|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)
||by Linux fortune
|My Bonnie looked into a gas tank,|
The height of its contents to see!
She lit a small match to assist her,
Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.
|I'd been hearing all sorts of gloom and doom predictions for Y2K, so I|
thought I'd heed some of the advice that the experts have been giving:
Fill up the car's gas tank, stock up on canned goods, fill up the bathtub
with water, and so on.
I guess I wasn't fully awake when I completed my preparations late last
night. This morning I found the kitchen shelves soaked in gasoline, water
in the car's gas tank, and my bathtub filled with baked beans.
-- Dan Pearl in a message to rec.humor.funny
|Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP in a|
cheap hotel in HONOLULU!
|Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World War II!|
| Home centers are designed for the do-it-yourselfer who's willing to|
pay higher prices for the convenience of being able to shop for lumber,
hardware, and toasters all in one location. Notice I say "shop for," as
opposed to "obtain." This is the major drawback of home centers: they are
always out of everything except artificial Christmas trees. The home center
employees have no time to reorder merchandise because they are too busy
applying little price stickers to every object -- every board, washer, nail
and screw -- in the entire store ...
Let's say a piece in your toilet tank breaks, so you remove the
broken part, take it to the home center, and ask an employee if he has a
replacement. The employee, who has never is his life even seen the inside
of a toilet tank, will peer at the broken part in very much the same way
that a member of a primitive Amazon jungle tribe would look at an electronic
calculator, and then say, "We're expecting a shipment of these sometime
around the middle of next week."
-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
|You are a taxi driver. Your cab is yellow and black, and has been in|
use for only seven years. One of its windshield wipers is broken, and
the carburetor needs adjusting. The tank holds 20 gallons, but at the
moment is only three-quarters full. How old is the taxi driver?"
|When all else fails, pour a pint of Guinness in the gas tank, advance|
the spark 20 degrees, cry "God Save the Queen!", and pull the starter knob.
-- MG "Series MGA" Workshop Manual
|waste water tank overflowed onto computer|
|Drive defensively. Buy a tank.|
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
©TU Chemnitz, 2006-2013