|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)
||by Linux fortune
|Humorix Holiday Gift Idea #3|
iTux Penguin Computer
Price: $999.95 for base model
Producer: Orange Computer, Co.; 1-800-GET-ITUX
Based on the Slashdot comments, response to the Apple iMac from the Linux
community was lukewarm at best. Orange Computer, Co., has picked up where
Apple left behind and produced the iTux computer specifically for Linux users
who want to "Think a lot different".
The self-contained iTux computer system is built in the shape of Tux the
Penguin. Its 15 inch monitor (17 inch available next year) is located at
Tux's large belly. The penguin's two feet make up the split ergonomic
keyboard (without those annoying Windows keys, of course). A 36X CD-ROM
drive fits into Tux's mouth. Tux's left eye is actually the reboot button
(can be reconfigured for other purposes since it is rarely used) and his
right eye is the power button. The iTux case opens up from the back,
allowing easy access for screwdriver-wielding nerds into Tux's guts.
The US$995.95 model contains an Alpha CPU and all the usual stuff found in a
Linux-class machine. More expensive models, to be debuted next year, will
feature dual or quad Alpha CPUs and a larger size.
|Humorix Holiday Gift Idea #8|
Bob's Map to the Homes of the Rich & Geeky
US$29.95 at BobsEcommerceSite.com
Hollywood is full of shady street-side vendors selling "maps to the homes of
the rich and famous" that are actually photocopies of photocopies of
photocopies of an old 1984 Rand McNally map.
But what about the Bay Area? Wouldn't you like to visit the homes and
driveways of the rich and geeky in Silicon Valley? Wouldn't you like to see
Linus Torvalds' residence? Wouldn't you like to drive by the home of
permanent-interim-CEO Steve Jobs? Wouldn't you like to spit on the driveway of
Well, now you can. Bob's Map to the Homes of the Rich & Geeky is a full-color
128 page atlas filled with detailed instructions for finding the homes of
1,024 of the world's most famous geeks. From San Jose, to Seattle, to Austin,
to Boston, Bob's Map is your passport to gawk at the homes of the rich and
|Attack of the Tuxissa Virus|
What started out as a prank posting to comp.os.linux.advocacy yesterday has
turned into one of the most significant viruses in computing history.
The creator of the virus, who goes by the moniker "Anonymous Longhair",
modified the Melissa virus to install Linux on infected machines.
"It's a work of art," one Linux advocate told Humorix after he looked
through the Tuxissa virus source code. "This virus goes well beyond the
feeble troublemaking of Melissa. It actually configures a UMSDOS partition
on the user's hard drive and then downloads and installs a stripped-down
version of Slackware Linux."
The email message that the virus is attached to has the subject "Important
Message About Windows Security". The text of the body says, "I want to let
you know about some security problems I've uncovered in Windows 95/98/NT,
Office 95/97, and Outlook. It's critically important that you protect your
system against these attacks. Visit these sites for more information..."
The rest of the message contains 42 links to sites about Linux and free
Details on how the virus started are a bit sketchy. The "Anonymous
Longhair" who created it only posted it to Usenet as an early April Fool's
gag, demonstrating how easy it would be to mount a "Linux revolution".
|Microsoft Mandatory Survey (#4)|
Customers who want to upgrade to Windows 98 Second Edition must now fill
out a Microsoft survey online before they can order the bugfix/upgrade.
Question 4: What is your favorite Microsoft Office feature?
A. Dancing Paper Clip
B. Takes up enough hard drive space to prevent my children from installing
violent video games or downloading pornography
C. Everyone else has it, so I can easily exchange documents with others
D. I have so many favorites, I can't choose just one!
|What I'd like to see is a prohibition on Microsoft incorporating|
multi-megabyte Easter Eggs and other stupid bloatware into Windows and
Office. A typical computer with pre-installed Microsoft shoveware probably
only has about 3 megabytes of hard drive space free because of flight
simulators, pinball games, and multimedia credits Easter Eggs that nobody
wants. I predict that if Microsoft is ever forced to remove these things,
the typical user will actually be able to purchase competing software now
that they have some free space to put it on. Of course, stock in hard
drive companies might plummet...
-- Anonymous Coward, when asked by Humorix for his reaction
to the proposed Microsoft two-way split
|Security Holes Found In Microsoft Easter Eggs |
REDMOND, WA -- It's damage control time for the Microsoft Marketing
Machine. Not only have exploits been found in IE, Outlook, and even the
Dancing Paper Clip, but now holes have been uncovered in Excel's Flight
Simulator and Word's pinball game.
"If you enter Excel 97's flight simulator and then hit the F1, X, and
SysRq keys while reading a file from Drive A:, you automatically gain
Administrator rights on Windows NT," explained the security expert who
first discovered the problem. "And that's just the tip of the iceberg."
Office 97 and 2000 both contain two hidden DLLs, billrulez.dll and
eastereggs.dll, that are marked as "Safe for scripting" but are not.
Arbitrary Visual BASIC code can be executed using these files. More
disturbing, however, are the undocumented API calls
"ChangeAllPasswordsToDefault", "OpenBackDoor", "InitiateBlueScreenNow",
and "UploadRegistryToMicrosoft" within easter~1.dll.
Microsoft spokesdroids have already hailed the problem as "an
insignificant byproduct of Microsoft innovation."
|Brief History Of Linux (#17)|
If only Gary had been sober
When Micro-soft moved to Seattle in 1979, most of its revenue came from
sales of BASIC, a horrible language so dependant on GOTOs that spaghetti
looked more orderly than its code did. (BASIC has ruined more promising
programmers than anything else, prompting its original inventor Dartmouth
University to issue a public apology in 1986.)
However, by 1981 BASIC hit the backburner to what is now considered the
luckiest break in the history of computing: MS-DOS. (We use the term
"break" because MS-DOS was and always will be broken.) IBM was developing
a 16-bit "personal computer" and desperately needed an OS to drive it.
Their first choice was Gary Kildall's CP/M, but IBM never struck a deal
with him. We've discovered the true reason: Kildall was drunk at the time
the IBM representatives went to talk with him. A sober man would not have
insulted the reps, calling their employer an "Incredibly Bad Monopoly" and
referring to their new IBM-PC as an "Idealistically Backwards
Microcomputer for People without Clues". Needless to say, Gary "I Lost The
Deal Of The Century" Kildall was not sober.
|Brief History Of Linux (#23)|
Linus Torvalds certainly wasn't the only person to create their own
operating system from scratch. Other people working from their leaky
basements did create their own systems and now they are sick that they
didn't become an Alpha Geek like Torvalds or a Beta Geek like Alan Cox.
Linus had one advantage not many else did: Internet access. The world was
full of half-implemented-Unix-kernels at the time, but they were sitting
isolated on some hacker's hard drive, destined to be destroyed by a hard
drive crash. Thankfully that never happened to Linux, mostly because
everyone with Net access could download a copy instead of paying shipping
charges to receive the code on a huge stack of unreliable floppy disks.
Indeed, buried deep within a landfill in Lansing, Michigan sits a stack of
still-readable 5-1/4 floppies containing the only known copy of "Windows
Killer", a fully functional Unix kernel so elegant, so efficient, so
easy-to-use that Ken Thompson himself would be jealous of its design.
Unfortunately the author's mother threw out the stack of floppies in a
bout of spring cleaning. The 14 year old author's talents were lost
forever as his parents sent him to Law School.
|Linux Distro To Include Pre-Installed Security Holes |
Proactive Synergy Paradigm, the Linux distro targeted at Pointy Haired
Bosses, will now include built-in security flaws to better compete with
"The sheer popularity of Windows, Outlook, and IIS clearly shows that
people demand security holes large enough to drive a truck through," said
Mr. Bert Dill of P.S.P. Inc. "We're going to do our best to offer what the
consumer wants. Just as Microsoft stole ideas from Apple during the
1980's, we're stealing ideas from Microsoft today."
Future releases of Proactive Synergy Linux will feature "LookOut! 1.0", a
mail reader that automatically executes (with root privileges) e-mail
"Hey, if it works for Microsoft, it can work for us," boasted Mr. Dill.
"Now PHBs won't have to stick with Windows in order to have their
confidential files secretly emailed to their colleagues by a worm. Better
yet, this capability allows viruses to automagically delete unnecessary
files to save disk space without wasting the PHB's valuable time.
|8GB Ought To Be Enough For Anybody |
REDMOND, WA -- In a shocking move, Microsoft has revealed that the new
Xbox console will only contain an 8 gigabyte hard drive. This implies that
the machines will use a version of the Windows operating system that fits
within only 8GB. Squeezing Windows into such a small footprint must
certainly be one of the greatest technological achievements ever crafted
by Microsoft's Research & Assimilation Department.
"I can't believe it," said one industry observer who always happens to
show up when this Humorix reporter needs to quote somebody. "To think that
they were able to strip away the easter egg flight simulators, the
multi-gigabyte yet content-free Help files, and all of the other crap that
comes bundled with Windows is simply remarkable. I don't even want to
think about all of the manpower, blood, sweat, and tears required to
distill Windows into only 8 gigabytes of bare essentials. Wow!"
Hard drive manufacturers are deeply disturbed over the news. Explained one
PR flack at Eastern Analog, "We depend on Microsoft to continually produce
bloated software that becomes larger and larger with each passing day. We
can't sell huge 100GB drives if Microsoft Windows only occupies a measly 8
gigs! They will never buy a new drive if Microsoft doesn't force them!"
|Double your drive space: Delete Windows!|
|Windows NT - Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.|
|Please insert the floppy disk labeled Windows NT Installation CD-ROM into Drive|
|We are very nervous about the release of Windows 2000. This OS takes up|
gigabytes of hard drive space. When users 'upgrade' to Win2K, they won't have
any space on their hard drive for our products! We really hate Chairman Bill.
-- An anonymous spokesperson for Corel
|Windows NT -- it'll drive you buggy! |
-- Gareth Barnard
|Running Windows on a Pentium is like having a brand new Porsche but only|
be able to drive backwards with the handbrake on.
| DELETE A FORTUNE!|
Don't some of these fortunes just drive you nuts?!
Wouldn't you like to see some of them deleted from the system?
You can! Just mail to `fortune' with the fortune you hate most,
and we'll make sure it gets expunged.
|Chihuahuas drive me crazy. I can't stand anything that shivers when it's warm.|
|If you are a police dog, where's your badge?|
-- Question James Thurber used to drive his German Shepherd
_ / \ o
/ \ | | o o o
| | | | _ o o o o
| \_| | / \ o o o
\__ | | | o o
| | | | ______ ~~~~ _____
| |__/ | / ___--\\ ~~~ __/_____\__
| ___/ / \--\\ \\ \ ___ <__ x x __\
| | / /\\ \\ )) \ ( " )
| | -------(---->>(@)--(@)-------\----------< >-----------
| | // | | //__________ / \ ____) (___ \\
| | // __|_| ( --------- ) //// ______ /////\ \\
// | ( \ ______ / <<<< <>-----<<<<< / \\
// ( ) / / \` \__ \\
Every now and then, when your life gets complicated and the weasels start
closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then
drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at
top volume and at least a pint of ether.
-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"
|Except for Great Britain. According to ISO 9166 and Internet reality|
Great Britain's toplevel domain should be _gb_. Instead, Great Britain
and Nortern Ireland (the United Kingdom) use the toplevel domain _uk_.
They drive on the wrong side of the road, too.
-- PERL book (or DNS and BIND book)
|Only wimps use tape backup: _real_ men just upload their important stuff |
on ftp, and let the rest of the world mirror it ;)
-- Linus Torvalds, about his failing hard drive on linux.cs.helsinki.fi
|1648 files (84%) out of the files that I mirror disappeared. Since|
my delete threshold was set at 90%, all those files are now missing
from my hard drive. It's going to take a loooong time to fetch those
again via 14.4kbps!
-- Brian C. White
|As I currently don't have a floppy drive in my computer, I'd like to|
make an `emergency cdrom' ;)
-- Eugene Crosser <firstname.lastname@example.org>
|Despite the best efforts of a quantum bigfoot drive (yes I know everyone|
told me they suck, now I know they were right) 2.1.109ac1 is now available
-- Alan Cox announcing Linux 2.1.109ac1
|I've built a better model than the one at Data General|
For data bases vegetable, animal, and mineral
My OS handles CPUs with multiplexed duality;
My PL/1 compiler shows impressive functionality.
My storage system's better than magnetic core polarity,
You never have to bother checking out a bit for parity;
There isn't any reason to install non-static floor matting;
My disk drive has capacity for variable formatting.
I feel compelled to mention what I know to be a gloating point:
There's lots of room in memory for variables floating-point,
Which shows for input vegetable, animal, and mineral
I've built a better model than the one at Data General.
-- Steve Levine, "A Computer Song" (To the tune of
"Modern Major General", from "Pirates of Penzance",
by Gilbert & Sullivan)
|If I don't drive around the park,|
I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
If I'm in bed each night by ten,
I may get back my looks again.
If I abstain from fun and such,
I'll probably amount to much;
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.
-- Dorothy Parker
|Knock Knock... (who's there?) Ether! (ether who?) Ether Bunny... Yea!|
Stay on the Happy side, always on the happy side,
Stay on the Happy side of life!
Bum bum bum bum bum bum
You will feel no pain, as we drive you insane,
So Stay on the Happy Side of life!
Knock Knock... (who's there?) Anna! (anna who?)
An another ether bunny... [chorus]
Knock Knock... (who's there?) Stilla! (stilla who?)
Still another ether bunny... [chorus]
Knock Knock... (who's there?) Yetta! (yetta who?)
Yet another ether bunny... [chorus]
Knock Knock... (who's there?) Cargo! (cargo who?)
Cargo beep beep and run over ether bunny... [chorus]
Knock Knock... (who's there?) Boo! (boo who?)
Don't Cry! Ether bunny be back next year! [chorus]
|Nine-track tapes and seven-track tapes|
And tapes without any tracks;
Stretchy tapes and snarley tapes
And tapes mixed up on the racks --
Take hold of the tape
And pull off the strip,
And then you'll be sure
Your tape drive will skip.
-- Uncle Colonel's Cursory Rhymes
|To write a sonnet you must ruthlessly|
strip down your words to naked, willing flesh.
Then bind them to a metaphor or three,
and take by force a satisfying mesh.
Arrange them to your will, each foot in place.
You are the master here, and they the slaves.
Now whip them to maintain a constant pace
and rhythm as they stand in even staves.
A word that strikes no pleasure? Cast it out!
What use are words that drive not to the heart?
A lazy phrase? Discard it, shrug off doubt,
and choose more docile words to take its part.
A well-trained sonnet lives to entertain,
by making love directly to the brain.
|"I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now|
when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still ..."
-- Steven Wright
|I got tired of listening to the recording on the phone at the movie|
theater. So I bought the album. I got kicked out of a theater the
other day for bringing my own food in. I argued that the concession
stand prices were outrageous. Besides, I hadn't had a barbecue in a
long time. I went to the theater and the sign said adults $5 children
$2.50. I told them I wanted 2 boys and a girl. I once took a cab to
a drive-in movie. The movie cost me $95.
-- Steven Wright
|The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than cities.|
Cities contain streets, which are dangerous and crowded and difficult to
park in. Malls, on the other hand, have parking lots, which are also
dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in, but -- here is the big
difference -- in mall parking lots, THERE ARE NO RULES. You're allowed to
do anything. You can drive as fast as you want in any direction you want.
I was once driving in a mall parking lot when my car was struck by a pickup
truck being driven backward by a squat man with a tattoo that said "Charlie"
on his forearm, who got out and explained to me, in great detail, why the
accident was my fault, his reasoning being that he was violent and muscular,
whereas I was neither. This kind of reasoning is legally valid in mall
-- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"
|I suppose some of the variation between Boston drivers and the rest of the|
country is due to the progressive Massachusetts Driver Education Manual which
I happen to have in my top desk drawer. Some of the Tips for Better Driving
are worth considering, to wit:
"When competing for a section of road or a parking space, remember
that the vehicle in need of the most body work has the right-of-way."
"Although it is altogether possible to fit a 6' car into a 6'
parking space, it is hardly ever possible to fit a 6' car into
a 5' parking space."
"Teenage drivers believe that they are immortal, and drive accordingly.
Nevertheless, you should avoid the temptation to prove them wrong."
| In Memphis, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless|
there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red
flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
|It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood|
Boulevard at one time.
| Pittsburgh driver's test|
(10) Potholes are
(a) extremely dangerous.
(c) the fault of the previous administration.
(d) all going to be fixed next summer.
The correct answer is (b). Potholes destroy unpatriotic, unamerican,
imported cars, since the holes are larger than the cars. If you drive a
big, patriotic, American car you have nothing to worry about.
|You can drive a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.|
|<toor> netgod: what do you have in your kernel??? The compiled source for|
driving a space shuttle???
<Spoo> time to make a zip drive your floppy drive then. if the kernel
doesn fit on that, the kernel is an AI
|<jgoerzen> stu: ahh that machine. Don't you think that something named|
stallman deserves to be an Alpha? :-)
<stu> jgoerzen: no, actually, I'd prolly be more inclined to name a 386
with 4 megs of ram and a 40 meg hard drive stallman.
<stu> with a big fat case that makes tons of noise and rattles the floor
* Knghtbrd falls to the floor holding his sides laughing
<stu> double-height hard drive
|=== This letter is the Honor System Virus ====|
If you are running a Macintosh, OS/2, Unix, or
Linux computer, please randomly delete
several files from your hard disk drive and
forward this message to everyone you know.
|* joeyh_ wonders if linux is supposed to lock up when you ask 100|
processes to cat the entire cd drive
|<doogie> Culus: my bug with openssh appears to be fixed in 2.5.2, but|
master runs 2.3.0
<Culus> Don't even start
<doogie> I just did.
<Culus> You guys are going to drive me to build a huge giant robot and
destroy all of texas, aren't you?
|<knghtbrd> add a GF2/3, a sizable hard drive, and a 15" flat panel and|
you've got a pretty damned portable machine.
<Coderjoe> a GeForce Two-Thirds?
<knghtbrd> Coderjoe: yes, a GeForce two-thirds, ie, any card from ATI.
|All programmers are optimists. Perhaps this modern sorcery especially attracts|
those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers. Perhaps the hundreds
of nitty frustrations drive away all but those who habitually focus on the end
goal. Perhaps it is merely that computers are young, programmers are younger,
and the young are always optimists. But however the selection process works,
the result is indisputable: "This time it will surely run," or "I just found
the last bug."
-- Frederick Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month"
|Meantime, in the slums below Ronnie's Ranch, Cynthia feels as if some one|
has made voodoo boxen of her and her favorite backplanes. On this fine
moonlit night, some horrible persona has been jabbing away at, dragging
magnets over, and surging these voodoo boxen. Fortunately, they seem to
have gotten a bit bored and fallen asleep, for it looks like Cynthia may
get to go home. However, she has made note to quickly put together a totem
of sweaty, sordid static straps, random bits of wire, flecks of once meaniful
oxide, bus grant cards, gummy worms, and some bits of old pdp backplane to
hang above the machine room. This totem must be blessed by the old and wise
venerable god of unibus at once, before the idolatization of vme, q and pc
bus drive him to bitter revenge. Alas, if this fails, and the voodoo boxen
aren't destroyed, there may be more than worms in the apple. Next, the
arrival of voodoo optico transmitigational magneto killer paramecium, capable
of teleporting from cable to cable, screen to screen, ear to ear and hoof
|Save energy: Drive a smaller shell.|
|Suppose for a moment that the automobile industry had developed at the same|
rate as computers and over the same period: how much cheaper and more
efficient would the current models be? If you have not already heard the
analogy, the answer is shattering. Today you would be able to buy a
Rolls-Royce for $2.75, it would do three million miles to the gallon, and
it would deliver enough power to drive the Queen Elizabeth II. And if you
were interested in miniaturization, you could place half a dozen of them on
-- Christopher Evans
|When the Apple IIc was introduced, the informative copy led off with a couple|
of asterisked sentences:
It weighs less than 8 pounds.*
And costs less than $1,300.**
In tiny type were these "fuller explanations":
* Don't asterisks make you suspicious as all get out? Well, all
this means is that the IIc alone weights 7.5 pounds. The power
pack, monitor, an extra disk drive, a printer and several bricks
will make the IIc weigh more. Our lawyers were concerned that you
might not be able to figure this out for yourself.
** The FTC is concerned about price fixing. You can pay more if
you really want to. Or less.
|Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.|
|Yow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie??|
|Did it ever occur to you that fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?|
Or that we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
|Remember, drive defensively! And of course, the best defense is a good offense!|
|In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth"|
Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex.
-- Frank Mankiewicz
|Grandpa Charnock's Law:|
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
[I thought it was when your kids learned to drive. Ed.]
"I drive my car quietly, for it goes without saying."
"I may not be able to walk, but I drive from the sitting position."
|... The things love can drive a man to -- the ecstasies, the|
the miseries, the broken rules, the desperate chances, the glorious
failures and the glorious victories.
-- McCoy, "Requiem for Methuselah", stardate 5843.7
|Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.|
|It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.|
-- Stirling Moss
|You can get *anywhere* in ten minutes if you drive fast enough.|
|Besides the device, the box should contain:|
* Eight little rectangular snippets of paper that say "WARNING"
* A plastic packet containing four 5/17 inch pilfer grommets and two
club-ended 6/93 inch boxcar prawns.
YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPLY: a matrix wrench and 60,000 feet of tram cable.
IF ANYTHING IS DAMAGED OR MISSING: You IMMEDIATELY should turn to your spouse
and say: "Margaret, you know why this country can't make a car that can get
all the way through the drive-through at Burger King without a major
transmission overhaul? Because nobody cares, that's why."
WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret.
-- Dave Barry, "Read This First!"
|We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away. The center|
of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week,
but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
-- Andy Rooney
|I recall hearing that highly-classified data must be destroyed by|
physically shredding the medium. Yes, throw your disk drive in the
shredder! (Just imagine the class of machinery required to digest an RA81
- Mark Wood on linux-kernel
|Don't drink when you drive -- you might hit a bump and spill it.|
|I may not be able to walk, but I drive from a sitting position.|
|When I sell liquor, it's called bootlegging; when my patrons serve|
it on silver trays on Lake Shore Drive, it's called hospitality.
-- Al Capone
|Unoptimized hard drive|
|had to use hammer to free stuck disk drive heads.|
|Hard drive sleeping. Let it wake up on it's own...|
|The data on your hard drive is out of balance.|
|Out of cards on drive D:|
|"`Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.'" |
- Arthur experiences the improbability drive at work.
|Aberdeen was so small that when the family with the car went|
on vacation, the gas station and drive-in theatre had to close.
|To a Californian, a person must prove himself criminally insane before he|
is allowed to drive a taxi in New York. For New York cabbies, honesty and
stopping at red lights are both optional.
-- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts
|I would rather say that a desire to drive fast sports cars is what sets|
man apart from the animals.
|Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.|
|The Great Movie Posters:|
*A Giggle Gurgling Gulp of Glee*
With Pretty Girls, Peppy Scenes, and Gorgeous Revues -- plus a good story.
-- Tea with a Kick (1924)
Whoopie! Let's go!... Hand-picked Beauties doing cute tricks!
GET IN THE KNOW FOR THE HEY-HEY WHOOPIE!
-- The Wild Party (1929)
YOU HEAR HIM MAKE LOVE!
DIX -- the dashing soldier!
DIX -- the bold adventurer!
DIX -- the throbbing lover!
-- The Wheel of Life (1929)
SEE CHARLES BUTTERWORTH DRIVE A STREETCAR AND SING LOVE
SONGS TO HIS MARE "MITZIE"!
-- The Night is Young (1934)
|The Great Movie Posters:|
They hungered for her treasure! And died for her pleasure!
SEE Man-Fish Battle Shark-Man-Killer!
-- The Golden Mistress (1954)
See Jane Russell in 3-D; She'll Knock Both Your Eyes Out!
-- The French Line (1954)
See Jane Russell Shake Her Tamborines... and Drive Cornel WILDE!
-- Hot Blood (1956)
|MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I|
remember we'd all get into the car -- I forget what kind it was -- and
drive and drive.
I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some bees there. The
smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we
played. I remember a bigger, older guy whom we called "Dad." We'd eat
some stuff or not and then I think we went home.
I guess some things never leave you.
-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
|I can't drive 55.|
|I can't drive 55.|
I'm looking forward to not being able to drive 65, either.
|Suppose for a moment that the automobile industry had developed at the same|
rate as computers and over the same period: how much cheaper and more efficient
would the current models be? If you have not already heard the analogy, the
answer is shattering. Today you would be able to buy a Rolls-Royce for $2.75,
it would do three million miles to the gallon, and it would deliver enough
power to drive the Queen Elizabeth II. And if you were interested in
miniaturization, you could place half a dozen of them on a pinhead.
-- Christopher Evans
|I came home the other night and tried to open the door with my car keys...and |
the building started up. So I took it out for a drive. A cop pulled me over
for speeding. He asked me where I live... "Right here".
-- Steven Wright
|"The Avis WIZARD decides if you get to drive a car. Your head won't touch the|
pillow of a Sheraton unless their computer says it's okay."
-- Arthur Miller
|Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer|
A: The car salesman can probably drive!
-- Joan McGalliard (email@example.com)
|Drive defensively. Buy a tank.|
|If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk!|
| "Richard, in being so fierce toward my vampire, you were doing|
what you wanted to do, even though you thought it was going to hurt
somebody else. He even told you he'd be hurt if..."
"He was going to suck my blood!"
"Which is what we do to anyone when we tell them we'll be hurt
if they don't live our way."
"The thing that puzzles you," he said, "is an accepted saying that
happens to be impossible. The phrase is hurt somebody else. We choose,
ourselves, to be hurt or not to be hurt, no matter what. Us who decides.
Nobody else. My vampire told you he'd be hurt if you didn't let him? That's
his decision to be hurt, that's his choice. What you do about it is your
decision, your choice: give him blood; ignore him; tie him up; drive a stake
through his heart. If he doesn't want the holly stake, he's free to resist,
in whatever way he wants. It goes on and on, choices, choices."
"When you look at it that way..."
"Listen," he said, "it's important. We are all. Free. To do.
Whatever. We want. To do."
-- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
|You know you are getting old when you think you should drive the speed limit.|
-- E.A. Gilliam
|Young men are fitter to invent than to judge; fitter for execution than for|
counsel; and fitter for new projects than for settled business. For the
experience of age, in things that fall within the compass of it, directeth
them; but in new things, abuseth them. The errors of young men are the ruin
of business; but the errors of aged men amount but to this, that more might
have been done, or sooner. Young men, in the conduct and management of
actions, embrace more than they can hold; stir more than they can quiet; fly
to the end, without consideration of the means and degrees; pursue some few
principles which they have chanced upon absurdly; care not how they innovate,
which draws unknown inconveniences; and, that which doubleth all errors, will
not acknowledge or retract them; like an unready horse, that will neither stop
nor turn. Men of age object too much, consult too long, adventure too little,
repent too soon, and seldom drive business home to the full period, but
content themselves with a mediocrity of success. Certainly, it is good to
compound employments of both ... because the virtues of either age may correct
the defects of both.
-- Francis Bacon, "Essay on Youth and Age"