|Proverbs, aphorisms, quotations (English)
||by Linux fortune
|Jargon Coiner (#4)|
An irregular feature that aims to give you advance warning of new jargon
that we've just made up.
* FREE LECTURE: Attempting to explain the concepts of Linux, Open Source
software, free software, and gift cultures to someone who is not
familiar with them. Made extra difficult if the explainee has been
misled by superficial mainstream news articles about the subject.
Example: "Eric gave an hour-long free lecture to his mother-in-law after
she asked him about this Linux thingy she read about in USA Today."
* LEXICON LAZINESS: Filling a fortune file with a list of fake jargon
instead of publishing something more substantive (and funny) that would
take more effort to write.
* FOR(;;)TUNE LOOP: Repeatedly running fortune(6) for cheap entertainment.
Example: "During a coffee break, Bob became bored and started a
for(;;)tune loop. His boss had to issue a SIGTERM to get him to resume
|NEW YORK -- Publishers from all across the country met this week at the|
first annual Book Publishers Assocation of America (BPAA) meeting. Many of
the booths on the showroom floor were devoted to the single most important
issue facing the publishing industry: fighting copyright violations. From
"End Reader License Agreements" to age-decaying ink, the anti-copying
market has exploded into a multi-million dollar enterprise.
"How can authors and publishers hope to make ends meet when the country is
rapidly filling with evil libraries that distribute our products for free
to the general public?" asked the chairman of the BPAA during his keynote
address. "That blasted Andrew Carnegie is spending all kinds of his own
ill-gotten money to open libraries in cities nationwide. He calls it
charity. I call it anti-competitive business practices hoping to bankrupt
the entire publishing industry. We must fight these anti-profit,
pro-copying librarians and put an end to this scourge!"
-- from the February 4, 1895 edition of the New York Democrat-Republican
|The annual meeting of the "You Have To Listen To Experience" Club is now in|
session. Our Achievement Awards this year are in the fields of publishing,
advertising and industry. For best consistent contribution in the field of
publishing our award goes to editor, R.L.K., [...] for his unrivalled alle-
giance without variation to the statement: "Personally I'd love to do it,
we'd ALL love to do it. But we're not going to do it. It's not the kind of
book our house knows how to handle." Our superior performance award in the
field of advertising goes to media executive, E.L.M., [...] for the continu-
ally creative use of the old favorite: "I think what you've got here could be
very exciting. Why not give it one more try based on the approach I've out-
lined and see if you can come up with something fresh." Our final award for
courageous holding action in the field of industry goes to supervisor, R.S.,
[...] for her unyielding grip on "I don't care if they fire me, I've been
arguing for a new approach for YEARS but are we SURE that this is the right
time--" I would like to conclude this meeting with a verse written specially
for our prospectus by our founding president fifty years ago -- and now, as
then, fully expressive of the emotion most close to all our hearts --
Treat freshness as a youthful quirk,
And dare not stray to ideas new,
For if t'were tried they might e'en work
And for a living what woulds't we do?
|`Lasu' Releases SAG 0.3 -- Freeware Book Takes Paves For New World Order|
by staff writers
The SAG is one of the major products developed via the Information
Superhighway, the brain child of Al Gore, US Vice President. The ISHW
is being developed with massive govenment funding, since studies show
that it already has more than four hundred users, three years before
the first prototypes are ready. Asked whether he was worried about the
foreign influence in an expensive American Dream, the vice president
said, ``Finland? Oh, we've already bought them, but we haven't told
anyone yet. They're great at building model airplanes as well. And _I
can spell potato.'' House representatives are not mollified, however,
wanting to see the terms of the deal first, fearing another Alaska.
Rumors about the SAG release have imbalanced the American stock
market for weeks. Several major publishing houses reached an all time
low in the New York Stock Exchange, while publicly competing for the
publishing agreement with Mr. Wirzenius. The negotiations did not work
out, tough. ``Not enough dough,'' says the author, although spokesmen
at both Prentice-Hall and Playboy, Inc., claim the author was incapable
of expressing his wishes in a coherent form during face to face talks,
preferring to communicate via e-mail. ``He kept muttering something
about jiffies and pegs,'' they say.
-- Lars Wirzenius <firstname.lastname@example.org>
|Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the|
Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
|Every paper published in a respectable journal should have a preface by|
the author stating why he is publishing the article, and what value he
sees in it. I have no hope that this practice will ever be adopted.
-- Morris Kline
No guarantee of accuracy or completeness!
©TU Chemnitz, 2006-2013