|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)||by Linux fortune|
|Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new|
cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more
spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!
-- Bob & Ray
|"Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you free|
with my breakfast cereal."
- Zaphod Beeblebrox in "Hithiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
|Did you hear that Captain Crunch, Sugar Bear, Tony the Tiger, and|
Snap, Crackle and Pop were all murdered recently...
Police suspect the work of a cereal killer!
|Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you free|
with my breakfast cereal.
-- Zaphod Beeblebrox
|You know you're in trouble when...|
(1) Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind
her own business.
(2) You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
(3) You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
(4) You see a `60 Minutes' news team waiting in your office.
(5) Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
(6) Your 4-year old reveals that it's "almost impossible" to
flush a grapefruit down the toilet.
(7) You realize that you've memorized the back of the cereal box.
| A young married couple had their first child. Their original pride|
and joy slowly turned to concern however, for after a couple of years the
child had never uttered any form of speech. They hired the best speech
therapists, doctors, psychiatrists, all to no avail. The child simply refused
to speak. One morning when the child was five, while the husband was reading
the paper, and the wife was feeding the dog, the little kid looks up from
his bowl and said, "My cereal's cold."
The couple is stunned. The man, in tears, confronts his son. "Son,
after all these years, why have you waited so long to say something?".
Shrugs the kid, "Everything's been okay 'til now".
|Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.|
|"What's this? Trix? Aunt! Trix? You? You're after the prize! What|
is it?" He picked up the box and studied the back. "A glow-in-the-dark
squid! Have you got it out of there yet?" He tilted the box, angling the
little colored balls of cereal so as to see the bottom, and nearly spilling
them onto the table top. "Here it is!" He hauled out a little cream-colored,
glitter-sprinkled squid, three-inches long and made out of rubbery plastic.
-- James P. Blaylock, "The Last Coin"
|BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding.|