|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)
||by Linux fortune
|But modifying dpkg is infeasible, and we've agreed to, among other things,|
keep the needs of our users at the forefront of our minds. And from a
user's perspective, something that keeps the system tidy in the normal
case, and works *now*, is much better than idealistic fantasies like a
-- Manoj Srivastava
|<Knghtbrd> "... you will more than likely see all kinds of compiler|
warnings scrolling by on the screen. These are normal and can
be safely ignored."
<LordHavoc> Knghtbrd: is that a note attached to some M$ code?
<Knghtbrd> No, it's a note about a bunch of GNU stuff.
|Microsoft ActivePromo Campaign: "What Slogan Do You Want to See Tommorrow?"|
Microsoft's PR masterminds are planning a massive marketing campaign,
code-named "ActivePromo 2000", to promote the upcoming release of Windows
2000 (scheduled for February 2001). This marketing campaign will include a
"What Slogan Do You Want to See Tommorrow?" promotion.
Children under age 16 will have to opportunity to create their own Microsoft
slogan to replace the aging "Where Do You Want to Go Today?"(R) motto.
Microsoft will set up a special email alias where children can submit their
entries along with detailed personal and demographic information (for
verification purposes, of course). A panel of Microsoft employees will
select a winning entry, which will become the official slogan. The winner
and his/her family will receive an all-expense paid week-long vacation to
Redmond, WA ("The Vacation Capital of East Central Washington State"),
including a guided tour of the Microsoft campus and a personal ten minute
photo-opportunity with Chairman Bill.
We personally believe that "Don't Think About Going Anywhere Else Today"
would make a perfect Microsoft slogan. "Crashes Are Normal" might also be a
|One promising concept that I came up with right away was that you could|
manufacture personal air bags, then get a law passed requiring that they be
installed on congressmen to keep them from taking trips. Let's say your
congressman was trying to travel to Paris to do a fact-finding study on how
the French government handles diseases transmitted by sherbet. Just when he
got to the plane, his mandatory air bag, strapped around his waist, would
inflate -- FWWAAAAAAPPPP -- thus rendering him too large to fit through the
plane door. It could also be rigged to inflate whenever the congressman
proposed a law. ("Mr. Speaker, people ask me, why should October be
designated as Cuticle Inspection Month? And I answer that FWWAAAAAAPPPP.")
This would save millions of dollars, so I have no doubt that the public
would violently support a law requiring airbags on congressmen. The problem
is that your potential market is very small: there are only around 500
members of Congress, and some of them, such as House Speaker "Tip" O'Neil,
are already too large to fit on normal aircraft.
-- Dave Barry, "'Mister Mediocre' Restaurants"
|"On a normal ascii line, the only safe condition to detect is a 'BREAK'|
- everything else having been assigned functions by Gnu EMACS."
(By Tarl Neustaedter)
|I simply try to aid in letting the light of historical truth into that|
decaying mass of outworn thought which attaches the modern world to
medieval conceptions of Christianity, and which still lingers among us --
a most serious barrier to religion and morals, and a menace to the whole
normal evolution of society.
- Andrew D. White, author, first president of Cornell University, 1896
|The adjuration to be "normal" seems shockingly repellent to me; I see neither|
hope nor comfort in sinking to that low level. I think it is ignorance that
makes people think of abnormality only with horror and allows them to remain
undismayed at the proximity of "normal" to average and mediocre. For surely
anyone who achieves anything is, essentially, abnormal.
-- Dr. Karl Menninger, "The Human Mind", 1930
|The difference between common-sense and paranoia is that common-sense is|
thinking everyone is out to get you. That's normal -- they are. Paranoia
is thinking that they're conspiring.
-- J. Kegler
|A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally|
established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon
or three normal sized billiard balls.
-- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"
|A woman went into a hospital one day to give birth. Afterwards, the doctor|
came to her and said, "I have some... odd news for you."
"Is my baby all right?" the woman anxiously asked.
"Yes, he is," the doctor replied, "but we don't know how. Your son
(we assume) was born with no body. He only has a head."
Well, the doctor was correct. The Head was alive and well, though no
one knew how. The Head turned out to be fairly normal, ignoring his lack of
a body, and lived for some time as typical a life as could be expected under
One day, about twenty years after the fateful birth, the woman got a
phone call from another doctor. The doctor said, "I have recently perfected
an operation. Your son can live a normal life now: we can graft a body onto
The woman, practically weeping with joy, thanked the doctor and hung
up. She ran up the stairs saying, "Johnny, Johnny, I have a *wonderful*
surprise for you!"
"Oh no," cried The Head, "not another HAT!"
|Slight disorientation after prolonged system uptime is normal for new Linux|
users. Please do not adjust your browser.
-- From a Slashdot.org post
|"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of |
normal routines, for children and adults alike."
-- Willard F. Libby, "You *Can* Survive Atomic Attack"
|The Worst Prison Guards|
The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a
maximum security prison is 124. This record is held by Alcoente Prison,
near Lisbon in Portugal.
During the weeks leading up to the escape in July 1978 the prison
warders had noticed that attendances had fallen at film shows which
included "The Great Escape", and also that 220 knives and a huge quantity
of electric cable had disappeared. A guard explained, "Yes, we were
planning to look for them, but never got around to it." The warders had
not, however, noticed the gaping holes in the wall because they were
"covered with posters". Nor did they detect any of the spades, chisels,
water hoses and electric drills amassed by the inmates in large quantities.
The night before the breakout one guard had noticed that of the 36
prisoners in his block only 13 were present. He said this was "normal"
because inmates sometimes missed roll-call or hid, but usually came back
the next morning.
"We only found out about the escape at 6:30 the next morning when
one of the prisoners told us," a warder said later. [...] When they
eventually checked, the prison guards found that exactly half of the gaol's
population was missing. By way of explanation the Justice Minister, Dr.
Santos Pais, claimed that the escape was "normal" and part of the
"legitimate desire of the prisoner to regain his liberty."
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
| Cosmotronic Software Unlimited Inc. does not warrant that the|
functions contained in the program will meet your requirements or that
the operation of the program will be uninterrupted or error-free.
However, Cosmotronic Software Unlimited Inc. warrants the
diskette(s) on which the program is furnished to be of black color and
square shape under normal use for a period of ninety (90) days from the
date of purchase.
NOTE: IN NO EVENT WILL COSMOTRONIC SOFTWARE UNLIMITED OR ITS
DISTRIBUTORS AND THEIR DEALERS BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ANY DAMAGES, INCLUDING
ANY LOST PROFIT, LOST SAVINGS, LOST PATIENCE OR OTHER INCIDENTAL OR
-- Horstmann Software Design, the "ChiWriter" user manual
|From the Pro 350 Pocket Service Guide, p. 49, Step 5 of the|
instructions on removing an I/O board from the card cage, comes a new
experience in sound:
5. Turn the handle to the right 90 degrees. The pin-spreading
sound is normal for this type of connector.
|NOTE: No warranties, either express or implied, are hereby given. All|
software is supplied as is, without guarantee. The user assumes all
responsibility for damages resulting from the use of these features,
including, but not limited to, frustration, disgust, system abends, disk
head-crashes, general malfeasance, floods, fires, shark attack, nerve
gas, locust infestation, cyclones, hurricanes, tsunamis, local
electromagnetic disruptions, hydraulic brake system failure, invasion,
hashing collisions, normal wear and tear of friction surfaces, comic
radiation, inadvertent destruction of sensitive electronic components,
windstorms, the Riders of Nazgul, infuriated chickens, malfunctioning
mechanical or electrical sexual devices, premature activation of the
distant early warning system, peasant uprisings, halitosis, artillery
bombardment, explosions, cave-ins, and/or frogs falling from the sky.
|Overconfidence breeds error when we take for granted that the game will|
continue on its normal course; when we fail to provide for an unusually
powerful resource -- a check, a sacrifice, a stalemate. Afterwards the
victim may wail, `But who could have dreamt of such an idiotic-looking move?'
-- Fred Reinfeld, "The Complete Chess Course"
|Two hundred years ago today, Irma Chine of White Plains, New York, was |
performing her normal housekeeping routines. She was interrupted by
British soldiers who, rallying to the call of their supervisor, General
Hughes, sought to gain control of the voter registration lists kept in
her home. Masking her fear and thinking fast, Mrs. Chine quickly divided
a nearby apple in two and deftly stored the list in its center. Upon
entering, the British blatantly violated every conceivable convention,
and, though they went through the house virtually bit by bit, their
search was fruitless. They had to return empty handed. Word of the
incident propagated rapidly through the region. This historic event
became the first documented use of core storage for the saving of registers.
|You are confused; but this is your normal state.|
|Normal times may possibly be over forever.|
|We have only two things to worry about: That things will never get|
back to normal, and that they already have.
|/* we have tried to make this normal case as abnormal as possible */|
-- Larry Wall in cmd.c from the perl source code
|I myself have dreamed up a structure intermediate between Dyson spheres|
and planets. Build a ring 93 million miles in radius -- one Earth orbit
-- around the sun. If we have the mass of Jupiter to work with, and if
we make it a thousand miles wide, we get a thickness of about a thousand
feet for the base.
And it has advantages. The Ringworld will be much sturdier than a Dyson
sphere. We can spin it on its axis for gravity. A rotation speed of 770
m/s will give us a gravity of one Earth normal. We wouldn't even need to
roof it over. Place walls one thousand miles high at each edge, facing the
sun. Very little air will leak over the edges.
Lord knows the thing is roomy enough. With three million times the surface
area of the Earth, it will be some time before anyone complains of the
-- Larry Niven, "Ringworld"
|The University of California Statistics Department; where mean is normal,|
and deviation standard.
|On a normal ascii line, the only safe condition to detect is a 'BREAK'|
- everything else having been assigned functions by Gnu EMACS.
-- Tarl Neustaedter
|snafu = Situation Normal All F%$*ed up|
|<dark> Looks like the channel is back to normal :)|
<jim> You mean it's not scrolling faster than anyone can read? :)
-- Seen on #Debian after the release of Debian 2.0
|"The lymbic system in my brain is so electrically active, it qualifies|
as a third brain. Normal humans have two brains, left and right.
- Jeff Merkey
|> valerie kernel: mtrr: your CPUs had inconsistent variable MTRR settings|
> valerie kernel: mtrr: probably your BIOS does not setup all CPUs
It indicates your bios authors can't read standards. Thats a quite normal
state of affairs, so common that the kernel cleans up after them
- Alan Cox on linux-kernel
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
©TU Chemnitz, 2006-2013