|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)||by Linux fortune|
|Can't act. Slightly bald. Also dances.|
-- RKO executive, reacting to Fred Astaire's screen test.
Cerf/Navasky, "The Experts Speak"
|Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST.|
|In this vale|
Of toil and sin
Your head grows bald
But not your chin.
-- Burma Shave
| A ranger was walking through the forest and encountered a hunter|
carrying a shotgun and a dead loon. "What in the world do you think you're
doing? Don't you know that the loon is on the endagered species list?"
Instead of answering, the hunter showed the ranger his game bag,
which contained twelve more loons.
"Why would you shoot loons?", the ranger asked.
"Well, my family eats them and I sell the plumage."
"What's so special about a loon? What does it taste like?"
"Oh, somewhere between an American Bald Eagle and a Trumpeter Swan."
I'm not bald -- I'm "hair challenged".
[I thought that was "differently haired". Ed.]
|The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog:|
The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship,
his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks.
Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods of
time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
|We thrive on euphemism. We call multi-megaton bombs "Peace-keepers", closet|
size apartments "efficient" and incomprehensible artworks "innovative". In
fact, "euphemism" has become a euphemism for "bald-faced lie". And now, here
are the euphemisms so colorfully employed in Personal Ads:
Excited about life's journey No concept of reality
Spiritually evolved Oversensitive
Soulful Quiet manic-depressive
Poet Boring manic-depressive
Uninhibited Lacking basic social skills
Unaffected and earthy Slob and lacking basic social skills
Irreverent Nasty and lacking basic social skills
Very human Quasimodo's best friend
Swarthy Sweaty even when cold or standing still
Aging child Self-centered adult
Youthful Over 40 and trying to deny it
Good sense of humor Watches a lot of television
|All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of|
the United States.
-- Vic Gold