, 'Microsoft
Releases Service Pack 5 for Microsoft-Xerox-Apple-Windows Neutered Technology
4.0' Clearly this is unacceptable."
|Humorix Holiday Gift Idea #4|
Microsoft Destruction Kit
Price: US$29.95 (more with optional digital camera or shotgun)
Producer: The Fuzzier Image; 1-800-BILL-SUX
Mix an Internet Explorer CD-ROM, a rocket launcher, and a flamethrower. What
do you have? A whole lot of fun! The Microsoft Destruction Kit is the best
way to destroy those Microsoft CD-ROMs you no longer need now that you've
discovered Linux. You can launch the CD (and registration forms, manuals,
retail boxes, license agreements, etc.) and pepper it with bullets, all while
capturing the event with a digital camera. Or, you can use the included
miniature flamethrower to burn the evil CD to a crisp. The kit comes with a
set of IE 4.0 CDs to get you started. Tell Microsoft "where *you* want
it to go today" in style with the Microsoft Destruction Kit.
|Microsoft Mandatory Survey (#7)|
Customers who want to upgrade to Windows 98 Second Edition must now fill
out a Microsoft survey online before they can order the bugfix/upgrade.
Question 7: What new features would you like to see in Windows 2000?
A. A marquee on the taskbar that automatically scrolls the latest
headlines from MSNBC and Microsoft Press Pass
B. Content filtration software for Internet Explorer that will prevent my
children from accessing dangerous propaganda about Linux.
C. A new card game; I've spent over 10,000 hours playing Solitaire during
my free time at work and I'm starting to get bored with it
D. A screensaver depicting cream pies being thrown at Janet Reno, Joel
Klien, David Boies, Ralpha Nader, Orrin Hatch, Linus Torvalds, Richard
M. Stallman, and other conspirators out to destroy Microsoft
E. A Reinstall Wizard that helps me reinstall a fresh copy of Windows to
fix Registry corruptions and other known issues
|What If Bill Gates Was a Stand-Up Comedian? |
1. None of his jokes would be funny.
2. Subliminal message hyping Microsoft and Windows 98 would be inserted
throughout his performance.
3. The audio system (running Windows NT) would always crash right before Bill
got to a punch line. At that time one of the managers would announce,
"Please hold tight while we diagnose this intermittent issue."
4. Tickets for Bill's show would be handed out for free in an attempt to
attract customers away from Netscape's shows.
5. Industry pundits would call Bill's show "innovative" and would ask "Why
doesn't IBM have a stand-up routine? This is exactly why OS/2 is failing in
6. Bill's show would be called "ActiveHumor 98"
7. In a perfect imitation of his Windows 95 OS, Bill wouldn't be able to tell
a joke and walk around at the same time.
8. Audience members would have to sign a License Agreement in which one of the
terms is "I agree never to watch Linus Torvalds' show, 'GNU/Humorux'".
9. All audience members would receive a free CD of Internet Explorer 4.0, with
FakeJava(R) and ActiveHex(tm) technology.
10. Bill Gates would appear on Saturday Night Live, causing ratings to drop
|Q: How many Internet Explorer programmers does it take to change a|
A: None. Their light bulbs are integrated in to the fixtures and can not
|You Might be a Microsoft Employee If...|
1. When a Microsoft program crashes for the millionth time, you say "Oh,
well!" and reboot without any negative thoughts
2. The Windows 95 startup screen (the clouds) makes you feel all warm and
3. You fully understand why Windows 95's Shutdown Option has to be
accessed from the Start Menu
4. You believe Internet Explorer's security flaws were slipped in by a
crack team of Netscape programmers
5. You keep valuable papers near your fireplace. Therefore, you are
comfortable with Windows 95's "may-delete-it-at-anytime" philosophy
6. You're the Bob that Microsoft Bob was named after
7. Instead of "I'd rather be fishing," your bumper sticker says, "I'd
rather be writing buggy Microsoft code"
8. You know the technical difference between OLE 1.0 and OLE 2.0
9. You've ever completed your income taxes while waiting for Windows 95
to boot, and didn't think anything of it
10. You run Solitaire more than any other program, and therefore you
consider your computer a Dedicated Solitaire Engine (DSE)
|Well, since MS cant be sure of the username of someone downloading|
things, they are going to play it safe and have everything dowloaded
and executed by Explorer as suid root. That way, it will run on ANY
system anywhere. :)
-- George Bonser <email@example.com>
|Try to remove the color-problem by restarting your computer several times.|
-- Microsoft-Internet Explorer README.TXT
|... Where was Stac Electronics when Microsoft invented Doublespace? Where|
were Xerox and Apple when Microsoft invented the GUI? Where was Apple's
QuickTime when Microsoft invented Video for Windows? Where was Spyglass
Inc.'s Mosaic when Microsoft invented Internet Explorer? Where was Sun
when Microsoft invented Java?