|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)
||by Linux fortune
|I used to be such a sweet sweet thing, 'til they got a hold of me,|
I opened doors for little old ladies, I helped the blind to see,
I got no friends 'cause they read the papers, they can't be seen,
With me, and I'm feelin' real shot down,
And I'm, uh, feelin' mean,
No more, Mr. Nice Guy,
No more, Mr. Clean,
No more, Mr. Nice Guy,
They say "He's sick, he's obscene".
My dog bit me on the leg today, my cat clawed my eyes,
Ma's been thrown out of the social circle, and Dad has to hide,
I went to church, incognito, when everybody rose,
The reverend Smithy, he recognized me,
And punched me in the nose, he said,
He said "You're sick, you're obscene".
-- Alice Cooper, "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
|Just a song before I go, Going through security|
To whom it may concern, I held her for so long.
Traveling twice the speed of sound She finally looked at me in love,
It's easy to get burned. And she was gone.
When the shows were over Just a song before I go,
We had to get back home, A lesson to be learned.
And when we opened up the door Traveling twice the speed of sound
I had to be alone. It's easy to get burned.
She helped me with my suitcase,
She stands before my eyes,
Driving me to the airport
And to the friendly skies.
-- Crosby, Stills, Nash, "Just a Song Before I Go"
|"My name is Sue! How do you do?! Now you gonna die!"|
Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes,
And he went down, but to my surprise,
Come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
So I busted a chair right across his teeth,
And we crashed through the walls and into the streets,
Kickin' and a-gougin' in the mud and the blood and beer.
Now I tell you, I've fought tougher men,
But I really can't remember when:
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
But I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
And he went for his gun, but I pulled mine first,
And he sat there lookin' at me, and I saw him smile.
He said: "Son, this world is rough,
And if a man's gonna make it he's gotta be tough,
And I knew I wouldn't be there to help you along.
So I give you that name and I said goodbye,
And I knew you'd have to get tough or die,
And it's that name that's helped to make you strong!
-- Johnny Cash, "A Boy Named Sue"
|The Worst Bank Robbery|
In August 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal Bank of
Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors. They
had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone,
sheepishly left the building.
A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention of
robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them. When they demanded
5,000 pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it
was a practical joke.
Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the floor
clutching his ankle. The other two tried to make their getaway, but got
trapped in the revolving doors again.
| Brian Kernighan has an automobile which he helped design.|
Unlike most automobiles, it has neither speedometer, nor gas gauge, nor
any of the numerous idiot lights which plague the modern driver.
Rather, if the driver makes any mistake, a giant "?" lights up in the
center of the dashboard. "The experienced driver", he says, "will
usually know what's wrong."
|Writers who use a computer swear to its liberating power in tones that bear|
witness to the apocalyptic power of a new divinity. Their conviction results
from something deeper than mere gratitude for the computer's conveniences.
Every new medium of writing brings about new intensities of religious belief
and new schisms among believers. In the 16th century the printed book helped
make possible the split between Catholics and Protestants. In the 20th
century this history of tragedy and triumph is repeating itself as a farce.
Those who worship the Apple computer and those who put their faith in the IBM
PC are equally convinced that the other camp is damned or deluded. Each cult
holds in contempt the rituals and the laws of the other. Each thinks that it
is itself the one hope for salvation.
-- Edward Mendelson, "The New Republic", February 22, 1988
| The birds are singing, the flowers are budding, and it is time|
for Miss Manners to tell young lovers to stop necking in public.
It's not that Miss Manners is immune to romance. Miss Manners
has been known to squeeze a gentleman's arm while being helped over a
curb, and, in her wild youth, even to press a dainty slipper against a
foot or two under the dinner table. Miss Manners also believes that the
sight of people strolling hand in hand or arm in arm or arm in hand
dresses up a city considerably more than the more familiar sight of
people shaking umbrellas at one another. What Miss Manners objects to
is the kind of activity that frightens the horses on the street...
|The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out. Says he, "Go|
and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals.
All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah.
"Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes. Noah follows
their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again.
Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how
the trees helped?" "Certainly", say the snakes. "We're adders, and we need
logs to multiply."
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
©TU Chemnitz, 2006-2013