|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)
||by Linux fortune
|<netgod> heh thats a lost cause, like the correct pronounciation of|
<netgod> give it up :-)
<sage> and the correct spelling of "colour" :)
<sage> and aluminium
<BenC> or nuclear weapons
<sage> are you threating me yankee ?
<sage> just cause we don't have the bomb...
<BenC> back off ya yellow belly
|<Sanaya> you guys are all sick! sick sick sick I tell ya ;)|
|<cas> well there ya go. say something stupid in irc and have it|
immortalised forever in someone's .sig file
|Jargon Coiner (#6)|
An irregular feature that aims to give you advance warning of new jargon
that we've just made up.
* STOP MIRAGE: Trying to click on an imaginary Stop button on a program's
toolbar after doing something you didn't want to. Usually caused as the
result of excessive use of Netscape.
* YA-PREFIX: Putting "another" or "yet another" in front of a name or
tacking "YA" in front of an acronym.
Example: "We could ya-prefix this fortune by titling it 'Yet Another
Lame List of Fabricated Jargon'."
* DOMAINEERING: Using a service like Netcraft to determine what operating
system and webserver a particular domain is running.
* NOT-A-SALTINE EXPLANATION: The canned response given to someone who
uses the term "hacker" instead of "cracker".
|Official National Anthem Of The Geek Paradise Of Humorixia|
(second verse, abridged)
Patents, copyrights, and trademarks,
Those evil lawyers are worse than sharks.
We can't escape their vice-like grip,
We're slaves to their class-action whip,
We all must fight this evil abomination,
Join together and strive for world domination!
Tell those bloodsucking ticks, "See ya!"
And move on over to Humor-ix-ia!
Kill all the lawyers!
Oh, kill all the lawyers!
Let's "kill -9 lawyers" now!
Let's "kill -9 lawyers" now!
...Humorixia! There is no conspiracy!
|Witch! Witch! They'll burn ya!|
-- Hag, "Tomorrow is Yesterday", stardate unknown
|"Well, well, well! Well if it isn't fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in|
poison! How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip oil? Come
and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarble, ya eunuch jelly thou!"
- Alex in "Clockwork Orange"
|"For the love of phlegm...a stupid wall of death rays. How tacky can ya get?"|
- Post Brothers comics
|"I got a question for ya. Ya got a minute?"|
-- two programmers passing in the hall
|If I could stick my pen in my heart,|
I would spill it all over the stage.
Would it satisfy ya, would it slide on by ya,
Would you think the boy was strange?
Ain't he strange?
If I could stick a knife in my heart,
Suicide right on the stage,
Would it be enough for your teenage lust,
Would it help to ease the pain?
Ease your brain?
-- Rolling Stones, "It's Only Rock'N Roll"
|Wanna tell you all a story 'bout a man named Jed,|
A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed.
But then one day he was shootin' at some food,
When up through the ground come a bubblin' crude -- oil, that is;
black gold; 'Texas tea' ...
Well the next thing ya know, old Jed's a millionaire.
The kinfolk said, 'Jed, move away from there!'
They said, 'Californy is the place ya oughta be',
So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly -- Hills, that is;
swimmin' pools; movie stars.
|What did ya do with your burden and your cross?|
Did you carry it yourself or did you cry?
You and I know that a burden and a cross,
Can only be carried on one man's back.
-- Louden Wainwright III
|I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track|
and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
Well, just last week I was at a Chinese restaurant and when I opened my
fortune cookie I found the guy's check sitting at the next table. I said,
"Hey, buddy, I got your check", he said, "Thanks."
-- Rodney Dangerfield
|It's all in the mind, ya know.|
| Approaching the gates of the monastery, Hakuin found Ken the Zen|
preaching to a group of disciples.
"Words..." Ken orated, "they are but an illusory veil obfuscating
the absolute reality of --"
"Ken!" Hakuin interrupted. "Your fly is down!"
Whereupon the Clear Light of Illumination exploded upon Ken, and he
On the way to town, Hakuin was greeted by an itinerant monk imbued
with the spirit of the morning.
"Ah," the monk sighed, a beatific smile wrinkling across his cheeks,
"Thou art That..."
"Ah," Hakuin replied, pointing excitedly, "And Thou art Fat!"
Whereupon the Clear Light of Illumination exploded upon the monk,
and he vaporized.
Next, the Governor sought the advice of Hakuin, crying: "As our
enemies bear down upon us, how shall I, with such heartless and callow
soldiers as I am heir to, hope to withstand the impending onslaught?"
"US?" snapped Hakuin.
Whereupon the Clear Light of Illumination exploded upon the
Governor, and he vaporized.
Then, a redneck went up to Hakuin and vaporized the old Master with
his shotgun. "Ha! Beat ya' to the punchline, ya' scrawny li'l geek!"
|Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the|
creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their
essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving
the earth, like because the first thing in saving this world, is getting
rid of stupid and square attitudes and having fun.
-- Senior Year Quote
|Ya'll hear about the geometer who went to the beach to catch some|
rays and became a tangent ?
|The notes blatted skyward as they rose over the Canada geese, feathered|
rumps mooning the day, webbed appendages frantically pedaling unseen
bicycles in their search for sustenance, driven by cruel Nature's maxim,
'Ya wanna eat, ya gotta work,' and at last I knew Pittsburgh.
-- Winning sentence, 1987 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
|All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard,|
ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.
|I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's|
picture that came with the wallet he bought.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
©TU Chemnitz, 2006-2013